Breaking Down the 2017 Royal Rumble Betting Odds

Joe: It's that time of year again where Lukewarm Jonah and I look at what Vegas is saying about the second biggest sporting event of the year, The Royal Rumble. The Royal Rumble was my favorite event of the year growing up as a child, and honestly, it's still one of the events that I most look forward to throughout the year as an adult. Jonah, what are your thoughts on the Rumble, and are you expecting this to be a good Rumble or a bad one?

Jonah: You know I’m actually really excited for this Rumble.  No BS, the star power of this Rumble is pretty impressive.  There have been previous years where there were maybe 2 or 3 people who had an actual shot of winning the Rumble and this year there are probably 10 which makes it actually interesting.  Since I do have high expectations, that means this Rumble will probably be complete garbage.

Joe: Star power is definitely there, but a lot of the big names aren’t guys I’m particularly excited about. I’m still excited about some of the possibilities of guys showing up. Without further adieu, here are the odds (as of 1/23), courtesy of SkyBet.

Bill Goldberg 5/2
The Undertaker 11/4
Braun Strowman 100/30
Randy Orton 4/1
Finn Balor 9/2
Samoa Joe 9/2
Chris Jericho 11/1
Seth Rollins 14/1
Brock Lesnar 14/1
John Cena 16/1
Baron Corbin 18/1
Kurt Angle 20/1
Sami Zayn 20/1
The Miz 20/1
Bray Wyatt 22/1
Dean Ambrose 25/1
Roman Reigns 28/1
Triple H 33/1
AJ Styles 33/1
Shinsuke Nakamura 40/1
Kenny Omega 40/1
Cesaro 40/1
Kevin Owens 40/1
Big Cass 66/1
Shawn Michaels 66/1
Big E 66/1
Karl Anderson 66/1
Austin Aries 66/1
Dolph Ziggler 66/1
Enzo Amore 66/1
Kane 66/1
The Big Show 66/1
Luke Harper 66/1
Bobby Roode 80/1
Tye Dillinger 80/1
Rusev 80/1
Sheamus 100/1
Neville 100/1
Kofi Kingston 100/1
Xavier Woods 100/1
Apollo Crews 100/1
Mark Henry 100/1
Kalisto 100/1
Shane McMahon 150/1
Vince McMahon 250/1

Joe: Looking at the top of this list, I am totally underwhelmed by the favorites. I understand Goldberg has gotten some big pops, but does anybody want to watch him main event WrestleMania? It’s not like this guy was ever known for putting on classic matches. Undertaker gains nothing by having a belt on the line in his match, so it would really just be a waste. Randy Orton? No. And Samoa Joe isn’t ready to headline a WrestleMania even though he has been pretty great after a slow start when he first came to NXT. That leaves two of the top six guys that would actually be interesting. That leaves the only two interesting favorites as Braun Strowman and Finn Balor. Braun is just a big, strong, unstoppable giant, and I can always get behind that. Finn is still probably the best choice, as him trying to take back the title he never lost would be a good storyline, and him taking on Kevin Owens would be one hell of a match to end the show. However, we’re not sure if he’s actually healthy enough to compete, so I’m going to keep looking down this list. Jonah, what do you think of these favorites?

Jonah: Well I can certainly understand the favorites, but I think there’s some logical reasons why most of the top guys aren’t winning.  I assume Goldberg is fighting Lesnar at Wrestlemania, or they’re just going to let Goldberg dominate Lesnar throughout their entire WWE careers.  Also, It seems like Goldberg would need to make his cardio waaayy better in order to have a Wrestlemania World Title match.  Speaking of guys with no cardio hey Undertaker.  He’s super old, had some pretty serious injuries lately and works one match a year, is he really going to fight for the World Title?  I assume Randy Orton will probably be fighting Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania, and even if he’s not, no one’s excited about Randy Orton fighting for a World Title.  Balor and Strowman are clearly the most likely to win out of the favorites.  If Balor is healthy and able to compete I think he’s the most likely to win.  WWE loves having injured guys come back and win the Rumble.  Believe it or not, I think Joe has a bit of a chance.  I don’t think they’d have a guy win the Rumble in his debut but Joe has a great chance of fighting with either of the guys in the Smackdown World Title match.  He has a very long and well known history with AJ Styles and those guys would put on the type of 5 star match that it’s rumored the WWE is looking for.  Joe and Cena have also been friends for a very long time so I could see them fighting it out at Wrestlemania and Cena even putting Joe over.  

