Suits Power Rankings - Endgame

Last week, Harold came back and Harvey beat up Stephen. Now that they finally figured out the rights to Mikado, it is time to focus on smaller cases, like murder charges. There was one big case, as Louis went toe-to-toe with Harold, but we'll get to that later. Check out last week's rankings here, now onto this week of murder, betrayal, and rope climbing:

1. Jessica Pearson - Uses the Hessington Oil case to get out of their merger with Darby, if they can win the trial. Jessica brings over a bottle of booze to rebuild her and Harvey's relationship. And she uses her knowledge of their relationship to expose Cameron and Darby to do what she wants. She is getting her firm back, and she's clearly a pretty boss lawyer, as Darby had no choice but to stop practicing law in the United States with his plea deal. Jessica is back in charge and not taking shit from anybody. She won her firm, won the case, and probably just filled up that fancy bottle of booze with well whiskey that she obtained from Buckshots in Austin, Texas.

2. Cameron Dennis - Cameron does go after bad guys, but he needs proof from Harvey before he is going to do him any favors. It's always nice when a lawyer actually uses logic. He ends up putting bad guys away and winning. He still couldn't turn that into a partnership with Pearson Specter, but hey, a guy's gotta try. Cameron's love to win was definitely going to carry over to his celebration that night, and the lucky thing for the ladies is that in Cameron's Mustache Rides, everyone's a winner.

3. Harold Gunderson - Oh shit, he's back again. Louis tries to yell at him, but Harold grew a backbone, used some valid lawyer reasoning and straight up owned Louis. He then sues one of Louis's companies, just to rub Louis's face in it. Louis then thought he put Harold in his place, but Harold pulled one over on him. It was just nonstop ownage. Louis was trying to end Harold's career, but Rachel reasoned with Louis, so Harold got everything he wanted. I will be shocked if he is not given another chance at Pearson Specter. The only real question is whether they will change the name to Pearson Specter Gunderson. Harold gonna Harold, ya'll.

4. Donna Paulsen - She got her heart broken, but she gets to be the arresting officer for Stephen Huntley, so that's pretty cool.

5. Harvey Specter - Harvey found out that Stephen is a murderer, but he has no proof, so that is kind of an issue, except every person at Pearson Darby sees how clear the evidence is, but their proof is not law proof, so they must find proper law proof, you know, for the law. He calls Stephen to the witness stand. He starts getting somewhere, but the judge said he was on a short leash, and instead of pulling a Peter Bash and being arrested for contempt, he backs off like a real life lawyer. So everything completely blows up in his face. Still, him and Jessica come up with a plan to get Darby to bury Huntley, and they are barely able to hide their glee as Darby falls for it.

6. Mike Ross - Mike goes undercover to hang out with Mariga. He tries to use scare tactics on Mariga, but nobody like Mariga will ever be scared of a Mike Ross. After dealing with Mariga, being confronted by Harold barely altered his stride as he went on to the murder trial. Mike gets Clifford to help him, because Mike broke the law to get him out. If there is one thing this show has taught me, it is break the law all the time. Because if you do, somebody will owe you, and you can get a huge favor from them down the line. I can't wait to guilt trip my friends into killing someone for me, because I once ran a red light to get them food from McDonalds when they were really drunk. After winning the murder trial, Mike decides to sex Rachel after Harvey turns him down (this really happened).

7. Harold's Mother - Always so happy as she watches him work.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel reasons with Louis early on, but that's a losing battle. Finally, she puts him in his place for being a bully to Harold. Why did she stick up for Harold? Let's just say that Mike isn't the only guy that she mixed business and pleasure with, except Harold dumped her when she tried stalking him. It got really bad. Finally, he changed his last name from Jakowski to Gunderson to avoid the harassment. Mystery solved.

9. Ava Hessington - Ava might be put in prison for murder, and she's not real happy about it, especially since she used to be Darby's pretend girlfriend, so Darby could use his power bottom to get some of that Papa Hessington Man Oil. Justice prevails in the end, but she still wasn't real happy. Lighten up, lady.

10. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is back to abusing associates again, but that is only because he misses his true love, Mikado. Louis breaks into Harold's office and gives him the truth on why Harold got fired. This, of course, backfires, as Harold sues one of his companies. Finally, after Harold owns him a few times, Louis stops making it about business and starts making it personal to ruin Harold's career. Then we find out that he only did this, because he couldn't climb the rope in gym class, and Harold was actually an Olympic rope climber, but he would never show Louis the secret.

11. Edward Darby - Darby is a coward, because he didn't want to know how Stephen got things done for Hessington Oil. Then he lost the Pearson side of the merger, because he had to keep Ava out of jail for pretending to be his girlfriend during his gay sexcapades.

