The WWE Is Ruining... Goldust

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, I look at (deeply inhale) Goooooooollllllllllldustttttttttttt.

Goldust has seemingly been around forever. He started in the NWA/WCW over 30 years ago, in 1988, and the Goldust gimmick has been around since 1995. Originally, Goldust was just a super sexualized wrestler whose peacocking would have made Mystery jealous. The character has mostly devolved from there as it has included cross-dressing, Tourette's, and being a cuck. That last one was only ended due to the real life death of Brian Pillman.

A weird thing happened over his nearly 25 years in the role. 20 years into it when he should be thinking about retirement, he was doing the best in-ring work of his career. He put on some great tag matches while teaming with his brother Cody Rhodes (no clue what that guy is doing these days) and even some really entertaining stuff teaming with R-Truth.

He has been out the past several months with a knee injury, and considering his age, it's probably best that he doesn't come back as a singles wrestler, especially with what he has shown in the recent past as part of a tag team.

And as great as The Brotherhood and The Golden Truth were, neither of those teams compare to his greatest tag team. I'm of course talking about Goldust and Booker T, sucka.

I know what you're thinking. Why am I showing a video of Booker T and Latrell Sprewell in a post about Goldust? Well, that isn't actually the famous shooting guard; it's the legend himself, Goldust, in an elaborate disguise. I know, even when he says he's not Sprewell, it's still almost impossible to tell. The range that Goldust had with Booker T is truly incredible. A quick search of YouTube has Goldust disguising as Kane, Darth Vader, and even Santa Claus.

"But Booker T retired" you say? Oh, I guess he would never consider coming back for something like this, except for Booker T himself said he wants Bookdust to get back together.


With a retired Booker and a Goldust that hasn't been around in a while, maybe they shouldn't go straight to dominating the entire tag team division. Hell, I'm not even sure if they need to wrestle more than a handful of times a year. But in between, let's have Goldust dress up, use a sophomoric sexual innuendo, and occasionally trick Booker T into a sexual misadventure.

Is that really too much to ask?

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Ahmed Johnson: What Is There To Say?

Ahmed Johnson was my jam as a child. I was a big fan of muscular dudes, and especially liked guys with face paint or minorities. Had Great Muta been more muscular, he probably would have been my favorite wrestler of all time. But Ahmed Johnson still fit nicely within that niche.

Because of that, in my draft folder, I have had a post with Ahmed Johnson's name on it and not much else. I know there is something to be said about Ahmed Johnson, but I'm not exactly sure what I should be focusing on.

I could focus on his physique as he was a giant black man, and he was incredibly over during his WWE career. Every time the dude showed up, people got jacked up about his presence. He really didn't do much outside of being big and strong, but that was enough. He seemed destined for stardom based strictly on aesthetic appeal, but it never came together.

I guess I could talk about why it didn't come together. Ah yes, injuries. This is a guy who was always pushed pretty hard; he never seemed to take clean losses, but it only got him as far as the Intercontinental Title, which he had to relinquish immediately because he got injured. Ahmed Johnson had an athletic build, but he never really looked athletic. Everything seemed strained, and despite the million dollar exterior, the interior never held up to get him that World Title push.

I could talk about his time in the Nation of Domination, but it is literally the most forgettable thing out there. It could have been a really important thing of African American performers banding together as they felt the establishment was holding them down, but they didn't push Farooq into the title and things kind of had to go in a different direction. They turned on Ahmed Johnson, and Ahmed went right back to fighting against the Nation of Domination like he didn't just say they made some good points a few weeks earlier. But don't worry about the Nation; they ended up finding a rather charismatic superstar to replace Ahmed Johnson (Hint: he has the same last name).

I could talk about his run in WCW as Big T, but I think we should forget everything that led Booker T to become Booker to become GI Bro. 

I could talk about his promos, but what can you really say about this?

See, there's nothing to really say about that. And, here's another promo:

Okay, you got me. I have some thoughts on this. There is simply no way to listen to this promo and not think that Stone Cold Steve Austin sexually assaulted Ahmed Johnson. I mean, Ahmed gets mad at Stone Cold for entering the zone, which he later clarifies as his zone, and then he further clarifies that it is an end zone. He then FURTHER clarifies that an end zone is a place where you score and admitted that Stone Cold Steve Austin scored on him. He then warns that he is going to score on Stone Cold, and that Austin should look out, because he's coming to get him. Um, I mean, what do you say to that?

I've got nothing to say about Ahmed Johnson.