WrestleMania 34 Betting Odds and Predictions

LJ: You know what time it is?  Time for Wrestlemania betting odds.  Before we get into the matches, I’ve got a question for you Hott Joe.  With all these matches, how many years do we have before the Wrestlemania card is literally 24 hours long?  I put the over under at 5.5.

Joe: They are already at seven hours minimum, and man, it comes to a point where that is simply too much wrestling. I went to Mania last year, and by the final hour, I just wanted things to end. New Japan had their show in Long Beach a couple weeks ago, and that show went  4.5 hours which I think is really as long as you should possibly go. But yeah, WWE will definitely hold a 24-hour card by 2025.

Raw Women’s Title Match Alexa Bliss 13/8 vs. Nia Jax 4/9
LJ: This is a no brainer, and I love the odds here.  Getting close to 1/2 on what should be one of the easiest matches to pick is great money.  Jax wins, and if the WWE has any sense, she wins in a quick and dominating fashion.  I’d go hot start for Jax for a couple minutes, she misses a big move, Bliss gets in a couple of minutes of heel offense/works her leg etc.  Jax comes back and wins in another 2, 6-8 minutes is all this match needs and there’s no other story it should tell except for Jax beating Bliss.

Joe: Oh, Jonah. Sweet, sweet baby Jonah. If you think this buildup needs to have Nia Jax go over, then may I remind you of the time Triple H was super racist towards Booker T for months before pinning him cleanly at WrestleMania. Jax SHOULD win, no doubt about it, but these odds almost seem too good to be true. I have to pick Nia Jax, but if I had to book it the other way, maybe the Iconic Duo comes out to help Bliss win the match and create a stable of hot chicks. Oh, and this definitely won’t be the last time I mention The Iconic Duo.

Cruiserweight Title Match Cedric Alexander 2/5 vs. Mustafa Ali 7/4. 
LJ: I’ll be honest, I don’t follow the Cruiserweight division like I do the rest of the WWE.  These guys are fighting for the vacant Cruiserweight Championship since neither one of them is a rapist or wife beater, that we know of.  I’ve seen Cedric Alexander before and he is one of the top talents in the division, so it makes sense for him to win here.  I’ll go with the favorite in Alexander.

Joe: Um…well, the one guy does very cool stuff, but the other guy, boy, you got to watch out for them flips, and, ah…(flips coin) Mustafa Ali wins to help the WWE spread their brand to (checks Wikipedia) Bolingbrook, Illinois? Eh, let’s go with it.

Smackdown Women’s Championship Charlotte Flair 4/1 vs. Asuka 1/7.
LJ: I feel like the WWE has booked themselves into a corner here.  Undefeated streaks are kind of stupid storylines anyways, and now Asuka almost has to win, but the question becomes who beats her eventually?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she should have lost her first NXT Title match against Bailey or to Ember Moon on her way out of NXT.  But anyway, if I was actually betting I’d stay away from this match because there’s a chance that Carmella cashes in to win the title.  She could do it during or after the match so if it was after I suppose Asuka would still technically be the winner of this match.  The odds are terrible in this match, but Asuka is going to win, I just wouldn’t recommend betting on it.

Joe: Asuka has to win this match. Carmella has to come out to at least hint at cashing in, but even if she cashes it in, she ain’t winning that title. The only way Charlotte wins is if she somehow convinces The Iconic Duo to join her in a new-age BFFs.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey 1/5 vs. Triple H and Stephanie 5/1.
LJ: This seems super obvious as well.  You don’t bring in Ronda Rousey to have her lose her first match especially when it’s at Wrestlemania.  Wait, I feel like I’ve written this before, oh yeah when the WWE brought in Sting and had him lose to Triple H at Wrestlemania for no logical reason.  I’ll say Triple H pitches this backstage which turns the match into a shoot which the Olympians easily win.  Favorites are the pick again.

Joe: See, this is one where I could see an upset. Kurt Angle can take a pin here without any real issues going on. You were just complaining about how undefeated streaks are bad, so let’s not let Rousey get in one. Have her lose her first match and “protect the biz.” I never want to see Triple H or Stephanie win, but they might do it here, especially if Stephanie gets help from The Iconic Duo.

WWE World Championship Match AJ Styles 2/1 vs. Shinsuke Nakamura 2/5
LJ: The dream match, for people who like to watch good wrestling on a wrestling show.  I really hope they give these guys at least 30 minutes to really tear the house down, it should be a hell of a lot of fun.  In my opinion, Styles is the best wrestler/best all around performer in the world.  That being said, he’s had a good title run and it’s time to make Nakamura a main eventer.  The last time he was in the main event he was losing to Jinder Mahal.  They need to wash that stink off and make him a legitimate main event player, and that’s why he will beat Styles at Wrestlemania with a knee to face.

Joe: If Nakamura was still in Japan, he would probably be considered the greatest thing in wrestling. Instead, he has the stink of the WWE on him and some real lackadaisacal performances against mid-tier competition. I do think him and Styles have a pretty epic match here though. Honestly, they could just recreate Nakamura’s debut against Sami Zayn, and I’d be ecstatic. Nakamura wins, because he has no place to go if he doesn’t.

