Shinesty Has The Pajamas of Your Dreams

Shinesty is at it again. Known for some sweet NFL Suit Jackets, they are expanding their repertoire just in time for the holiday season. They have an abundance of holiday sweaters and pajamas that can keep you both stylish and comfortable during these cool winter months. I would say cold, but living in Florida, cool is about as extreme as it gets down south.

I decided to go the pajamas route, and Shinesty graciously sent me the 8-bit Christmas onesie. There is so much going on with these that I feel like I need to rank my five favorite characters. 

5. Fire Breathing Dragon

Usually fire breathing dragons are pretty scary, but this guy seems like he’s up for a good time. He would definitely help you get your fireplace going if you needed it. Also, he’s even wearing a Christmas hat. Tis the season.

4. Abominable Snowman Celebrating With Christmas Tree

Let’s face it, the Abominable Snowman is definitely somebody who gets way too excited for presents and refuses to let anyone sleep in on Christmas morning. Some would say that he doesn’t understand that it is better to give than receive, but he’s just so happy when he gets to receive that I’m going to give him a pass.

3. Reindeer With Snow Diarrhea

Reindeer with Snow Diarrhea is definitely hoping that you’re not seeing that he has snow coming from his butt. If he asks, say you didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

2. Gorilla Humping Presents

Abominable Snowman may love presents, but this Gorilla LOVES presents.

1. Hulk Hogan

I know, he’s wearing red trunks instead of the yellow that we grew accustomed to, but the big muscles, the handlebar mustache, the thinning blonde hair, that is definitely the holiday version of Hulk Ho-Ho-Hogan, and since Hulkamania was running wild through my childhood, I have to give him the top spot. 

So I have talked about the style, but I need to talk about the comfort. I’m not a big pajamas guy, but I am definitely going to be utilizing these bad boys. Down in Florida, my window is probably only a couple months, but I’m originally a Midwestern Boy, and considering how awful the weather is up there, you could use these things for six months at least to stay cozy and content during hibernation season. I also really like how there’s no footies on the end of these things. I don’t care how cold it is, I need my feet to breathe, and these jammies allow me to do that.

I also love that they have pockets built in so you can use them on the go as opposed to only being able to use them for sleep. I could go to the store in these if I needed to. If you're single, it might help you pick up chicks since they would make the subliminal connection of sleep, and then want to sleep with you. That's psychology 101.

But my favorite part of these is that they don’t just zip up, they zip all the way up.

For some reason, it took me zipping the hood all the way up before my wife noted how good the pajamas look, but a compliment is a compliment, so I'll take it. Trust me, it's much easier to seduce a lady when they don't realize how ugly you are.

Adam Bomb Should Have Been More

How was Adam Bomb not a bigger deal? He was a big dude who could believably crush people, and yet he never really got any sort of push into a title picture. Instead, he just kind of existed.

The dude was huge, jacked, and he had cool sunglasses. I mean, is that name stupid? Objectively, yes, it is an awful name and it is impossible to deny the stupidity. So, yes, it was stupid...stupid awesome. Think about it as if you were a child. His last name was Bomb. This guy should have had sold a shit-ton of merchandise.

Could he talk? Not really, but most big guys aren't that great of talkers and managers were still a normal thing to pair with a big guy who wasn't quite polished yet. He started off with Johnny Polo, but Polo dumped him on Harvey Wippleman to focus on the Quebecers. Harvey Wippleman dumped him so he could manage Kwang, who was best known as being a secret character in the video game WWF Raw for the 32X (I got a 32X like three years after it came out for ten bucks and that game for another 5. I would say I got my $15 out of the investment, but nothing more).

After that, he kind of became a good guy, but people stopped caring, and it didn't help that he would do a pose and the WWE would shoot up green smoke behind him, which made his Adam Bomb look like he just farted. Considering he would be released a few months later, it was kind of a fitting image.

That's where Adam Bomb effectively died. He became Wrath in WCW, but then went by his real name of Bryan Clark to tag with Brian Adams as KroniK. They won the tag titles a couple times, but it was during the Vince Russo era, so it doesn't really count as success at that point. He had a brief cup of coffee in the WWE, but injuries quickly ended that run, and after bouncing around in independents and Japan, he retired in 2003.

It's pretty clear that Adam Bomb wasn't destined to carry a company, but it seems like he could have done more. In an era when guys like Marty Jannetty, Ahmed Johnson, and Marc Mero became Intercontinental Champions, it sure seems like Adam Bomb could have been more. Adam Bomb should have been more. 

