Macho Man Randy Savage Is The Greatest: Volume 2 - The World's Greatest Threat

Macho Man is great. Maybe the greatest. In fact, if you don't have Macho Man as one of the five greatest of all time, all of your opinions about pro wrestling are invalid. He was a master in the ring, he was a master with promos, and he was even a master commentator and spokesperson. In fact, although it was not critically acclaimed, I can still listen to and enjoy his rap album. But people know the highlights of his career, instead, I want to celebrate the less famous moments and bring light to these accomplishments, as they are just as impressive as the highlights.

Hulk Hogan turning heel at the Bash at the Beach in 1996 is one of the most iconic moments in pro wrestling history. It was an incredible shock to this 12-year-old Hulkamaniac, but it also spawned the coolest stable in pro wrestling history. What people don't remember is how WCW responded the next night. Sting gave his speech about Hulk letting everybody down, and it was very ho-hum. Then Macho Man took the microphone and shit got real.

In case you are at work, or if you need someone to help you digest what you just saw, I am going to break down every line from the Macho Man.

I got a message for Hollywood Hogan. 

Okay, that makes sense. He just turned his back on WCW, and especially Macho Man, more than anyone else, so I it is totally reasonable that Savage would have a message for Hogan.

But what I want to tell you and what I want to do to you, I can't say here on television, especially here at Disney. 

Hey-o! Macho's coming in hot, but honestly, this makes sense. He has every right to be angry. The problem is that if he can't say what's on his mind, how will he articulate what he wants to do to Hogan? But you should never question Macho's ability to get his point across, because this man has articulation oozing out of his ass.

But you take the worst thing that you can think about and you multiply it by the number nine million...

Okay, hold up just for a second. Let me do the math here. Worse thing...times...9,000,000...equals...oh man, that's some bad shit right there.

...and then you multiply it by infinity...

Oh, wait, just give me one more second. Times ∞. okay, it looks like that equals 9,000,000 ∞. That seems like a lot.

...and beyond. 

Hum. I can't seem to find the "and beyond" button on this thing. But it's got to be more than 9,000,000 ∞. That was already more than I could count, so it's gotta be pretty intense. And let's not forget that this is how much you should multiply the worst thing that you can think about.

It would be just like one grain of sand in the Sahara Desert, brother. 

Oh, WOW. So even with that large number we just discovered, that would only represent one grain of sand in the Sahara Desert. Doing some quick research with the always reliable Yahoo Answers, I learned that there are eight octillion grains of sand in the Sahara. That means that to figure out what Macho Man is thinking, we have to think of the worst thing we can think of, multiply it by 9,000,000 ∞, and then multiply that by 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

Because it's really really scary what I'm thinking and gonna do to you, YEAH.

Uh...yeah, I'd say so. After doing the math, we have to take the worst thing we can think of and multiply it by 72,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 ∞. What could this possibly mean? How is this possible? Well, after weeks of this question haunting me, the answer finally dawned on me. The key is not who is saying this, but who he is saying it to. What Macho Man understood better than any of us was Hollywood Hogan's former nickname. Not just Hulk, but The Immortal Hulk Hogan. That takes care of the infinity, as this torture that Macho Man wants to put on Hulk Hogan will last for all eternity. That giant number before the infinity? Well, that will always remain a mystery as only Macho Man had the mental capacity to dream up something so awful that it would be 72,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 than your worst nightmare.

It is the greatest threat recorded in human history, and it's another reason why Macho Man Randy Savage was the greatest.

The 5 Worst Impostors In Wrestling History

Wrestling is known for larger than life characters that mostly appeal to children. Since I am basically just a 31-year-old child, I can still fully enjoy the spectacle of it all. But with those larger than life characters, there are inevitably impostors. And the impostors are inherently shitty. These five are remembered for sucking ass, and not a whole lot else.

5. Underfaker
Fake Undertaker was played by Brian Lee, and they did a fairly good job of finding someone of comparable size with the real Undertaker. The problem is trying to wrestle like The Undertaker, who combines the rigidness of a a dead man with the smoothness of an excellent big man professional wrestler. Another thing that helped him is that his run was mostly just one very bad match at SummerSlam, so he didn't stick around long enough to produce much vitriol.