Universal Championship Match Brock Lesnar 4/1 vs. Roman Reigns 1/6
LJ: I mean come on, this is what the entire last year has been about.  This is why not one person has kicked out of the F5 in the past year.  This is why Braun Strowman isn’t the Universal Champ, or even near the match.  It’s all so Roman Reigns can conquer the unconquerable Brock Lesnar and be the champ.  I’ve got some commentary on this match, it will be a hell of a match.  Their first match was awesome before the cash in.  I just hope that the WWE listens to my warnings and doesn’t put this on last.  The worked shoot Brock Lesnar doesn’t show up for work and is going to the UFC angle has worked a lot better than I thought it would, but it’s not going to make Reigns a fan favorite when he wins.  Whoever he defends the title against first is going to be getting the better reactions, so they need to be ready for this.  Don’t let Reigns cut a promo over a minute long, have him beat people up, or just make him a heel.  Book him as such and things will eventually go his way and since they’re insistent on it happening, I can only hope they go about it smartly.

Joe: Little known fact: When you beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania, you absorb his undefeated prowess at WrestleMania. Lesnar has not been pinned or submitted since beating The Deadman and neither has Roman Reigns. This will be the ultimate test. I really like Roman Reigns, so I’m going to pick The Big Dog to take out The Beast.

John Cena ? vs. The Undertaker ?

LJ: So I don’t see any odds for this match, which I guess makes sense because there’s no guarantee it will happen.  In wrestling though, there’s very rarely build up like this with no payoff.  If they fight, and I think it will happen, I think The Undertaker wins.  I’m also very torn on my feelings about this match.  It’s a match I desperately want to see, or wanted to see five years ago when Taker was undefeated at Wrestlemania and Cena barely ever lost.  Also, though Cena’s “desperation” for a Wrestlemania match has been played pretty well, him calling out the 50 something year old Undertaker for not wanting to wrestle any more is a bit off putting.  On the other hand, if this match does happen I absolutely hate the fact that Cena has done all the build for this match.  The Undertaker could have bothered to come back for a segment or two, just like he could have against Bray Wyatt, where if I remember correctly, Wyatt did all the build and Taker showed up at Mania and got the win.

Joe: I’m not sure who the winner of this match will be, but I can tell you who the loser will be, and that’s the fans, because this match will suck ass if it happens. Undertaker’s garbage, don’t @ me.

LJ: I can’t find actual odds for the other matches, just mentions of who the favorite is so I guess we can talk about those.

Joe: I’m going to go rapid fire on my responses, because if Vegas won’t talk about these matches, neither should I.

Intercontinental Championship Match The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins.
LJ: Balor is apparently the favorite in this match, which is understandable.  The guy should be higher up the card, and should have been ever since his return.  I’ll never understand how someone else injuring you is a negative against the injured.  I’m going against the grain in this match though, and I’m going with The Miz to retain.  Miz retains, Balor and Rollins move up into the actual main event part of the card going forward, and Miz gets to become the longest reigning Intercontinental Champ of all time. 

Joe: I’ll take Seth Rollins, because Davenport, Iowa is the master and the ruler of the world.

Women’s Battle Royal Match:
LJ: Sasha Banks is the heavy favorite and is around even money to win.  She’s a great choice, and is probably the best all around women’s wrestler in the division.  Now that she’s back to heel, where she should be, she should be a lot more watchable.  I have to imagine Bayley is up there too, and a win here would really rebuild her credibility which has taken a beating due to terrible booking.  The only other real possibility I can see if Becky Lynch, who hasn’t been buried like Bayley has, but has really been underused.  Beyond that, I have no idea, maybe one of the Bellas if they’re coming back full time?  Ember Moon?  Rodeo lover Tamina?  It’s really got to be one of the Horsewomen, so I’ll go with my personal favorite Bayley to win it.

Joe: Iconic Duo both win.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:

LJ: This one’s tough because I’m really not sure who’s in it.  In past years there were a few big names in it to choose from, this year everyone is in a 3 or 4 way match so it’s kind of tough to figure out who’s not already in a match who could win.  The names that jump out at me that don’t have a match are Matt and Jeff Hardy, Bray Wyatt, and Elias.  Big Cass and Samoa Joe could be healthy enough for a return, and while the battle royal doesn’t feel like a great use of Joe it could be a good use for Big Cass.  Beyond them, maybe a thank you win for Kane?  Someone in a tag team that could have a bright future ahead of them like Chad Gable?  A re debuting Bobby Lashley?  To make an official pick, I’ll take Elias.  He’s plenty over and way too important to be doing nothing at Wrestlemania.  Let him win the battle royal and sing about it for a year.

Joe: What better way to memorialize Andre The Giant than having his greatest rival, Hulk Hogan, come back to win the Battle Royal. Hulk ain’t taking no bumps, brother.

Raw Tag Team Championship Match The Bar vs. Braun and ???

LJ: Brains Strowman would be pretty awesome, but I don’t think he’s the real pick.  The best options for the pick are the guys who could win the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal.  Could be Elias who has been MIA since a feud with Braun, could be a reborn Bray Wyatt who has history with Strowman.  Could be Big Cass for giant tag team.  Could be Bobby Lashely for some reason or other.  Some NXT guy?  All those choices make a lot more sense than my official choice, James Ellsworth.  It all comes full circle with Ellsworth, he started off being dominated by Braun so he makes his triumphant return as his tag team partner.  Also, Braun and whoever are winning this match because Braun needs to be kept busy and out of the World Title picture while Roman is trying to get over.  Defending the tag team belts is a great way for him to do that.