Joe: If it’s just a World Title match, I could see Joe winning. If it actually means the main event, there is no chance. I honestly have no clue as to how Smackdown is progressing that title since they have Cena facing off against AJ Styles in a completely meaningless match at Royal Rumble, because both of them will inevitably be in the Elimination Chamber a month later.

When I work my way through the middle of this list, there is obviously one name standing out at 20/1, and that is the man that I picked to win the Royal Rumble over a month ago, Sami Zayn. Is it going to happen? Probably not, but it wouldn’t be totally outrageous if it did. You make the final four Goldberg, Lesnar, Strowman, and Zayn, and how hyped would that crowd be for Zayn? Also, WrestleMania is in the home of NXT, Orlando, Florida, this year and Sami is Mr. NXT. Come on, Mr. McMahon, give me Sami Zayn main eventing WrestleMania.

Jonah: Lots of guys a little lower down the list who are interesting.  Getting John Cena at 16/1 to win anything is pretty attractive odds.  Just like getting the Big Dog Roman Reigns at 28/1 to win anything is very attractive.  The WWE sure likes it when these guys win, so you’ve got to love those odds.  Now of course either one or both of these guys could already be World Champ and therefore have no reason to enter the Rumble, but man those long odds.  In the same vein as those two picks, AJ Styles at 33/1 and Kevin Owens at 40/1 look pretty awesome as well.  Either one of those guys loses their title match, but then enter late in the Rumble and win a shot at their title at Wrestlemania.  Outside of current title holders and number one contenders, I’ve gotta love Sami Zayn too.  Maybe it’s just Joe and his constant logic about why Sami could actually win the Rumble, but I think he’s got a real shot.  You have Zayn, the ultimate underdog win the Rumble somehow.  You have your next two months of booking set up easily.  Strowman challenges Zayn for his number one contendership at the next PPV, Zayn pulls off the win proving he is Wrestlemania worthy then fights against Owens finishing their feud that started a year ago and guaranteeing a fantastic match as well.  It’s so logical and easy that there’s no way it will happen.  Joe, tell me about your favorite super long shot or shots.

Joe: Okay, I have a couple longshots. We’ll touch on the bigger bang for your buck first, as how is Rusev 80/1? Is there anybody who sees this man and goes, “Ugh, it’s Rusev?” Every time Rusev pops up, I practically get tears of joy streaming down my face like I’m a little girl seeing her favorite boy band. He’s that phenomenal at everything.

Then, can I just touch on that murderer’s row at 40/1? Can that just be a Fatal Four Way main event at WrestleMania? Obviously, Kevin Owens is there, who I still think is going to retain. Shinsuke Nakamura, who is amazing, but they’re not going to debut him and Samoa Joe on the same night, and we’re all pretty sure Joe is showing up. Then you’ve got Cesaro, who is the most physically impressive wrestler ever, as nobody should be able to do the things he does, who isn’t a terrible pick. But then you’ve got the name that is 99% not going to happen, Kenny Omega. Omega vs. Okada was one of the greatest wrestling matches ever, and he hasn’t shown up with New Japan since. Is that just a slight bit of smoke in the air? I mean, it’s probably just dust, but right now, there is no hotter name than Kenny Omega. Triple H is saying they would like to have him without using his name, and Omega is saying he’d be open to the WWE as long as he comes in as a star. I mean, there’s worse things to root for during the Rumble.

Jonah: Let’s say the WWE really decides to shake things up and have a true shocking winner of the Rumble.  I see a couple of guys that have an outside shot of shocking the world.  I love Big E at 66/1.  He’s a future World Champion and the New Day don’t have the tag titles anymore.  It’s time for them to move on and help Big E win his shot at the title.  New evil heel Dolph Ziggler is on a bit of what has to be a redemption storyline to prove he’s not a huge loser.  He’s a 66/1 underdog and has had two title matches since the brand split so he’s not exactly outside the main event even though he’s on a losing streak gimmick.  He will also put on a very good match, especially against AJ Styles since everyone will put on at least a decent match against AJ Styles.  Then there’s Rusev, who last year was one of the top guys in terms of odds at 80/1.  It’s obviously not likely that he wins, but he’s a guy who is a main event level heel who should be the top main event level heel but he’s too Bulgarian or something.  Also at 80/1 it’s Tye Dillenger.  Stop to think about that for a minute, you can get the same odds that Rusev wins the Rumble as Tye Dillenger.  Tye is awesome and a perfect 10 and needs to enter at 10, but he’s not winning guys.  Though not listed on your odds, I also like Barack Obama at 1000/1.  That guy’s in need of a job and I believe that he would generate heat unlike no other heel in the history of wrestling.  Any fun bold predictions for the Rumble Joe?