4. Fake Diesel
Fake Diesel, along with another wrestler we will address later, are probably the most well known impostors in wrestling history. It was a garbage idea that was awful from the beginning and continued to be awful throughout its entire run. But they didn't ask Fake Diesel to talk very much, and honestly, it's not like Fake Diesel was a poor wrestler. He was probably less athletic than Diesel, but later in his career, he became a much better wrestler. He is remembered as being far worse than he actually was.

3. Fake Sting
Fake Sting was better than most of the people on the list, as they at least recognized that, yeah, this guy is a ripoff of the real Sting. Sure, they couldn't tell at first, because my 150 pound ass could have walked out in crow face paint, and the WCW roster would have assumed that I was the real Sting. Fake Sting probably had the biggest impact of any of these impostors, as he was the reason Sting went to Crow Sting since WCW turned their back on him. Wrestling wise, he was totally fine, but he obviously lost a lot of his luster once he was known as Fake Sting, especially since Larry Zbysko was able to use his famous Smell Puns and call him Stink from the New World Odor.

2. Fake Razor Ramon
As I mentioned earlier, Fake Diesel wasn't that bad of a version of Diesel. I mean, it was still a rip-off, but outside of being part of one of the worst ideas in wrestling history, it was fairly mundane. Fake Razor Ramon was soooooooooooo bad. I mean, real Razor Ramon was an American pretending to be latino, and Fake Razor was doing a bad impersonation of that while looking like a shorter, bloated version of the real Razor Ramon. It was an unbelievably bad combination, and the WWE quickly realized that Scott Hall was kind of an important part of that whole Razor Ramon gimmick working.

1. Renegade
He is the only guy that managed to not take the name of who was impersonating, but it was so painfully obvious who he was impersonating. The key word being painful, because man, he was the poorest man's version of Ultimate Warrior imaginable. The Ultimate Warrior only worked, because he was totally jacked and brought a ton of energy. The WCW decided to use a smaller, less energetic, not in great shape, version of Ultimate Warrior. He never got close to getting over, but they still gave him a title, so good for him for doing more than most people in wrestling. And I will also give credit to WCW for ending his importance by somebody rubbing the face paint off of him and him realizing that he sucks. He was able to console himself by having fun on the beach.

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked RAW Script From 8/31/15

Hey, I don't know how Lukewarm Jonah got the goods (and honestly, I don't want to know), but he somehow managed to get his hands on this leaked script from RAW last week. He told me this is real, and honestly, it seems fairly legit (although for legal purposes, this may not be legit in any way, shape, and form). LJ, take it away:

RAW opens with Sting’s music hitting as he makes his way to the ring for a promo.

Sting: It’s great to be back here in Tampa.  But now onto the important stuff.  The last time I fought in the WWE I fought The Game, The Asskicker, The greatest, funniest, smartest, most handsome wrestler, no wait person, ever in the history of the entire universe Triple H.  Even though I spent months being angry at him for abusing his power and he had to resort to hitting me in the head with a sledgehammer to win our match at Wrestlemania, him shaking my hand was the greatest moment of my life, way better than my wedding or the birth of my children.  Now I have to fight Seth Rollins who despite being the World Heavyweight Champion and US champion is a complete joke, especially when you compare him to The Cerebral Assassin Triple H.  Coming out here week in and week out and performing at a high level ain’t shit when you compare it to a 46 year old guy who wrestles once a year.  Just on a personal level, I would also like to point out that I’ve seen Triple H in the locker room and let me tell you that he’s always carrying around a sledgehammer if you know what I mean.

Sting leaves, cut to backstage where Seth Rollins and Stephanie McMahon are standing.

Rollins: I’m understandably upset that Sting just completely ran me down.

Steph: Whoa there no one has ever been better than my husband so don’t say, think, or even wonder about it.

Two hours of stupid wrestling that doesn’t include Triple H.  Important note: Make sure to say Diva’s Revolution as much as possible without any irony while putting on incredibly short diva’s matches.

Final segment- Seth Rollins comes out to the ring to cut a promo.

Rollins: Sting sucks, he’s the reason WCW went out of business.  Now since I’m the champion of the world and the United States I think I’m as good as Triple H, note I didn’t even say better just that I think I’m as good, and that I hope that one day I can surpass him because I have career goals and such.  Now come out here Sting.

Steph’s music hits.

Steph: Don’t talk about Triple H, he’s obviously the greatest most popular wrestler ever despite what facts say.