Joe: Braun Strowman’s partner will be Big Show, and they will win.

US Title Match: Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Bobby Roode vs. Rusev
LJ: I’ve read Jinder is the favorite in this match, so I’m happy to pick against the favorite in this one.  I get the guy is muscular and foreign, but so is Rusev.  Rusev is also charasmatic as all get out and a hell of a worker in the ring.  It’s time for the WWE to actually get behind pushing this future world champion and give Rusev the win on the grandest stage of them all.

Joe: It’s RUSEV DAY!

Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers
LJ: Couldn’t find any mention of this match so no idea who the favorite is.  I’ll take the Bludgeon Brothers, if they fail here it seems like the tag team is pretty much dead, so if you want to keep Harper and Rowan together they need to win.  Have them feud with The Usos for a few months, should be fun.  Have The New Day move onto pursuing singles gold since Big E is a future world champion.

Joe: New Day Rocks!

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
LJ: Well for this story to make any sense, Kevin and Sami have to win since they can’t be fired.  Of course I said that about Shane McMahon beating The Undertaker so that story could continue, and then it just did for no raisin.  In theory, I guess they could go to RAW after Wrestlemania if they lose this match.  This is Daniel Bryan’s first match back in years though, he can’t lose clean.  In a Russoesque twist, I see Shane McMahon costing Daniel Bryan the match allowing Kevin and Sami to win the match and regain their jobs. 

Joe: Owens and Zayn win when Brie Bella costs Daniel Bryan the match. She then says the baby is actually Sami Zayn’s. I also predict Shane McMahon sweats a lot.

LJ: In terms of crazy surprises you can probably bet on somewhere, I think The Rock makes a polite appearance.  In much more surprising news, I think Connor McGregor and Donald Trump make appearances.  Trump possibly via satelite, but maybe in person.  He’s got to get ready to be the XFL commissioner in 2020.  Since we’re in New Orleans, I hope we get a visit from everyone’s favorite Voodoo Doctor Papa Shango.  I’ve saved the best and most shocking surprise for last.  Kid Rock’s performance will be interrupted by WCW legends The No Limit Soldiers.  Master P will do whatever his finishing maneuver was, and the group will lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of Make Em Say Uhhhh.

Joe: Rock, Hogan, Stone Cold, short-haired Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, and Dan “The Beast” Severn. Oh, and The Iconic Duo.

6 Things That Stood Out About the WWE Draft

The WWE Brand Split Draft happened last night, and, like any draft, these things cannot happen without controversy. I wanted to highlight what stood out for me, while making my case to be Smackdown's Assistant GM.

1. Seth Rollins Goes #1
This is the correct choice for the first overall draft pick. He went number one in Jonah's and my WWE Fantasy Draft, and there's really not anybody that should have been taken ahead of him. At least they didn't mess this part up.

2. Finn Balor and American Alpha Are Drafted into Stardom
We basically knew these were coming as why else would you have Balor take a couple of losses in the last few weeks and have American Alpha ever lose? This was the reason, and they are no worse off for taking those losses. They immediately get drafted as big deals, and it'll be interesting to see how they try to progress their careers now that they've made it to the big show.

3. The Other NXT Picks
This was a travesty. Let's start off with a caveat that champions were not eligible for the draft, so Samoa Joe, The Revival, and Asuka are all off the board. Still, these were their picks? I have no issue with any of the three ladies taken, as I actually think they are all very good, but I have also watched all of them get a ton better in the last few months, and I'd way rather see them continue to get better for the next few months. Oh, and the fact that we're supposed to believe that Shane and Daniel Bryan sat in a room together, decided they needed an NXT female with the last pick of the draft, and had the following conversation:

Shane: Let's go with Carmella.
Daniel: What about Bayley?
Shane: You mean Billie? Billie Kay? I don't think she's ready. 
Daniel: No, Bayley.
Shane: Wait, it's Bayley Kay? 
Daniel: No, just Bayley.
Shane: Oh, so she dropped half her name, like Antonio Cesaro. Well, that changes things, but I'm still going with Carmella.
Daniel: God damnit.

Okay, now that I typed it out, I could totally have seen that happening. Now imagine the same conversation happening but instead Shane goes with Mojo Rawley while discounting Shinsuke Nakamura for not being hype enough.

4. WWE and Black Superstars
Remember when Apollo Crews was heralded as the guy who could change WWE's inability to promote black superstars to headlining positions within the company? I remember that. The WWE definitely does not remember that. Apollo Crews is phenomenal in the ring, and I feel like people forget how good he is, because he has no character development outside of a nice smile. He could be something, and the brand split should theoretically help a guy like this out, but the WWE hasn't given us much reason to have faith in their promotion of black superstars, so I'm not going to hold my breath.