12. Stephen Huntley - Darby fires Stephen, because, yeah, murder is not good. But even worse, Harvey's fists apparently caused Stephen to get pink eye, so good luck picking up chicks with that. Still, Stephen does give a pretty good line to Jessica and Harvey when he says, "I don't give threats; I give warnings...you've been warned." He then declined to answer a bunch of questions and made Harvey look like a bitch. Still, he decided to hang around the United States where he has no family, no friends, and no job. This gave the local police enough time to arrest him for murder. Whoopsies.

13. Colonel Mariga - Mariga is a wise man who is not intimidated by Mike. He then lies on the stand, because Mariga got paid, made, and as long as he doesn't get caught, laid. They never address that the new deal probably means that he is going to be sent back to his home country and murdered. For all of the talk about how they didn't want to see someone get killed, they seem totally fine with this guy probably going through some hellacious torture before he is killed. I don't think he'll be making another appearance on these rankings. 

Suits Power Rankings - She's Mine

Obviously, this was the biggest episode of the season in my mind, because we had a very special guest appearance. But as special as that man is to me, it still was not enough to get him up to number one, because shit went down this week and there was some incredibly strong lawyering. We found out about the murder, there was a fight, and Rachel got to do some lawyering. So, yeah, people had strong weeks. You can check out last week's here, and now onto this very special edition of the Suits Power Rankings:

1. Harvey Specter - Harvey threatens beating up Huntley, because nobody messes with Harvey's case. But Harvey decides to skip out on being managing partner, because he's over it. Harvey can't reason with Jessica, because she's still pretty butthurt at Harvey over his betrayal and effort to take her job. I wish these two could just sit down and Harvey could end all this with a simple, "Playa's gotta play, ya know?" Harvey may not become managing partner, but he may get out of the merger. He then finds out about Huntley's evil doings, and he goes and kicks his ass, just like he threatened to do. The thing I enjoyed the most about their fight scene is their willingness to work the body. I mean, yes, you could hit a liver shot and put someone out, and since they are inexperienced, maybe knock the wind out of your opponent, but body shots are really there to wear down someone. I really enjoy that in Harvey's rage, his fighting strategy was still designed for 12 rounds. Also, his hair still looked marvelous.

2. Rachel Zane - Rachel is helping Louis steal Mikado and she is finally going to get to be a lawyer. Yes, it is only in a mock trial, but it's still real to her, damnit. She kicks ass in the case and shows that she has what it takes to be a great lawyer. Luckily, Columbia agrees, as she is going to law school. Looks like somebody read my review last week and learned that there were law schools on the east coast as well as the west coast. Yes, she may not be working on murder trials, but some would argue that cat possession cases are to mock trials what murder is to real trials. Also, Mikado even likes her, and he usually hates strangers. Maybe Rachel should be Mikado's owner.

3. Mike Ross - He thinks that Harvey may have trouble fighting Huntley, because Huntley plays rugby. Little does he know that if Huntley messes Harvey's hair, Harvey basically turns into The Incredible Hulk. Mike reasons with Jessica that she is going after Nick, because she's mad at Harvey. Mike uses his photographic memory to learn all of Cameron's secrets, and they find out that Nick Howell is not as dumb and innocent as he looks. This actually isn't his biggest discovery, because it turns out Nick was just shady, not guilty. He found out that Huntley and Mariga used to play rugby together and that Huntley ordered the murders. Also, I would have really liked to see this scene as Mike visits Rachel's apartment:

Mike: You are not going to believe the day I had.
Rachel: Oh, me too. You go first.
Mike: Due to some nifty investigation, I found out that Huntley is the guy who ordered the murders.
Rachel: Oh, wow, that's crazy. Almost as crazy as what happened to me. They called in Harold on the cat case to try to destroy Louis's credibility, but I turned it around and ended up getting Louis control of the associates again. Lawyering, AMIRITE?
Mike: Are you comparing your mock trial cat custody case to my real-life murder trial?
Rachel: You just can't stand me being a successful lawyer in a big time case. Why can't you just be happy for me?
Mike: (stunned silence)

So, nice lawyering, Mike. Not as nice as your girlfriend's, but still nice.

4. Harold Gunderson - HOLY SHIT! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. OH MY GOD. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. That was literally all I could do while fanning myself down when Harold showed up. It's always good to see an old friend. I was also really hoping we would find out how he got a new name, but that was unfortunately not the case. But Harold comes back to testify that Louis is an awful parent in the Mikado case. Harold has scars on his psyche. He is also the Michael Vick of catsitting. Louis's incompetence was brought up in court to discredit him. He failed to deliver a motion to court, because of inclement weather. He gave the strategy of their case to opposing counsel, because he thought it was part of disclosure. He left a zero off the Hopkins settlement, but Louis covered for him and saved them $900,000. Even though he hates Louis and he wasn't under oath, he still told the truth about Louis's love for cats, because Harold is a man of honor. Also, despite everything, Harold still has a kickass job at another law firm. Everything's coming up Harold, baby!