Joe: I’ll go with a surprise entrance from Chris Hero. Hero already spent years in WWE developmental, and he’s really not going to learn much at this point about how to get over in front of a crowd of 500 people; he’s been doing that for a decade. Hero isn’t going to win the thing or be put into a main event feud right away, but he is a valuable guy that you can put on the main roster and have awesome matches with. A Chris Hero/Rusev feud is definitely something I could get behind.

As for the old guy surprise entrance, Kurt Angle really wouldn’t be a surprise at this point, so let’s go with the biggest name possible, and say the Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin shows up to have a few Broken Skull IPAs and hit a few stunners. This isn’t going to happen, but it’d be cool. If you want another weird one, let’s just go with somebody from DX, because the WWE won’t ever stop pushing them down our throats, even though they were never good. How about you?

Jonah: Let’s see, the Rumble is in Texas so how about a surprise Rumble appearance from Terry Funk?  Since the Rumble is pretty much about crazy returns, I’ll also say Cody Rhodes comes back at the Rumble and rejoins the WWE.  And we need one more random entrant, how about MVP?  Haven’t seen him in awhile, he can come back and be an underwhelming surprise.  In terms of a surprise that’s not a returning wrestler, I say Big Cass makes the final four even though I don’t think he has any chance of winning.  Vince is a big fan of him, and it seems like there’s always a super random guy in the final four.  Now we’ve talked about a few different wrestlers and scenarios, time to put your money where your mouth is.  Who are you taking in the Rumble?

Joe: Triple H said that nobody can predict what’s going to happen at the Rumble. That kind of gives me hope for all of my longshot picks. It could also mean that Triple H is going over, because that’s always an option with H. But I picked Zayn last month, and he did get some major momentum by taking out Seth Rollins on Raw. Also, I don’t love any of the other picks, so I might as well stick with it and have something to root for with all of my heart during the Rumble.

Jonah: My pick to win the whole thing is Finn Balor.  They’ve clearly got huge plans for Finn and as I stated before the WWE’s favorite thing is guys coming back from injury and winning the Rumble.  Also, there’s a good chance that he enters at 30 and everyone could get eliminated while he does a 5 minute entrance making him the automatic winner.

Joe: Now that would be a shocking Rumble ending. 

Ahmed Johnson: What Is There To Say?

Ahmed Johnson was my jam as a child. I was a big fan of muscular dudes, and especially liked guys with face paint or minorities. Had Great Muta been more muscular, he probably would have been my favorite wrestler of all time. But Ahmed Johnson still fit nicely within that niche.

Because of that, in my draft folder, I have had a post with Ahmed Johnson's name on it and not much else. I know there is something to be said about Ahmed Johnson, but I'm not exactly sure what I should be focusing on.

I could focus on his physique as he was a giant black man, and he was incredibly over during his WWE career. Every time the dude showed up, people got jacked up about his presence. He really didn't do much outside of being big and strong, but that was enough. He seemed destined for stardom based strictly on aesthetic appeal, but it never came together.

I guess I could talk about why it didn't come together. Ah yes, injuries. This is a guy who was always pushed pretty hard; he never seemed to take clean losses, but it only got him as far as the Intercontinental Title, which he had to relinquish immediately because he got injured. Ahmed Johnson had an athletic build, but he never really looked athletic. Everything seemed strained, and despite the million dollar exterior, the interior never held up to get him that World Title push.

I could talk about his time in the Nation of Domination, but it is literally the most forgettable thing out there. It could have been a really important thing of African American performers banding together as they felt the establishment was holding them down, but they didn't push Farooq into the title and things kind of had to go in a different direction. They turned on Ahmed Johnson, and Ahmed went right back to fighting against the Nation of Domination like he didn't just say they made some good points a few weeks earlier. But don't worry about the Nation; they ended up finding a rather charismatic superstar to replace Ahmed Johnson (Hint: he has the same last name).

I could talk about his run in WCW as Big T, but I think we should forget everything that led Booker T to become Booker to become GI Bro. 

I could talk about his promos, but what can you really say about this?