5. A Missed Opportunity
Wouldn't it have been great to see Raw as the established superstars side of things, and Smackdown just oozing with straight wrestling. It's not like Raw has to be completely depleted of wrestlers. I know of a simple trade that could benefit both sides (it would greatly help Smackdown)

Smackdown trades John Cena and Randy Orton to Raw.
Raw trades Sami Zayn, Cesaro, and Neville to Smackdown.

Who says no to that? Because right now, I don't have a whole lot of reason to tune in to Smackdown. It's American Alpha, seeing if WWE wants to push Dolph Ziggler after taking a few years off, and the whether Mojo Rawley can stay hyped. That third reason was a joke, because my other option was going to be the WWE figuring out how to push Apollo Crews, but that seemed like more of a joke.

Basically, if trades are allowed, I demand the position of Assistant General Manager on Smackdown. DB, I know you're reading this, so just imagine me as your Jonah Hill, and you, my Brad Pitt, as we Moneyball the shit out of the Raw roster.

6. Did Shane and Stephanie Shoot Draft These Rosters?
I know that Shane is super beloved and everything, but are we sure he doesn't have the opinions of his father? Like, he hasn't been around for a while, and there is a pretty good chance that his wrestling tastes have not evolved in the last decade. And Stephanie, although hated onscreen, has watched NXT blossom thanks to guidance from her husband, so maybe she has a better grasp of where wrestling is going, as opposed to where it's been. Think about the simplistic justification that could have been used by Shane to make these picks:

Dean Ambrose - Champion
AJ Styles - Beat John Cena
John Cena - Is John Cena
Randy Orton - I remember him being really important the last time I was around.
Bray Wyatt - New Undertaker
Becky Lynch - Oh shit, they just got Sasha Banks.
The Miz - Intercontinental Champion
Natalya - Her Dad beat up my Dad (I'm assuming Shane does not understand the Hart family dynamics and thinks Bret is her Dad)
The Ascension - New Demolition
Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie - Hot

Are we positive that Shane didn't really make these picks and let Daniel Bryan have like 1 out of 10 picks where he could take Dolph Ziggler, American Alpha, and Apollo Crews? Also, doesn't this explain the biggest fall in the draft, Kevin Owens? Stephanie probably knew that Shane has the old school mentality that fat guys can't be important, so she locked up Sami Zayn early, knowing that she could grab Kevin Owens later on since Shane would never take a fat guy? You can tell me I'm wrong about this draft being a shoot, but you can't 100% convince me of it.

The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft - Part Two

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. We did part one yesterday, so let's move onto part two where everybody is still relevant.

40-41. Joe selects Emma and Shane McMahon
Outside of Sasha Banks, I think Emma is my favorite Diva. I think Becky Lynch and Paige get more credit as wrestlers, but Emma has had nothing but good to great matches down in NXT, so if you pair her with top talent, she can deliver top matches. I also added Shane McMahon, because people love Shane McMahon.

42-43. Jonah selects Jack Swagger and William Regal.
Emma is awesome, and she would have been my pick here, but I obviously disagree and think that Lynch and Paige are both better.  Jack Swagger is a wrestler who they just booked into absolute jobberdom.  He was a world champion early, then was booked into oblivion.  What people forget is that it took maybe a month or two to reestablish him as a top wrestler and he fought for the World Title at Wrestlemania after losing every match for years.  He’s a great technical wrestler, has a great look, he’s at worst a midcarder.  William Regal counteracts Shane McMahon as my authority figure.  Regal is also beloved by all and won’t be leaving anytime soon to buy companies or whatever the hell Shane does in his free time.  Also, I don’t care what your GM jumps off of, my GM can beat up your GM.

44-45. Joe selects Stephanie McMahon and Dana Brooke
And then I selected the counterparts of my previous round. Stephanie balances out Shane and gives Triple H his lady buddy. And Dana Brooke is best with Emma, even though she can also fill the role of helping out Charlotte. She also showed she can put on fun matches when she went up against Asuka.

46-47. Jonah selects Tyler Breeze and Natalya
Joe probably could have waited 10 more rounds to select Stephanie.  I don’t want that poison on my show.  She’s over but she doesn’t ever use that to put anyone else over.  She beats regular female wrestlers, she smacks down male wrestlers, she has Triple Hitis to the max as no one can ever be cooler than her.  Enough hate on Joe’s pick, Breeze hasn’t even been on the main roster a year.  I’ve never seen him in a bad match and his promos in NXT were awesome.  The guy has it all besides needing to be a little taller or weigh a little more I guess.  He’s a new Rick Martel or even Shawn Michaels.  Yeah I went there.  Natalya is fine, I was just getting worried with Joe scooping up women’s wrestlers everywhere.  Natalya puts on great matches, but isn’t a great promo.  I’ll get her a manager and a gimmick that isn’t solely I’m related to Bret Hart.

48-49. Joe selects Undertaker and Zack Ryder
So I basically took every spectacle pick. Undertaker can be around for 1-2 months a year and will elevate whoever he faces at WrestleMania. I'm not an Undertaker guy, but the more I think about the pick, the more I like it. Also, I took Zack Ryder, because Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

50-51. Jonah selects Fandango and Nikki Bella
By 1-2 months, I assume Joe means 1-2 shows.  Fandango is another talent that has been criminally underused.  Great look, got over with possibly the stupidest gimmick ever, and is a talented wrestler and full of charisma.  I let Johnny Curtis get weird and I think he becomes a legitimate star.  Nikki Bella, the lioness of the women’s division.  Not anywhere near the new NXT wrestlers in terms of skill, but much better than she is given credit for.  Super over, helps add depth to the women’s division, I mean she’s the longest reigning champ in history.