Rollins: Well remember when Triple H was actually an active wrestler?  He was in Evolution with Ric Flair.  Now people think that Ric Flair was the greatest of all time, but Triple H still wanted to be the best and thought that he was better than a much older part time wrestler.  Also remember I literally said I think I’m as good as him, not better.

Steph: Never mention Triple H again unless it’s about a WWE.com list that he’s on the top of.  Don’t let Sting get in your head.

Rollins: You’re right, Sting get out here.

John Cena’s music hits and Cena makes his way to the ring.

Cena: I hate the authority and everything they stand for.  I’ve been battling them forever, one time my team even got them fired for awhile.  But let me tell you something about respect, I respect Triple H because he’s the man.  Now, then, forever, that’s not a WWE slogan, that’s when you should be thinking and talking about Triple H.  You’re just some chump who’s the World Heavyweight and United States champion, clearly I respect those belts because I’m telling you how much you suck even though you hold both of them.  I challenge you to a US Title match.  Steph make it happen.

Steph: Yep that’s happening.

Rollins: Gosh darn it!

Cena’s music hits, Sting’s music hits, then Triple H’s music hits and he comes out, both Cena and Sting shake his hand and bow to him before he Pedigrees them both through the entryway.  Note: We may have to cut out the very end due to time.

Let's Talk About the 1992 Halloween Havoc Promo

Before we get started, please watch the following video. Note: You may think it's terrible, but trust me, it gets worse, so you need to keep watching (but the final two minutes are filler so skip that), as it is rare for anything to be this fascinatingly bad...badass that is.

That's a lot to take in, so let's try our best to break it down.

Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura
Not only two legendary announcers, but also them talking about Jesse Ventura's first political victory that would eventually lead him to become the Governor of Minnesota and get his own conspiracy show.

The Doorman
A doorman opens the eye slot and says, "Spin the wheel," so Madusa, who is on the other side of th door just has to figure out a rhyme for that and she correctly follows with, "Make the deal." I would fire this doorman.

The Crowd
The crowd is a group of degenerates that react to absolutely everything. They are basically like the live-studio audience at Saved by the Bell tapings, only these people are caught on camera and cosplaying a biker gang.

The Midget
He just randomly screams pointless stuff. He's the worst, but still an essential, part of this video.

The Interaction
Jake The Snake Roberts definitely outacts poor Sting by quite a bit.

But the big thing is how they interact with each other. It is clear that Sting and Jake Roberts were not in the same room. They had an idea of what the other one was going to say, but clearly not exactly as their reactions to the other one make ZERO sense. It's amazing. Jake literally tells sting he is going to make him wish he was never born, and Sting just replies with a, "You talk too much, get to the point." The point is that he is going to beat you so badly that you will wish you were never born, were you not paying attention?

Eye Explosion

This video epitomizes early 90s WCW. It's amazing.

1996 Lex Luger Was One of the Greatest Wrestlers Ever

One thing that never stops astonishing me is how great pro wrestling was. i just kind of assumed that I was a dumb kid who was easily amused. This is actually also true, but looking back on things, there were so many guys doing great things that I did not pick up on when watching it the first time around. Lex Luger is an excellent example of this as he is basically just remembered as just a muscled-up dude who was only important because he was the only muscled-up dude WCW had. He had a good look but offered nothing else. That is definitely not the case.

I think this is partly because of The Narcissist and Lex Express era in WWE when he never really was able to build momentum, although winning the 1993 Body Slam Challenge is a legendary accomplishment that still holds up today.

Still, instead of getting him a win over Yokozuna, they found some convoluted way to instead get the belt on Bret Hart while letting Lex Luger slowly fade away.

It looked like WCW was going to use him in the same way as he debuted on the first episode of Nitro and made an impact by...standing there?

Yeah, he just stood there. I guess he kind of looked around a little bit. It kind of took away from the impact when he did finally do something in protecting Hulk Hogan from the Dungeon of Doom. Then, he challenged Hogan, lost without ever having a real chance at winning.

But then something amazing happened. Lex Luger became the most inexplicable member of the Dungeon of Doom. This sounds terrible, but it actually led to the best stretch of Lex's career. He never really split from the Dungeon, but they kind of faded away from each other. Still, Lex Luger played the gutlees heel to perfection. There is no moment that better exemplifies this than this interview with him and Sting interacting with The Road Warriors. Everything Lex Luger says here is amazing.