See, there's nothing to really say about that. And, here's another promo:

Okay, you got me. I have some thoughts on this. There is simply no way to listen to this promo and not think that Stone Cold Steve Austin sexually assaulted Ahmed Johnson. I mean, Ahmed gets mad at Stone Cold for entering the zone, which he later clarifies as his zone, and then he further clarifies that it is an end zone. He then FURTHER clarifies that an end zone is a place where you score and admitted that Stone Cold Steve Austin scored on him. He then warns that he is going to score on Stone Cold, and that Austin should look out, because he's coming to get him. Um, I mean, what do you say to that?

I've got nothing to say about Ahmed Johnson.

Savio Vega Is Mr. In Your House

Shawn Michaels earned the moniker of Mr. WrestleMania as he put on a ton of legendary performances on the biggest stage of all. Now, I find it more than slightly debatable than The Hearbreak Kid is the true Mr. WrestleMania. Since I am a lifelong Hulkamaniac, I obviously put Hogan very high on the list, and Undertaker could definitely make a claim. Still, it got me thinking about who would be the guy known as the embodiment of other pay per views. After thinking about the impact that people had and what those PPVs meant, there was really only one clear choice to take that honor. And that is why Savio Vega is Mr. In Your House.

Think about it: In Your House is probably one of the worst PPVs that the WWE has ever had, and that sounds like I am demeaning Savio Vega. In a way, I am, but any PPV is better than no PPV, and although I was never a huge Savio Vega guy, it is better to have Savio Vega instead of nobody at all.

And don't get it twisted, this man made an impact at many of the In Your Houses. He debuted on it to help out Razor Ramon, and proceeded to personify a dark period in WWE history. Savio was a good guy, because the WWE decided you should cheer for him. He was an honorable dude, but he never really did anything. He was basically Rocky Maivia without the looks and charisma. He was the transitional WWE Superstar, to get people doing more important things, much like In Your House was a transitional PPV to get to something that was actually important.

He hung out with Santa Claus for In Your House 5, and Million Dollar Man tried to buy Savio, but Savio wouldn't let him, because of his belief in Santa Claus. Then Santa Claus attacked Savio, as he had been bought by Million Dollar Man. It turns out that it was actually Xanta Klaus, who is from the South Pole and steals presents. Xanta Claus lasted one other night, which is about the most In Your House thing possible.

If you think that was the end of his run against Million Dollar Man, you would be sorely mistaken. First, he lost to Stone Cold Steve Austin, but he vowed revenge in a Caribbean Strap Match. Ted DiBiase was so confident that he said he would retire if Savio won. Well, Mr. In Your House took it to Stone Cold and won the match to boot DiBiase over to WCW. Vega managed to do this a month before Stone Cold won the King of the Ring and began his ascension to superstardom. Stone Cold may have been great, but he was not Mr. In Your House.

Oh, and in one of the most In Your House things ever, he literally had the same feud with Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw that he did with Stone Cold in that Bradshaw won their first match, and then Vega beat him in a Caribbean Strap Match. Yes, Savio Vega could definitely be called, Mr. Caribbean Strap Match.

Instead, he became Mr. In Your House. A forgettable superstar matching a forgettable string of Pay Per Views. But In Your House was a Pay Per View, and Savio Vega was a WWE Superstar. Savio Vega embodies the importance of just making it there. His career may be forgettable for a WWE Superstar, but it is still more memorable than 99.9% of the general population. Mr. In Your House may not be Mr. WrestleMania, but it's still one hell of an impressive accomplishment.

Blood Runs Cold: The Glacier Story

There are some topics so large that there is no way a single writer could do it justice. These stories not only change our world in the present, but they change everything about our future. This is the story of Glacier, a man so influential that I had to bring in what I believe to be is Glacier's #1 Fan, Lukewarm Jonah to help me pay homage to the martial artist pro wrestling legend.

I will be taking a look at what happened before Glacier ever stepped foot in the ring, because that is almost the only thing I remember about him. Jonah is clearly a much more knowledgeable fan than I am, and that will be apparent when he takes over. But man, those vignettes were something else. The first vignette establishes that "Blood Runs Cold." The second vignette goes further by stating:

"Our world is about to change.
Enter the realm.
Blood runs cold.
In each of us burns the fury of a Warrior."

Oh hell yeah, I got that Warrior fury in me and am ready to enter the realm. The last two vignettes then showed us this.