52-53. Joe selects The Vaudevillains
I have another fun tag team, and if I can get Aiden English to sing more, they could get a big time push. They're both really good wrestlers, and they are dependable to put on good matches, so it's always good to add this sort of talented depth.

54-55. Jonah selects The Dudley Boyz
I counter Joe’s selection of a good young tag team with the selection of a good old tag team.  The Dudley Boyz can still be presented as a legitimate tag team.  They don’t have to be booked into oblivion.  Bubba has also shown that he can be a legitimate main event singles wrestler.  That leaves D-Von in the dust, but I think they still have a few good years left in them.

56-57. Joe selects Tyson Kidd and Bo Dallas
Don't forget how great Tyson Kidd and Cesaro were before he got hurt. And adding another super worker is never a bad idea as long as he can come back from an incredibly serious injury. Also, don't stop BO-lieving.

58-59. Jonah selects Erick Rowan and Naomi
Again I had to leave Tyson Kidd for Joe so he could properly take care of Cesaro.  Erick Rowan isn’t great in the ring, but he’s not terrible.  He’s got the size and the look and can be hidden with Wyatt just like Strowman.  He was actually over when he fought against the Authority at that Survivor Series, but they followed that up by jobbing him out to the Big Show which shockingly didn’t turn him into a star.  Naomi is lost in the diva’s revolution, but is still capable of putting on good matches and being a legitimate title contender and doing some cool athletic moves in the ring.

60-61. Joe selects Summer Rae and Heath Slater
I'm one of Summer Rae's biggest fans, and I think she has enough potential to be a great asset for the women's division. Also, Heath Slater is the perfect job guy to throw out there and just let people be dominant.

62-63. Jonah selects Darren Young with Bob Backlund and Alicia Fox
Darren Young will be taking no days off with Bob Backlund.  He’s got a great look and has been good in the ring as well.  Whether he has a singles run, or reunites the Prime Time Players, he’s a valuable asset.  Alicia Fox may be the most underrated diva out there.  Her axe kick is awesome, and her bridging suplex is a thing of beauty.  She will provide quality matches with basically anyone in the division.

64-65. Joe selects Curtis Axel and Mark Henry
I didn't set out to get all of the (remaining) Social Outcasts, but it happened, and I'm good with that. They can fill a role. I don't see Mark Henry ever returning to Hall of Pain level but it's never a bad idea to add a Big Hoss to the team.

66-67. Jonah selects Sin Cara and R-Truth
Sin Cara does fun flippy moves and wears a cool mask.  Again, that’s just a marketable combination.  He can team with Kalisto or they can go their own way in singles action.  Either way the kids will love them.  Speaking of wrestlers the kids love, here comes R-Truth.  He’s stuck in a comedy gimmick, but he’s played that gimmick excellently.  He’s provided some of the legitimately funny moments in the past few years and is a name and an entertainer.

68-69. Joe selects Mauro Ranallo and Corey Graves
It is now the time where announcers have more value than the remaining wrestlers. Mauro Ranallo is an expert play-by-play guy, and Corey Graves has shown himself to be a fantastic color guy. He actually has reasons why he likes and hates guys and sticks with those feelings as opposed to switching back and forth with no reasoning. This is an ideal combo that will actually make people watch my show with the sound on.

70-71. Jonah selects Booker T and Renee Young
Joe gets the scoop on announcers.  I always found Booker T was an entertaining commentator that actually provided insight.  Renee Young is just plain awesome.  I’d like to try her out as a commentator, but if that doesn’t work then at least I’ve got the best interviewer on my show.

72-73. Joe selects Eva Marie and Ryback
Finally, we can get that Eva Marie/Sasha Banks IronWoman match that we've all been waiting for. Since everyone seems to hate Eva Marie, she could be one hell of a heel manager. And if you want her to be a wrestler, she could be a prettier, less talented Heath Slater to help my women get some squash matches under their belt. Ryback may be done with wrestling, or he may read an inspirational book and come back better than ever.

74-75. Jonah selects The Usos
To repeat what I said when I made this pick, ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.  I really don’t like the Usos, but the value was far too great here.  Former tag team champions getting picked after Eva Marie is a smart move.  If they continue to suck and piss me off at the very least they can put over every other team.  Oh and since Roman Reigns is on my roster I’m instituting a restraining order between them.

76-77. Joe selects Goldust and Cathy Kelley
Remember when Goldust got in a meaningful angle against The Shield a few years ago and he was doing the best wrestling of his career? Well, maybe if we can find something meaningful for him, and reignite that fire. Also, Cathy Kelley is basically a younger, brunette Renee Young, so she'll do just fine for backstage interviews.

78-79. Jonah selects Michael Cole and Tamina
Michael Cole is the voice of the WWE.  He has actually become a decent commentator even though he can still be pretty annoying he delivers the news straightforward and respectable.  His interview show is also pretty entertaining as well, so some combination of him, Booker T and Renee Young will make for a good commentary/interview team.