Quickly, here are the four best things about Lex Luger this interaction.
4. "Stinger, tell 'em I'm from Chicago."
3. When the Road Warriors come out, Luger immediately gets behind Sting.
2. "If you want a Chicago Street Fight, you got it...what is a Chicago Street Fight anyway?"
1. "We'll pro wrestle you anywhere, anytime."

We'll pro wrestle you anywhere, anytime. We'll...pro...wrestle...you...anywhere...anytime. Every word is perfect. I will never stop laughing about that sentence. I would divorce my wife and marry that sentence. This may be one of the ten best promos of all time.

One time, he missed out on a title shot, because he got stuck in traffic and couldn't make it to the arena on time. He got another title shot the next week, so he camped outside the arena the night before to make sure he wouldn't miss it again.

He still lost, but at least he had plenty of potassium.

Still, that Lex Luger was putting together things like this and was still somewhat involved with the Dungeon of Doom sucked some ass, not any fault of Luger's though. I mean, just look at what he does during Road Block's Monday Nitro debut.

Luger did get him up on the third try, but I have a feeling he would have kept dangerously dropping the poor guy and shrugging his shoulders all night long if he had to.

Somehow, 1996 Lex Luger fulfilled all of the potential that one would assume when first looking at the guy. He always had the look, but he finally combined a perfectly realized character along with a hilarious worker who endangered jobbers for the entertainment of the fans. 1996 Lex Luger, you truly were The Total Package.

Rick Rude Is The Most Underrated Wrestler In History

Everybody remembers Rick Rude, but I'm not sure people remember how great Rick Rude was. I'm honestly not sure if there was a better heel during his era, as it was impossible to cheer for Rick Rude. He was better than everybody else, and there was nothing more that he loved to do than shove that fact right down their throats. Still, he is not remembered for being as great as he was, and now that Macho Man is in, Rick Rude is definitely the most deserving person to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

The guy had it all. Rick Rude was amazing on the mic. In his debut match, he set the tone for what his schtick would be:

Sweathogs is an insult that is not used nearly enough. It elaborates enough on a simple pig comment by not only saying you look like a hog which takes care of fat and ugly, but you both look and smell disgusting with the sweat added in. Underrated in this clip is Vince McMahon commenting on Rude as he disrobes, "Well, pretty good abs, traps not too bad," and then the camera flashes to a fat kid, and McMahon gets completely flustered. It's all perfect.

And then, after his match, he kisses a woman so passionately that she faints from the experience. If I had a nickel for every time that happened to me...I would have like 25 cents, although I think the girls may have just pretended to pass out to prevent any funny business. Either way, I'm a helluva kisser. Underrated part of after the match is that Rick Rude would then stand over the woman and gyrate his hips. I really should have tried that maneuver to show the ladies that I'm a bonafide stud.

But it wasn't just on the mic that Rude was a stud, as he could flat out wrestle. He succeeded in WWE, WCW, and in Japan while excelling in every style. This man could not only have great matches with other great wrestlers; he managed to not only get a good match but good matches out of the Ultimate Warrior.

That alone should be enough to make him a Hall of Famer. And the guy was a heel through and through. Rude used to just flex his ass in the middle of the ring or gyrate his hips and get boos rained down on him. He was a total heel in that every bit of his offense made you think this was a bad guy. It was full of headlocks and sleepers and punches to the gut. That slow offense makes it impossible to cheer for a guy. But even when he would add some flash and hold suplexes, there was always that little bit of him showing off that made people hate him.

Oh yeah, and the man loved to show ass. There is nobody in history that got depantsed more than Rude.

And although he never became World Champion in the WWE, he did manage to do it in the WCW.

He not only beat Flair for the title, but he also managed to make out with one of Flair's many different women. As far as I know, he may be the only guy who can claim the latter. He had an incredible career where he not only managed to look great, but he always made his opponents look great as well. After finally becoming a World Champion, he actually never lost the title. Unfortunately, he injured his back in a freak accident in a match against Sting in Japan and was forced to retire. But Rick Rude was pure money both in and out of the ring.

That being said, had he just gone to the ring in his custom made tights, he still would probably be one of my 20 favorite wrestlers of all time. Here are the top five things that Rick Rude had airbrushed on the front of his tights:
5. His Face

It's an incredibly great way to peacock. I mean, if Mystery is armed with a top hat and a boa, you're going to blow him out of the water with custom made tights with your face on the front. A great pickup gambit would be asking a girl to kiss you on your airbrushed lips.

