The Best Sad Political Comments on Facebook Last Night

Going on Facebook after Obama was declared winner of the presidency could have ended in one of two ways depending on my state of mind. It could have depressed the hell out of me to see the shit that people were saying, or it could have ended in hilarity, because, holy shit, people are painfully stupid. I decided to make it awesome and break down the best things I saw on Facebook last night.

Sad day

Stupid, but at least reasonable. It is simple and to the point. I could at least imagine myself having these feelings if a candidate I did not believe in won the election.

Time for more handouts and obscene spending!

Was the spending obscene? You could make that case, but the spending has been obscene for 12 years now. Selective memory is neat.

Moving backwards another four years!!!

The three exclamation points add intelligence to the claim.

if obama wins I'm moving to Brazil once my my money comes in..... #fuckobama#

Because Brazil is a safe haven where everything is fantastic. DID YOU NOT SEE FAST FIVE? THERE IS DANGER EVERYWHERE!

But my favorite comments, BY FAR, were the following:

May God have mercy on this nation.

Praying for America and our future. This is scary.

We can only pray that The Lord has mercy on the USA...pray that HE gives us the strength that this country needs.

Oh, God, it is just so painfully stupid and ignorant and wonderful all at once. When you read it as stupid and ignorant, it makes a person's palm go directly to their forehead, but take a second, and read it for all its wonderful glory. I am totally fine with people believing in God. 

The first one is stupid but simple, so it doesn't incite much anger in me.

The second one is way dumber. This is scary? What the fuck is scary about this? A president got elected. It wasn't the person who you wanted to win. Grow the fuck up.

And finally, the third comment. Oh, you beautiful, wonderful, brilliant piece of art. Because this is not a sentence; this is art. Like if I was trying to write from the most ignorant person in the world's point of view, I could never come up with something this amazing. Thank you, retarded person who wrote this. Thank you so much.

Now here's my issue...

I have no problem if you see God as an all-powerful being who can control anything he damn well pleases. I have no issue if you see God as all-powerful, but as someone who refuses to step in as it would invade man's freedom of choice. But you can't have it both ways. Now, these Religious Fuckwads are in a little thing called the circle of logic. And when Religious Fuckwads are surrounded by logic, it leads to disastrous results. 

If God was all powerful, and you think that Obama will ruin the country, I am sure God could have stopped that. Why not have a hurricane that takes out the president instead of electricity in New York? Huh, God? Why did you not do that? SHOW US YOUR MERCY YOU SON OF A BITCH. 

If God refuses to step in, then who gives a fuck? He clearly hasn't done anything on this planet before, and we're doing just fine. Most of the people who are complaining about the unemployment rate not only have a job, half of them probably don't even know a person who is actually unemployed. And if they don't think God has the power to step in, then, really, what's the point? If I was going to pick a God, I certainly wouldn't pick the weak ass bitch God that can't even show his awesome power. 

Make up your minds, Religious Fuckwads (I would like to trademark this term). Either your God is all powerful and he supports Obama, or he is a weak ass bitch who can't even step in to make anything happen. You can't have it both ways.

Also, I am guessing that the people who posted these comments do not realize that Mitt Romney is Mormon, and therefore has the most hilarious beliefs ever. Sure, I could show a South Park clip, but instead I will show one of the most underrated videos on the internet: 

You're Welcome.

Vote Or Die!

Hey everybody, get out and rock the vote, unless you are voting for a candidate that I do not like, in which case you are clearly an uninformed asshole that does not deserve to have a vote. Learn the facts man, your candidate is Mormon/Muslin, so clearly they are trying to kill this country from the inside. You are only voting for that candidate because you are racist/don't want to appear to be a racist. I mean, come on, he hates women's rights/small businesses. Don't be fooled by his fantastic hair/smile.

Oh, but if you're not in a swing state, your vote does not matter for the presidential election, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you are reading this blog, you probably have no idea what separates most of the other candidates on your ballot. I voted no on retaining all the judges, because they clogged up my mailbox, and my dream is that Judge Dredd or Judge Reinhold will one day be making all the laws in this state. You see? My vote does matter.

Well, I'm pretty sure that is all you need to know about voting. Vote or DIE!

Don't Post Your Political Views On Facebook

So it's election season, and that is obviously a very important thing for the country. Some people are for one guy, some people are for the other, while others are for Ron Paul. It really doesn't matter to me who you support as long as you do not post your opinions on Facebook. There is no way to post your thoughts without coming across as an ignorant piece of shit.

Facebook always pisses me off, because statuses of Facebook friends are a collection of the dumbest shit you will see on the internet. I rarely follow people I know on Twitter, because I have to be drunk around most of my friends to enjoy them, where genuinely intelligent people, I can enjoy at any time. I do not blame the people I know for this, as some of my Tweets and Facebook statuses are boring as well. I've probably tweeted "IOWA!" and where most people would think that was about a sporting event, it was probably just me having some really good corn on the cob.

This is usually not a problem, because it is harmlessly worthless comments. But when politics get involved, it centralizes everything I hate in the world and puts it in a sentence or two. A reasonable status is very rare, because people don't feel the need to post rational ideas about politics. They only post if they feel very strongly about things. Whether it's "Way to kick his ass, Obama," or "Romney has a PLAN," or "There he goes again, avoiding the issues," it doesn't matter, because they all would have been better kept in your brain as opposed to typed out on a keyboard. Just about everybody expands on the samples that I provided, but the longer your post is, the more it comes across as a person who is retarded but thinks they're doing a really good job of hiding it.

Even a reasonable status pisses me off. Seeing something like, "Doesn't matter who wins, because we're in America, land of the free," and that gets 50 likes, because if you don't like a status that is pro-America, you are probably a terrorist. It shouldn't take an election to make you realize that your life is pretty sweet here in the USA, Ricky Stanzi reported on that like three years ago.

Yet, there I am, going into Facebook and reading this crap. All it does is build the rage up inside of me, and that is valuable hate that I could be using for sports instead of stupidity. I can't help it. I'm basically like a slow child, I put my hand in the fire, realizes it burns, takes my hand away, only to put it right back in the fire to see what happens this time. Yep, same results, people are fucking retarded.

Trust me, you do not have anything important to say when it comes to politics. There should not be any audience for your thoughts, because they are stupid. So...painfully stupid.

So, please, the next time you have a thought about politics, don't go to your computer. If you're at your computer, don't start typing out that thought. If you start typing out that thought, please, for the love of God, do not hit send. And if you hit send, at least clean out your diaper when you're done before you go back to chewing on that chair leg.