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked RAW Script From 8/31/15

Hey, I don't know how Lukewarm Jonah got the goods (and honestly, I don't want to know), but he somehow managed to get his hands on this leaked script from RAW last week. He told me this is real, and honestly, it seems fairly legit (although for legal purposes, this may not be legit in any way, shape, and form). LJ, take it away:

RAW opens with Sting’s music hitting as he makes his way to the ring for a promo.

Sting: It’s great to be back here in Tampa.  But now onto the important stuff.  The last time I fought in the WWE I fought The Game, The Asskicker, The greatest, funniest, smartest, most handsome wrestler, no wait person, ever in the history of the entire universe Triple H.  Even though I spent months being angry at him for abusing his power and he had to resort to hitting me in the head with a sledgehammer to win our match at Wrestlemania, him shaking my hand was the greatest moment of my life, way better than my wedding or the birth of my children.  Now I have to fight Seth Rollins who despite being the World Heavyweight Champion and US champion is a complete joke, especially when you compare him to The Cerebral Assassin Triple H.  Coming out here week in and week out and performing at a high level ain’t shit when you compare it to a 46 year old guy who wrestles once a year.  Just on a personal level, I would also like to point out that I’ve seen Triple H in the locker room and let me tell you that he’s always carrying around a sledgehammer if you know what I mean.

Sting leaves, cut to backstage where Seth Rollins and Stephanie McMahon are standing.

Rollins: I’m understandably upset that Sting just completely ran me down.

Steph: Whoa there no one has ever been better than my husband so don’t say, think, or even wonder about it.

Two hours of stupid wrestling that doesn’t include Triple H.  Important note: Make sure to say Diva’s Revolution as much as possible without any irony while putting on incredibly short diva’s matches.

Final segment- Seth Rollins comes out to the ring to cut a promo.

Rollins: Sting sucks, he’s the reason WCW went out of business.  Now since I’m the champion of the world and the United States I think I’m as good as Triple H, note I didn’t even say better just that I think I’m as good, and that I hope that one day I can surpass him because I have career goals and such.  Now come out here Sting.

Steph’s music hits.

Steph: Don’t talk about Triple H, he’s obviously the greatest most popular wrestler ever despite what facts say.

Rollins: Well remember when Triple H was actually an active wrestler?  He was in Evolution with Ric Flair.  Now people think that Ric Flair was the greatest of all time, but Triple H still wanted to be the best and thought that he was better than a much older part time wrestler.  Also remember I literally said I think I’m as good as him, not better.

Steph: Never mention Triple H again unless it’s about a WWE.com list that he’s on the top of.  Don’t let Sting get in your head.

Rollins: You’re right, Sting get out here.

John Cena’s music hits and Cena makes his way to the ring.

Cena: I hate the authority and everything they stand for.  I’ve been battling them forever, one time my team even got them fired for awhile.  But let me tell you something about respect, I respect Triple H because he’s the man.  Now, then, forever, that’s not a WWE slogan, that’s when you should be thinking and talking about Triple H.  You’re just some chump who’s the World Heavyweight and United States champion, clearly I respect those belts because I’m telling you how much you suck even though you hold both of them.  I challenge you to a US Title match.  Steph make it happen.

Steph: Yep that’s happening.

Rollins: Gosh darn it!

Cena’s music hits, Sting’s music hits, then Triple H’s music hits and he comes out, both Cena and Sting shake his hand and bow to him before he Pedigrees them both through the entryway.  Note: We may have to cut out the very end due to time.

If WWE Superstars Were Game of Thrones Characters

Two things that I thoroughly enjoy are the fictional worlds of the WWE and Game of Thrones. Now, I have limited GoT cred, as I only watch the TV show and have not read the books (so if you're not through Season 4, you may want to wait on this, as there are some spoilers). Still, I felt that there were a lot of similarities in this world, so I tried to find the doppelganger for some of the most famous characters from each world. I tried my best to stick with current WWE talent, but there are a few examples of Attitude Era stars that seemed to fit way better than any active wrestlers would have in the GoT world. I tried to split the characters up into their families/most important storyline to help with clarity. Without further adieu, here is where WWE Superstars would fit in within the Game of Thrones.

Stephanie McMahon - Daenerys Targaryen
Stephanie fits in as the Khaleesi, because she could become the ruler of the WWE. And there aren't a lot of examples of women being strong and confident without immediately failing in spectacular fashion. Also if she is in that role, it would mean that Vince was the Mad King, and Shane was Viserys Targaryen who thought he was destined to take over, but now has no chance. Shane at least chose to leave where Viserys was killed by having liquid gold poured over his head.

Brock Lesnar - Khol Drogo
Both are giant men that crush everything in their path. They laugh at obstacles, as there is nothing in the world that can stop them except for themselves. Khol Drogo decided to cut himself with a sickle, while Brock Lesnar willingly tattooed a sword on his. Both married blonde divas and lived on all-meat diets. With that being said, it does seem likely that Drogo died from diverticulitis.

The Rock - Daario Naharis
Daario only does two things, but he does them better than anyone else. Fighting and fucking. The Rock can take years off from wrestling and beat anyone, and every one of his interviews will talk about a woman's vagina in some demeaning fashion.