4. Championship Belt

Since you can't wear your title belt at all times, it is best to just airbrush it on there to let the ladies know that anytime you put on your pants, you're a champion. They'll learn later that when you take off your pants, you're even more of a champion.

3. Regis and Kathie Lee's Faces

Yep, just Rick Rude making a woman pass out from the passion of his kiss, and then showing off Kathie Lee's airbrushed face on his front side, while using his backside to make Regis animated when he flexed his ass. This is a very boss maneuver for whenever you are invited on to a talk show, and I think more people should follow Rick Rude's lead.

2. His Opponent's Face

I mean, how demeaning is that? Just your face is right on his dick. That has to be one of the most alpha maneuvers anyone can possibly pull off.

1. His Opponent's Wife's Face

This is the most alpha maneuver. His opponent had a woman? Yeah, Rick Rude's going to put that woman's face right over his dick. Imagine somebody doing that to you. If somebody put my wife's face on their pants, I'd have no choice but to fight them. Like, I couldn't just let them keep wearing those pants. But man, if I saw somebody doing that to somebody else's wife, I would applaud that dude for the gumption. Basically, I am just saying that this is one of the greatest heel maneuvers ever, and I really want a wrestler to bring it back.

After his wrestling days were over due to a back injury, he still had one of the most memorable moments of the Monday Night Wars when he showed up on both shows at the exact same time. Since Raw was pretaped every other week, Rude was there for the taping, but his contract ended and he showed up on a live episode of Monday Nitro.

Yeah, if this isn't 100% the reason that Rude isn't in the WWE Hall of Fame, then it is at least 99% of the reason. He not only screwed over WWE, but then he buried them on their competitor's show. A couple years after this, Rick Rude died at the age of 40 from heart failure. He was a wrestler in the 80s and 90s, so he undoubtedly lived a hard life, but one that still ended far too soon.

Basically, if I was going to be a pro wrestler, I would want to be Rick Rude. Great look, great mustache, and could live like a heel in every aspect of life. Rick Rude's one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time; he's criminally underrated, and WWE needs to put him in the Hall of Fame immediately. It's long overdue for an all-time great.

Finn Balor Is a Can't Miss Superstar

NXT is probably the best wrestling show since WCW Monday Nitro (the early years). Literally, everyone who gives it a shot immediately falls in love with it and is hooked. It's referred to as WWE's Developmental System, but it is really more WWE's Independent Wrestling Show. It's a small arena, rare traveling, and extremely colorful characters that are perfect for NXT but may not yet be ready to translate to the big stage.

One guy, more than anyone else on the NXT roster, who is ready for the big stage is Finn Balor. Now I guess I should just get this out of the way. Balor is awesome in the ring, but that doesn't really separate him from a lot of guys in NXT with Hideo Itami, Sami Zayn, and Kevin Owens around, in-ring talent is not an issue for many guys at that level. The thing that truly separates him is charisma. Finn Balor demands your attention.

Although I love Sami Zayn, nobody has anything close to what Balor has with "The Beast." That crazy full body paint and creepy crawl to the ring will make him an instant hit with any child, and honestly, even as a 30-year-old adult, I think it's pretty cool too. But kids love face paint, so the whole design is going to make them think he's the coolest thing to ever be in a WWE ring. I remember being a child, and I loved all face paint guys, Ultimate Warrior, Sting, Tatanka, and even Great Muta were all some of my favorites, and I don't think them all having face paint was any sort of coincidence.

I was there for WrestleMania weekend, and even at Axxess, everybody stopped to watch Balor, both in his entrance and then his matches. Then, the crowd blew up when he came out in full "Beast" mode at the live NXT show on Friday night. Finn Balor has a presence to him, and just as much as his wrestling, that will translate when he moves up to the main roster.

Where guys like Sami Zayn might be a huge superstar, there is no doubt with Balor. Finn Balor will be a huge superstar. He's got everything it takes, and he is already WWE's golden ticket to a main event superstar.

Still, I wouldn't mind seeing him stick around the best weekly hour of wrestling for a while longer.

WrestleMania 31 Betting Odds Analysis

Today, we have our top special guest writer, Lukewarm Jonah, taking the reins for the analysis of the WrestleMania 31 betting odds. I'll add insight, but he's the main event, and my goal is just to be an entertaining sideshow (my comments will be in italics), like a WeeLC match.