The One Time I Held A Gun

I am not a violent person. I'm basically a giant pussy when it comes down to it. I've never been in a fight, and outside of one time, I have never had my hands on a gun, outside of the two I'm carrying around at all times (flexes, audience holds back laughter [imaginary audience, because nobody actually watches me blog]). But there was that one time that I was given a real gun and told to open fire. Here is my story.

So the beginning is going to make me sound way cooler than I actually was. I was friends with these twins in high school and their parents went out of town. If my memory serves correct, they threw a party the night before and ended up having a Culligan jug of coins stolen. So they were a little freaked out about that. They had some of their girl friends along with me and some of my buddies stay over at the house. Yeah, so girls wanted me to "stay over" at the house for "protection." Hot shit, right?

I took full advantage of the situation. While everyone hung out upstairs and socialized, I went down to the basement, turned on the Sega Genesis and played FIFA 94 for hours on end to play out a World Cup Tournament where I was at least one team in every game. So, like I said, the beginning of the story made me sound way cooler than I was.

It got to night time and a couple of the girls were hanging out in the room next to the video game room, so there was occasional conversation between us. They probably wanted me to do boy/girl stuff, but I wasn't falling for that. Besides, I was busy. I had played all day and finally gotten down to the championship between Argentina and Germany. Things were going pretty dang well.

All of a sudden, I heard a popping noise coming from upstairs. I wouldn't have thought anything of it had it not been followed by screaming by all the girls and then some yelling from my buddies. Ugh, I just started the World Cup Final, and now I have to put it on pause. The two girls in the room next to me are screaming for me to do something since they think it might be somebody shooting at the house. So I make my way upstairs to get this figured out so I can get back to important business.

The girls upstairs are frantic, and my buddies took fireplace pokers and went after the people who were outside the house. Then, one of the twins runs down with .44 Magnum (not sure if this was the actual gun, but from a quick Google search, it was something similar. Call me Mr. Gun Nut) and hands it to me to go out there and protect the house by summoning my inner Bronson and blasting everyone in sight. She hands me the gun, and I instinctively handle it like I'm getting a batch of cookies out of the oven. It takes about three seconds of holding it before I gently place it on a table, and tell her, "I don't think we're going to need to use deadly force."

By the time I got outside to...help? I guess. My friends were already heading back as they found out it was just some other guys we went to high school with who set off firecrackers by the front door. Everybody was okay.

This would seem to be a happy ending, right? You couldn't be more wrong. The girls down in the basement jumped into the video game room for safety, kicked the Genesis and froze the game. Everything that I had worked so hard for had been taken away from me. This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to turn my attention to the ladies as they were no doubt turned on by the fact that my friends jumped into danger, and I kept my calm instead of murdering innocent people. Did I take advantage? No, I pouted, because the idiots couldn't successfully jump behind a bed without throwing their foot out like a goddamned rag doll.

This may surprise you, but I didn't do real well with the ladies early on in life.

And that's the story of the one time I held a gun.

Quick Thoughts

Obviously, I love how much everybody has been bringing up Bash at the Beach in regards to LeBron James, but this video takes it to a whole new level:

I caught the end of the ESPYS last night, and it's amazing how big a made up award can become. The beauty of it is that all awards are made up, but something seems incredibly fake about ESPYS. I put it on the same level as Guys' Choice Award. Maybe I should just join in and create an award blogpost called the JOEYS. I'm sure there would be a highly contested battle for Best West Coast Dancer.

When I thought the Bulls were going to be the big winners of free agency, I outlined a comparison between the Bulls team and characters from Saved By The Bell. It was awesome and the parallels were amazing. Now that outline pretty much ends up in the trash, unless we get JJ Redick, in which case I will stretch it to make it work or come up with a new show to compare the players to.

I have been unemployed for over eight months, and my current dream job is to be a garbage man. I wonder if any 8-year olds out there think that I have their ideal life.

If you're a fan of great comedy, this is the greatest thing that Borat has ever done. It's been a while since I watched it, but it's still as good as ever. Just please don't start quoting him again.

For those fans of Jose Canseco who don't follow him on Twitter, nothing too interesting has been happening. The biggest thing is that he lost to a 60-year old man in a boxing match, so now he will daily challenge all of his followers to fight him on "his show." I think somebody told him once that he should make a TV show, and now he thinks he has a development deal in place.

The last episode of Entourage was maybe the most painful episode to watch in the history of the show, and that's saying quite a bit considering how far that show has fallen. Not only was it incredibly boring, but everything remotely related to the NFL storyline was so brutal to watch that it made the conditions at Guantanamo Bay look like Disneyland.

-Joe

P.S. I am deeply contemplating making my first video game purchase in three years. Is NCAA Football worth the $40? Also, is the gameplay similar to Madden? And yes, I said $40, because my newest game system is still the PS2.