There is only one thing that came to mind when watching a man do karate moves in a set that was clearly designed for him to do karate moves around. That one thing is that Glacier was making Mac's Project Badass videos from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with a budget for set design. Looking at Glacier as Mac's dream really makes him a ton more interesting and likable.

Unfortunately, they let Glacier talk, and that is something they never should have done. The entire Glacier character is built on mystique, and that is lost when you realize who is just a southern boy who learned some roundhouse kicks. This was a period where Stone Cold Steve Austin was becoming a giant star by doing whatever he pleased. This was also a period where Glacier said, "I want to win at any costs, as long as it is within the rules." That is only slightly lamer than his catchphrase of, "Be cool."

But I don't really remember anything about him actually wrestling except he didn't actually wrestle but threw a lot of kicks. Did he win? Did he lose? Did the refs call the match to prevent the fans from freezing to death? I honestly don't know. Luckily, I have Lukewarm Jonah to take over from here.

In 1996 the wrestling world was about to be set on fire. The Ringmaster turned into “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. At Bash at the Beach Hulk Hogan would turn into “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan and join the New World Order and form the greatest stable of all time. Finally, Glacier would make his debut on WCW Saturday Night, the Mothership. 12 year old me was super pumped for his debut. A martial artist in wrestling? He’d be unstoppable. The vignettes that had been playing played up his martial arts background and introduced us all to the phrase, “Blood Runs Cold”. Then there was his entrance. Rumored to have cost in the six figures it included lasers, fake falling snow, and Glacier showcasing his martial arts mastery all while bearing a close resemblance to Mortal Kombat character Sub Zero. His debut match against the Gambler was dominant and I couldn’t wait to see more of the guy. Glacier disposed of Big Bubba Rogers aka The Big Boss Man handily and seemed on a path to superstardom.

Glacier then entered into his best known feud. He fought against Mortis aka Chris Kanyon in green skull gear managed by the fantastic James Vanderberg aka James Mitchell, The Sinister Minister. Glacier and Mortis battled in epic matches that you couldn’t help but see as battles between good and evil. After Glacier had beat up Mortis it was clear Mortis needed some help. Wrath aka Brian Adams debuted as a costumed huge guy who beat up Glacier. Glacier kept winning and kept getting jumped by the other guy after the match. Glacier needed help so he brought in Ernest “The Cat” Miller. They feuded with and continued to beat Wrath and Mortis. Glacier’s first loss came in a tag match against Wrath and Mortis, but he was still around 100-1 against them so the future seemed bright.

Now I had forgotten that Glacier lost to those guys in a tag match, but I still vividly remember his first singles loss. He fought Buff Bagwell of the nWo on Monday Nitro and I was sure he was going to win and start battling against them. It was a dirty victory but Buff won. After that Glacier fell off the face of the Earth. He lost basically every match he competed in, including being three of Goldberg’s victims in his undefeated streak. Glacier eventually sold his ring gear to Kaz Hayashi and eventually became Coach Buzz Stern for a short time before leaving.

So the question becomes: What went wrong? I touched on it in the opening, but 1996 was simply a bad time to have these larger than life characters fighting. Eric Bischoff stated that he wanted Glacier to be a video game come to life. He was and so were Wrath and Mortis but it was the wrong time. Austin 3:16 had happened and the nWo was out being super cool, these masked characters just didn’t fit in. The good news is that TNA stole the idea of a video game come to life with Suicide, because TNA is awesome at stealing from WCW, but not stealing anything that people actually liked. Anyways, out there on my N64 WCW/nWo Revenge game Glacier is World Champion, winning matches by knocking fools out with the Cryonic Kick. Kick on Glacier, kick on.

The 11 Best Things About WrestleMania 30

As I stated last week, I was not super excited for this WrestleMania. My favorite wrestler was on the preshow, my favorite group was facing three old guys, and I like but don't love Daniel Bryan. To say that this Mania exceeded my expectations would be a huge understatement. It was a great show from beginning to end. At worst, I liked things, and it only went up from there. Here are my eleven favorite things about WrestleMania 30.

11. Slam City Has a Price
It is clear that the old guys do not give one shit anymore. Play with toys? Sounds awesome. Hacksaw beats Sarge, but Sarge was totally correct in that it was a fast count from Danny Davis. Ricky Steamboat goes into full embarrassing Dad mode trying to be cool, and then The Million Dollar Man buys things, because that's what he does. This was totally stupid, and I was totally fine with it.