It’s a tradition unlike any other, a yearly event that overshadows the Oscars, Super Bowl, World Series, and Final Four combined.  Not Wrestlemania, but Hott Joe and Lukewarm Jonah’s Wrestlemania betting odds analysis.  Let’s get to it.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal  
Mizdow is the favorite in this and I’d love to see him win.  A couple of years ago he was super over and had a Money in the Bank contract.  Then he must have pissed someone important off because he fell off the face of the Earth, fast.  Now last year a real wild card in Cesaro won it, he wasn’t even announced to be in it.  Since I can’t see the future and don’t know what random people will be in it, I’m leaning towards a couple of guys with heavy odds against them because I think they’ll use the battle royal to try and actually make someone a star and push them.  Curtis Axel and his Axelmania is at 14/1 and Fandango who has been winning quite a few matches of late is at 25/1.  I’ll go Axel, and watch Alexmania run wild all over Santa Clara.

I'm actually going with Sheamus in this one. The WWE LOVES them Sheamus. He's had a video package going for what feels like the last six months, so he'll win by Brogue Kicking Zack Ryder out of the ring.

AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins
AJ Lee and Paige are the big favorites here and I think they’ll win as well.  The question I have to ask myself is do the odds make it appealing to think the Bellas may win because no one who books the WWE really cares about the Divas so anything can happen.  I’m going to stick with the favorites and put my money on AJ and Paige, and go out on a huge limb and say that there’s a miscommunication between the Bellas which leads the WWE to remember that not too long ago Nikki was wishing that Brie had “Died in the womb.”  Actually I really hope that doesn’t happen because those were some of the worst segments I have ever seen.

What I would like to see in this match is Brock Lesnar come out and F-5 everyone, but I could say that for just about every match in the history of wrestling. Instead, I predict that the WWE gives the WrestleMania crowd what they want and give AJ and Paige the victory. But for funsies, we'll still say some Total Divas interfere after the match, and Joey Styles gets a mic to yell "CAT FIGHT."

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match
First of all, this is clearly the match that will steal the show at Wrestlemania.  A seven way ladder match featuring the best wrestlers in the WWE?  Fantastic.  They just replaced the Money in the Bank contract with the IC title and told a bunch of great workers to go at it.  Dean Ambrose is the heavy favorite here, but honestly, I don’t see him that way.  I don’t think Bryan will win because he’ll be in the main event picture still.  Barrett at 9/2 to retain is an attractive option, as is Ziggler at 11/1 and Harper at 19/1.  Even Truth at 35/1 is great odds.  This is a tough call.  I’m going with Ziggler at 11/1.  He should be in the main event picture, but he won’t be.

Since the main event will likely not be a crowd pleaser, they make up for it by giving Ziggler the win. People love Dolph Ziggler; I love Dolph Ziggler, and Kent State could really use it after what happened to Ian Miller at the NCAA Wrestling Tournament.

Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Orton is the slight favorite here, but pretty close to a pick em match.  I’m going with Orton getting the win.  Rollins has beat Orton at every opportunity before and made him look like a punk.  This is the time for Orton to get his revenge and win the big match.  I also think this outcome is likely for a prop bet that I’ll be talking about later.

I agree. Orton gets his revenge. Also, this match doesn't excite me on paper, but it probably has a very good chance of being the second best match after the Divas Ladder Match.

John Cena vs. Rusev
Cena is the heavy favorite here with Rusev being a 4/1 dog.  But can you really see Cena with the US Title?  Really?  Really?  I mean I suppose Cena could win via DQ or countout but they usually don’t pull that crap at Wrestlemania.  I’m backing the underdog Rusev.  Cena puts him over again and actually builds up a big monster heel.

Cena wins and The Authority immediately makes the US Title the number one title in the WWE. A nine-minute montage is shown of past US Champions. Eight of those minutes is Johnny B. Badd shooting off his confetti gun. Nobody brings up the fact that Johnny never won the US Title.

The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt
Undertaker a big favorite here, but not like he was when the streak was going on.  Wyatt is an 11/4 underdog. Again I’m going with the underdog Wyatt.  Maybe the reason that the Undertaker lost last year was so he could put over a couple of guys before he retires without having to have them be the guys who ended the streak.  It’s hard to see Taker losing back to back Wrestlemania matches, but I’m still thinking Wyatt pulls off the win here and goes on to the main event scene for quite some time.