Goldust - Barristan Selmy
Barristan was seen as obsolete by the kingdom, and looking at his age, that would appear to be true. But there was still some gas left in his tank, and he might be doing some of his best work at an advanced age after his supposed prime in the King's Guard. That is basically the same story as Goldust who did some good things in his prime but may be doing his best wrestling in his most recent comeback.

Rusev - Grey Worm
They are both killing machines who are commanded by women.

The Shield - The Three Dragons
Yes, this is slightly outdated with Seth Rollins leaving The Shield, but those three guys are totally the dragons of the WWE. They come in, fuck shit up, leave and think nothing of it. Daenerys thinks that she controls them, much like Triple H thought he controlled The Shield. In reality, they do whatever they want, whenever they want, because they can.

**************************

The Miz - Joffrey Baratheon
The two most punchable faces in the world. There really is nobody that could be more hated than these two. Also, I always thought Miz kind of looked like a serial killer, but he might just secretly beat hookers with medieval weaponry.

Randy Orton - Cersei Lannister
My only intergender comparison. Cersei is the golden child who feels entitled to certain things, because she has always gotten certain things. She's an attractive lady, but she can also be absolutely brutal to people. That sounds a whole lot like the Legend Killer to me.

Triple H - Jaime Lannister
Has all the tools to be great on paper, but will never reach the top of the mountain. Charismatic with a touch of crudeness, each guy seems like they would be likely to be the best, but neither man is. At best, Jamie is the second or third most important member of his family, and Triple H was always only the second or third most important person in WWE. They both have weak body parts, as Jamie lost his hand, and Triple H tears his quad like it's a piece of paper. Also, each is a guy that you want to root against, although at this point, you sometimes wonder what made you hate them so much in the first place. Oh, and while we're talking about H and Jamie...

Chyna - Brienne of Tarth
Yep. This one fits in real nice. Both compete with the men because they would outclass any woman. Fell in love with a blonde, although Jamie Lannister is much more traditionally attractive than HHH. After the romance, they both got stuck with puds, or Pods, to be more accurate...

X-Pac - Podrick Payne
Podrick had a great deal going with Tyrion, but now he is with Brienne where he is not appreciated. It seems very similar to X-Pac being in the nWo, but then having a relationship with Chyna where he got physically assaulted. Also, Podrick is known for his prowess with the ladies, and X-Pac made a sex tape. They're not exactly equal, but they're not unequal either.

William Regal - Tyrion Lannister
Don't get caught up in the size. Instead, Regal is a match with Tyrion because he no longer has the physical gifts, but he has a sharp tongue and can captivate an audience with it. Also, he doesn't dislike bad guys, as he sees talent for what it is. Tyrion Lannister would definitely be a fan of Aiden English.

The Acolyte Protection Agency - Bronn
Bronn is the hired gun for Tyrion, and he saves his life once for money. When it comes to the second time, he already has money and women, so he doesn't save his life. He's a simple man, but you gotta respect that. The APA were simple guys as well, as they would beat up people for money, and if you couldn't offer them anything, they weren't willing to get their hands dirty. It's a simple and effective way of living.

AJ Lee - Shae
So I really hated comparing a diva to a whore, but let's face it, WWE only has three characteristics for women, whore, crazy, and boring, so there were actually a lot of women that could have been put in this spot. I chose AJ as she has a history of being jealous and of getting revenge on the men who have done her wrong. That sounds a lot like Shae, as she harshly turned on poor Tyrion.

Vince McMahon - Tywin Lannister
I know I mentioned him as the Mad King, but that was more in relation to Stephanie, as this is the spot where Vince fits best. He is the man with the money, so he pulls the strings behind the scenes while all gratitude and animosity is delivered to the people that he controls. The stockholders are the iron bank as they are the only ones who can get mad at Vince/Tywin if they aren't getting their money.

Paul Heyman - Varys
Could there be a less sexual person than Paul Heyman? Everything Varys has said could have just as easily been said by Paul Heyman. He tries to creep in the background and work his way up the ladder by attaching to those who he sees being in power. Tywin Lannister is definitely a Paul Heyman guy.

Cesaro - Tommen Baratheon
We really know nothing about the new king except that he wants to be a good king. And if you only watch the main WWE shows, you really have no idea about a personality for Cesaro. Cesaro is the newest King in WWE as he is the King of Swing, and I really felt like I needed to include my favorite wrestler in this post somewhere and couldn't find a great fit.

Summer Rae - Margaery Tyrell
Margarey will do anything to be queen, and Summer just wants to be liked so bad. Either will maneuver behind people's backs to get what they want, but in the end, neither person actually does anything all that awful. They both almost got stuck with bad guys, but now they can both find something better for themselves.

**************************

John Cena - Eddard Stark
There is one big problem with this comparison, and that is John Cena always wins, and Eddard Stark obviously did not fall under that umbrella. Still, they are the virtuous ones who are always doing what is right and fighting for good. Eddard was the King of the North, and John Cena is often World Champ, but each guy can go away from their title and still be the most compelling person in the room. But with Eddard Stark dying early on, isn't that a valuable lesson? John Cena would not survive in the Game of Thrones.