10. Piper and Mr. T Make Up
Roddy Piper seems to legitimately hate Mr. T for missing his punch at WrestleMania 2, as he finds ways to talk shit about him any chance he gets. The fact that they shook hands and finally buried the hatchet made me happy, and typing that sentence makes me realize that I am a 29-year-old child. Also, thank you to the contributions of Paul Orndorff's mustache.

9. Divas Title Match
Putting this as the lowest match may seem like I didn't care for the match, but for a Divas match that was designed to be a total clusterfuck, it was actually pretty good. They had some good high spots, nobody really messed anything up, and Natalya didn't win, so all is well in the world. Nice job, ladies.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
There were some good spots in this match, but the ending kind of ruined it for me. It was good, but that ending where everything works out for Cena is a little too convenient for my tastes.

7. Tag Title Match
This match was good, but that goes without saying with Cesaro in the match. It was fairly predictable; they had some fun spots, and The Usos won which made sense. Afterwards, Cesaro swung Swagger and broke up the tag team which was fairly predictable but still satisfying. I was totally fine with Cesaro going out like that, but we'll come back to him.

6. Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
Most people were way higher on this match than I was, and I could totally justify putting it a few spots higher, but I thought they were just a little off early on in the match where nobody was quite hitting things correctly. The second half of the match was really good, but already knowing the outcome made the match less exciting, because there was no way Triple H was going to beat Daniel Bryan.

5. Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Speaking of predictable endings...wait, what? If wrestling shocks you twice a year, it's a good year. They definitely got one out of the way, as a million people's jaws dropped when Lesnar got the three count. I really like Lesnar matches as he's so strong that it's easy to believe his offense and he still does a good job of looking vulnerable. I couldn't believe he won the match, because I, like everyone else in the world, thought they would end Taker's streak to put over some guy that could be the future of the company. Looking back, that never really made sense. The only people that get matches with Taker are already one of the biggest stars in the company. If Daniel Bryan beats Taker, does that really elevate Daniel Bryan? No, it doesn't even help him as much as winning the title, so I think the passing of the torch angle got overblown, and the WWE legitimately shocked the world. Good for them, and great on the WWE camera guys for finding a bunch of people with hilarious shocked faces.

4. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista
The match itself was not fantastic, but the crowd reaction to Daniel Bryan winning the title made it a special moment. Also, I still feel bad for Randy Orton's back, because I am still cringing while thinking about him landing on that television. But the powerbomb into an RKO was an awesome spot, but seriously, clear out what is under the table guys.

3. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Cesaro. Guys, CESARO. CESARO! I got really excited when I saw him in the Battle Royal, but I always have to remind myself that although I believe in Cesaro to do anything in the wrestling ring, it is not always logical. So I tried to temper my expectations while knowing he would at least be one of the last five guys left. When it got down to four guys, I still was sticking with my pick of Sheamus, but then when him and Del Rio went over, my hope got way too high. My hopes rose and fall as things went back and forth, but then Cesaro picked him up, and the entire crowd shot to their feet in the background as he put him over the top rope. Everybody freaked out. Everybody is now part of a worldwide Cesaro Section, and moments like that are why I watch pro wrestling as an adult, because I cheer for Cesaro like I am a 12-year-old.

2. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock
Speaking of cheering like a prepubescent boy, this just made me happy. I enjoyed everything. Sure, Hogan is senile and calling the Superdome the Silverdome, and yes I found it hilarious to hear Stone Cold and The Rock make fun of him for that. But nostalgia like this will always work for me. If you put Flair out there, that might be wrestling's Mount Rushmore (arguments can be made for Andre or Vince), and that is special. Then they drank beers together and Hulk tried to sip his beer as he is old school and does not want to waste any beer. Meanwhile, Stone Cold drinks a six pack and has about nine ounces of beer. The Rock has even less, because he can't be putting those carbs in his body. There wasn't a match on the main card for the first half hour, and I didn't care one bit, because the Little Boy Joe loves these moments.

1. The Shield vs. The Old Guys
Best match on the card, BY FAR. I couldn't have imagined a better match. It was perfect. Will this be a Match of the Year? No, but that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. From interrupting the New Age Outlaws during their stupid spiel, to coming out in scary masks, to wearing their slutty SWAT outfits, to not letting the old guys have any offense, to taking turns annihilating guys, to the triple-double powerbomb, to Reigns and Ambrose celebrating on the ropes before the ref had the chance to make the three count. Perfect.

WrestleMania turns me into a child, and I LOVE IT.