Undertaker wins with help from some of his past opponents, who he will bring back from the dead. Guys like Giant Gonzalez, Big Bossman, and CM Punk. 

Sting vs. Triple H
They didn’t bring Sting in just to lose did they?  They’re not really that stupid are they?  H’s ego isn’t that out of control is it?  These questions haunt me a bit, especially since Sting has had the upper hand throughout this entire feud making a Triple H win slightly more possible, but they aren’t that dumb are they?  Well they are, but I’m still betting on the heavy favorite Sting. Sting is 1/7 so not a lot of money to be made here, but he’s got to be the choice to win.

Sting, because WCW was legitimately better during the early Nitro days, and it was so bad that it was amazing during the latter stages.

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar
The big one, the World Heavyweight Championship match.  Not the odds I was hoping for as I see Lesnar as a huge underdog here.  It makes sense for Reigns to beat him after winning the Rumble and that they clearly see him as the future of the WWE.  I can see Heyman turning on Lesnar and backing Reigns to turn him heel since the crowd hates him already, but I think there’s also a chance that Lesnar resigned and could keep the belt.  At only a 9/4 underdog with Reigns at a 2/7 favorite I’m taking Reigns.  If the odds were a little more favorable I might switch over to Lesnar but as they sit I’ve got to go with the favorite.

Roman Reigns wins. He can, he will. Also, just a sidenote about all of the hate towards Roman Reigns. I don't know how people are saying he doesn't have enough experience for this push when everyone freaked out that he didn't win the Royal Rumble in 2014. It came down to him and Batista, and everybody was pumped at the thought of Reigns winning. Yes, people would have wanted Daniel Bryan more, but had the WWE surprised the world and let Reigns win last year, none of this experience crap would have been brought up. Reigns is still raw, but sometimes being larger than life is more important than wrestling talent. I'm not a huge Reigns fan or hater, but you're crazy if you don't understand why the WWE is pushing this guy...

Prop Bet: Money in the Bank
The prop bet I teased earlier, will the Money in the Bank contract be cashed in?  I say yes at a 5/4 underdog.  Here’s the scenario.  Rollins loses a hard fought match against Orton so it seems less likely that he’ll cash in.  Reigns somehow overcomes the Beast and takes the title from him.  He’s exhausted, hurt, but he triumphed.  Rollins comes from out of nowhere and cashes in.  This is the way to create two new superstars.  Reigns is a star because he did the impossible and beat Lesnar.  Rollins is a star because he’s the champ.  I think it makes the most sense.

...but that being said, I hope Rollins curb stomps him and gives the fans what they want. I'll be there in person, and it would be awesome. 

Sensational Sherri Is the Greatest Woman in Pro Wrestling History

Pro wrestling, as a whole, has never been very progressive when it comes to its treatment of women. Even today, "Divas" are unimportant at best and are usually seen as a nuisance. Very few women have been able to rise above that level, but there are a few outliers. The Fabulous Moolah was probably the first, Trish Stratus and Lita managed to do it during the Attitude Era, and AJ Lee has had her moments as well. As great as these women have been, for my money, there's nobody that can top Sensational Sherri.

She was a manager that mattered. She was able to increase the importance of who she was managing while still letting the wrestler be the star. Her best run was definitely in the WWE where she took over Miss Elizabeth's role as Macho Man's manager and somehow kept pace with Macho Man during his promos. That alone makes her a Hall of Famer, because Macho Man was the most amazing combination of charisma, creativity, and insanity.

Macho Man would be the star in any pairing, but she added to the reasons to boo the man who was then known as the Macho King. After getting sent to the curb when Macho King lost a retirement match to the Ultimate Warrior where Savage reunited with Miss Elizabeth, she became the original singer of the greatest wrestling theme music of all time, "Sexy Boy," as she managed Shawn Michaels.

Everybody remembers HBK as a guy who was amazing in the ring and compelling outside of it, but he had to work up to that point. He was always good in the ring, but he got better when he became a singles star and had to put on full matches consistently. On the mic, he was pretty weak early on. He kind of reminded me of Dolph Ziggler in that you could see the potential, but there was something that was just a little off where he didn't quite get the reactions that he should have. Sherri truly was Sensational as the crowd absolutely despised her and she brought Shawn up a level as his manager.