Daniel Bryan - Robb Stark
Everyone questioned his potential to lead an Army. He didn't always make the right decisions, but he worked hard and slowly gained the respect of his people. Finally, when it looked like everything was going in his favor, he and his army were brutally murdered at a wedding. Daniel Bryan worked his way up, finally won the title, got married and shortly thereafter got a neck injury and lost his title.

Renee Young - Arya Stark
Everybody likes Arya as she is a quick witted little scamp. Renee Young is basically the adult version of that.

The Big Show - Sandor Clegane 
The Hound is a large man who has done some bad things in his past, but he was just doing his job. Deep down, he has shown that he actually isn't that bad of a guy. This is similar to The Big Show who occasionally has done some bad things, but he always shows his nice guy side in the end and both have proven to be more gentle giants than giant jerks.

Natalya - Sansa Stark
Both have a "woe is me" attitude, and although they really have not done anything wrong, they are both easy to dislike without any concrete behavioral flaws.

Jerry Lawler - Petyr Baelish
If there was anyone in the WWE who would run a whorehouse, it would definitely be Jerry Lawler. Also, old school Jerry Lawler had the bad guy tendencies that matched Baelish's personality. Also, they both love women who are too pretty for them.

Bo Dallas - Robin Arryn
Both are shocked when anyone doesn't like them. They both have incredible confidence despite not doing much to earn said confidence. Robin got built up by his mother, and Bo Dallas just BO-lieves in himself.

The Great Khali - Hodor
Both huge humans, which would make you think that they could crush the world. When in reality, they are immobile, and nobody can understand what they are trying to say. Hodor gets the slight edge on value since he carries things a lot of the time where a lot of Khali's value is from his singing and dancing.

Dolph Ziggler - Jon Snow
He's one of those guys that everybody seems to root for. They are not impressive physical specimens and were put in terrible situations for no reason. It seems like punishment, but all they do is work their butts off every chance they get. Each one makes everyone around him better, but it will take extraordinary circumstances for either of them to reach true greatness in the general public's eye.

Emma - Ygritte
Ygritte was a wildling lady who could have killed Jon Snow multiple times but froze up and was distracted long enough for it to lead to her downfall. Emma is a very talented wrestler but often gets distracted by her own dance moves and loses because of it.

Sheamus - Tormund Giantsbane
Is this partially because of the red hair? Yeah, definitely, but they are both giants who think they can take on anything. All Tormund needed to do was end his sentences with "fella" and they basically become the exact same person.

**************************

Ric Flair - Robert Baratheon
Robert gained power by being incredible in the battlefield and he rose to being the undisputed top dog in the world. Flair gained power by being the best wrestler in the world. Once they got their power, they enjoyed the finer things in life as they partied hard and drank and fucked everything they could get their hands on. God bless them both.

Bray Wyatt - Stannis Baratheon
Believes he is the rightful king. Does shady things that make him untrustworthy. Battles forces and seems super powerful, but always loses, and then he just tries again with the same plan. Stannis's one great move involved a demon baby, Bray's involved a child with a voice modulator, so the similarities can be quite shocking.

Luke Harper - Davos Seaworth
He is dedicated to Bray Wyatt. Seems like a nice guy. Could use a fresh change of clothes and both are just learning to read.

Eva Marie - Melisandre
Evil redhead lady who has way more power than she deserves. Seems useless from an outsider's perspective, but has shown some savvy in staying relevant so far. Also, Eva Marie had a uterus problem, and Melisandre produced a smoke demon from hers. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

**************************

Kane - Ramsay Bolton
Both are sadistic monsters that have no sympathy for anything or anyone. They are driven by destruction, but deep down both of them have a longing to be loved and accepted for who they are.

Damien Sandow - Theon Greyjoy (Reek)
Theon used to have charisma and confidence, but then he reached for the stars and failed. After that, things spiraled downwards for him, as he has had his junk removed and has been broken mentally. Damien Sandow had charisma and confidence, won Money in the Bank, challenged Cena and lost, and he is now wearing a tan jumpsuit that made him resemble a eunuch.

**************************

Mark Henry - Gregor Clegane
Everybody thought The Mountain was unbeatable, and he was also kind of ruthless as he burned his brother's face when they were children. That sounds a whole lot like Dog got inducted into the Hall of Pain. Also, Mark Henry is the World's Strongest Man which seems like a title that Gregor probably could have had if he wanted to prove it. In the end, these people are both undone by guys who are quicker than them. Also, just as you should not waste time trying to get The Mountain to confess something, you should probably steer clear when Mark Henry says he is retiring, as they both seem to gain super strength in those situations.

CM Punk - Oberyn Martell
Oberyn is somebody who is only happy when he is doing what he wants. He didn't have to get involved with Tyrion, but he wanted revenge on the Lannisters. He could have killed The Mountain but killing wasn't good enough; he had to get that confession first, and that is why his head exploded. Although CM Punk didn't meet quite as grisly of a fate, all of these same things could be said about him. He wanted to do what he wanted to do, and when he didn't get exactly what he wanted, he proved to be the cause of his own undoing.

I know that doesn't cover everyone, as there were people from GoT and WWE that I wished I could have worked in. Still, it gives a good starting point, and it has the potential to inspire a ton of great fan fiction which is what the internet is all about.