5. Cameron Dennis - Finally has a case, as the Colonel is the perfect witness to prove Ava Hessington is guilty. This is the most shocking turn of events ever. Not the Colonel part, but just that Cameron has a case. This is like a guy going after a girl way out of his league, her telling him he has no chance, but not giving up. He tries, again and again, and even drunk, she's like, "sorry, not happening." But he just keeps trying, and maybe some PUA dropped a roofie in her drink, but Cameron at least has a chance to finally close the deal. Still, it's not over yet.

6. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is doing everything he can to keep Mikado, because it's his best friend. Louis doesn't have time to learn Chinese, because he's too busy preparing for a cat mock trial. Louis is going to have Rachel help him in order to keep his love, and yes, we are still talking about Mikado. But Louis does have one other love, and that is fostering the growth of the associates. It may be tough love, but he agrees to a settlement that gives Mikado to Nigel while he takes back over in leading the associates.

7. Colonel Mariga - Is just loving life. He's killed; he's cool with it, and sometimes he took money for it. Also, he's had phone conversations with Ava, which gives him a hearty laugh. "It's good to be Colonel Mariga" is what he thinks as he lays his head on the pillow and drifts into slumber at a five star hotel.

8. Jessica Pearson - Jessica got over her hissy fit and is taking over the firm again, but she is taking her anger at Harvey against Ava. She uses that anger to go after the assistant, Nick, because he's a tool. She was more wrong than right, but it got them closer to the final answer. Also, she now wants out of the merger, which, um, seems like a difficult thing to reverse. I am pretty sure Darby was smart enough to make the all important note in the document of "No take backs," but I guess we'll see.

9. Edward Darby - Darby is as cool as a cucumber, as everything works out for him. This is a man who power-bottomed his way to the top, so he's not afraid of a little pressure. (Sidenote: I believe the previous sentence may be the best thing I have ever written in my entire life).

10. Nigel Alexander Nesbitt - Put a tracking device on Mikado, because he sees Mikado as a possession. Nigel gets pressured into a mock trial and has to defend himself, because the associates aren't good enough to win his case. He found Harold to testify against Louis, but even that backfired against him. Finally, he had to make a settlement, give up the associates to get back his precious Mikado. It was a win-win for both sides.

11. Mikado - Needs her special milk and needs special love. She truly is a wondrous feline, one that will be spending her life with Nigel.

12. Donna Paulsen - Donna thought that Stephen was perfect, but Harvey let her know that he shits the bed, and sadly, that is not his worst quality. Donna caught Stephen lying to her, which hurt her both professionally and personally. That is also not his worst quality. Stephen made her cry, so Harvey goes and beats him up to defend her honor. I feel like Donna is the type of person who can take a step back and admire that she has two men fighting over her honor.

13. Ava Hessington - Ava had a phone call, but she didn't think that was important. If she was a dude, nobody would be surprised that she forgot about a phone call; they would have just been happy that she was fully dressed, but since she's a lady, she's expected to remember everything like a gossiping teenager.

14. Nick Howell - Ava's assistant who had some shady things going on, but none of them were murder. Despite stabbing Ava in the back, he still seems shocked that they may try to convince a jury that he called for the murders. He is completely unlovable, basically the anti-Harold.

15. Stephen Huntley - Not only does Huntley play the piano, he also plays rugby. Unfortunately when he's not doing those activities, he's messing up Ava Hessington's case like a poor man's Harold. But he wasn't doing it because of incompetence, he was doing it because he ordered the murders. Since he hurt Donna, Harvey confronts him in the bathroom, because at Pearson Darby Specter, if people aren't in their office, they are usually washing their hands after a good shit. Seriously, people are always found in the men's bathroom at the sink. What would Harvey have done if he was at a urinal or on the can? Would he wait? Would he punch a guy with his dick in his hand. Would he kick down a stall door? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Anyway, Stephen gives Harvey a good fight, but is left laying on the bathroom floor when it's all said and done. On top of this, he lost his arrangement with Donna, so he'll be stuck calling a New York City Hooker. Not the prostitute kind, the rugby kind, because he likes to get on the pitch when he's not getting laid.