Although her WCW career did not always keep her in the main event scene, she made a pretty amazing impact at her debut at Clash of the Champions. It was a mystery who she would be supporting, and it wasn't until the main event where she came out in Sting face paint to show her support for WCW's top babyface in his match to unite the World Titles against Ric Flair. Late in the match, Flair pulled Sherri in front of him and Sting accidentally hit her. Sting was concerned, and Flair rolled him up for the pin. She then revealed that her and Flair were in it together all along. Sting got mad, Flair cheapshotted him, and Sherri leg dropped his nuts. Hulk Hogan came out to restore order, but Sherri slapped him in the face and escaped the ring before he could do anything about it (Side note: The entire time that Hogan was in the ring with Sherri, Jimmy Hart was screaming "Hit her" into his megaphone. That probably wouldn't fly today). Overall, it was a pretty awesome performance from the woman who was now known as Sensuous Sherri.

Just as impressive as her ability to help elevate the person she managed, her ability to get her ass kicked during matches and just bounce back like she was a legitimate fighter meant that she was on her own level as a woman in wrestling. She would take bumps from the likes of Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, and the aforementioned Sting, but that would just knock her down, and she wouldn't magically go unconscious for an hour like most women in wrestling. She got back up to cause more havoc. She was strong enough to choke Hogan during matches, and she actually got credit for hurting men instead of just distracting them. Hell, she even jumped off a cage in WCW to deliver a double axe handle to Hogan. After that, she handcuffed Mr. T, but then took an uncomfortable amount of offense from Hogan. It was pretty rad.

Sherri Martel had many nicknames through her time in pro wrestling, Sensational and Scary being the most notable. And both of those were fitting. The latter, because she could actually do damage to those who opposed the wrestler she managed. And the former, because she was likely the greatest woman in the history of wrestling. She truly was Sensational.

Keep The Beer Flowing

So I went for an all-day drinkathon while tailgating this weekend. Whenever I do something like this, I am reminded of the Toby Keith song where he says, "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was." At 28 years old, that is where I am at when it comes to my drinking days.

Things did not start out well as the gas station we stopped at did not have any Natural Light. I knew I was going to have to switch to swill later on when we went to the bar, but I was not hoping to start out with it. Oh well, Bud Light it is.

Drinking starts at 8:00 AM, because it was an afternoon game, so I was able to get by with a later start. I proceeded to drink about a dozen beers and eat a whole gang of free tacos. That is really the best thing about tailgating. Every single person tailgating somehow makes way too much food, so people are always looking to give food away. If I was homeless, I would just buy a college/pro shirt of whatever city I was in, and have like 8-10 awesome meals each year. I really hope there are homeless people reading this at the public library.

Then it was time to the bar, because football is not a fun sport to watch in person, as when you are at the game, you realize how slow of a game football is. Also, since it was a college game, I would have had to stop drinking. We get to the bar about 15 minutes before the game starts, and I somehow manage to weasel my way into a seat by the bar. This is the last good news from that bar, because I am a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, and they managed to shit the bed, the couch, and the recliner. They just shit everywhere.

Then we went to this crappy little dive bar that is a couple blocks away from the serious action. Some lady, who was obviously trying to impress me, put some money in the jukebox and let me pick the songs. So I put on a bunch of awesome songs. You bet your ass that I put on some "Moondance" by Van Morrison, because I am a classy gentleman. I proceeded to dance and romance throughout the song.

I also decided to put on Roxanne, so we could play the Roxanne drinking game (one person/team drinks every time Sting says Roxanne, the other/team does it when he says Red Light). Unfortunately, my one buddy had not gotten back with our beers when the song started, so another buddy and I started singing. We were warned for singing too loud...at a bar! We did calm down, but mostly because it was during the verse and not the refrain. When the refrain hit, we took it to another level as we battled to see who could be more awesome while singing the song. You really haven't lived until you have shimmied and screamed "Roxanne" into a friend's face in a public place. We were asked to leave, but I do not blame myself or my friend, I blame their service, because if we would have had beers, we could have just harmlessly slammed our 20th (estimate) beer of the day. Keep the beer flowing, and we keep the harmless, good times going.

To top it all off, later on my buddy passed on the beers and switched to liquor and ended up face planting at the end of the night. This is what happens when you don't keep the beer flowing. Some say beer before liquor, never been sicker. They could say that beer before liquor can be a real ass kicker.