Suits Power Rankings - Conflict of Interest

Hoo, doggy, this was one crazy episode of Suits. Shit got real in so many ways. There was betrayal, double crossing, and sex. With all this going on, it was the toughest week to come up with a number one on these rankings. Anyway, I can't wait any longer to get into things, so for last week, click here, but now onto this week's rankings:

1. Donna Paulsen - Donna bought a new dress to impress Huntley. She unjammed a copier by bumping her ass against it. She's basically The Fonz. Donna skips Daniel Day-Lewis in a kilt to get her freak on with Huntley. She also gets to use double entendre and hidden meanings with Huntley, which, for her, is like receiving cunnilingus. So good for you, Donna. Sure, you got yelled at by Harvey, but that will only push you to do what's best for you instead of worrying about his interests. A Donna out for herself is number one Donna in my book.

2. Harvey Specter - Harvey runs. Ladies have a double take when Harvey runs by. He takes Louis down a peg by doing whatever he wants when it comes to Hessington Oil. Then he goes Big Dog by taking Jessica down a peg by letting her know that Darb-Diggity has his back in this case. He of course makes every correct decision along the way, but Jessica and Louis go behind his back and mess everything up. The merger case isn't really his, but Harvey surprisingly did not get what he wanted, which is very rare.

3. The Assistant - Straight up owns Louis by letting him know that they were way ahead of him on his plan, because apparently Wharton is better than Harvard. After owning Louis, you know this guy was about to treat himself to some hookers with rockin' chest beefers that would make even Karl Welzein jealous. That's a power move.

4. Stephen Huntley - Huntley does a classic move by hitting on Rachel to make Donna want him more. This man has clearly read The Game and prescribes to the Mystery Method. He then signs up Donna to be his sex assistant. She propositions him for sex, and he proves that he is nowhere near the level of Harvey. He called a taxi. A taxi? Harvey would have had his driver already waiting, because he would have known he was about to be propositioned for sex. Also, he wasted a lot of money on those tickets by not going to the show. I wouldn't waste a $6 matinee movie ticket for sex. Tell the lady to cool her jets for a while, and you can get down to business later. Sex can wait, my third viewing of Fast Six cannot.

5. Mike Ross - Mike uses his crappy British accent to trick a reporter into missing his exclusive interview with Ava. Something I have noticed is Mike Ross is the worst lawyer ever if he is by himself. Literally, every great idea that he has ever had while lawyering has been due to the fact that he was talking to someone else. They talk about something completely random and the idea pops in his head. This man should not be working alone, as he is really just wasting everyone's time as he memorizes documents. He also tells Rachel that he loves her, but that's just what losers do to make themselves feel better.

6. Edward Darby - Hangin' in Toronto, and putting Jessica in her place. She said she was concerned about money with Hessington Oil, but he points out that she wasted company money by flying to Toronto when she could have just called. That's a good burn, Darby. Still, Jessica left him with his dick in his hand after she screws over Ava Hessington for the good of the firm.

7. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis power walks. Ladies ignore Louis. He tries to do things behind Harvey's back, but Harvey has set up Harvey only lanes throughout New York City, so he can stop anything. He then tries to get Jessica to go behind Harvey's back, but she refuses. Louis "Litt Up" Harvey by taking full control of the takeover case. Louis got the board to agree to boot Ava, but then he has a change of heart when he finds out that Ava is innocent. Still, Jessica tells him not to stop what he has already done, so he lets it happen like a total pud.

8. Jessica Pearson - Jessica tries to assert her control over Harvey but instead gets completely owned by him when she realizes that Darby is the man who is in charge of the law firm. On top of that, Louis calls her out for no longer being in charge. Wait, wait, wait, on top of THAT, Darby then puts her in her place about her not being in charge. She then decides that it is time for her to stop playing by the rules, and she lets Louis do what he must to keep Hessington Oil as a client. Jessica no longer cares about innocence, she just wants to do everything she can to keep the billables for Hessington Oil. She triumphantly walks away from Darby when he confronts her on things, but she got shit on throughout this entire episode until the end, so it is tough to put her too high in the rankings.

9. Katrina Bennett - If she was less attractive, Louis would be in love with her. Unfortunately, she's traditionally pretty. She gave Mike credit for their idea to make a truce with him, and it seems like those two are finally getting along. She still got put in her position by making a deal with Harvey and making a funny video of Mike, and it's going to take me a while to forgive her for the latter.

10. Rachel Zane - She just gossips throughout this episode and offers nothing else. At least she's pretty.

11. Ava Hessington - She wants to talk, but Harvey convinces her not to by pointing out that she is going to look more guilty than a dog with icing on its face in a missing cupcake case. Ava finally convinces Harvey and Mike that she didn't commit those murders. Unfortunately, Louis got the board to betray her, and she lost control of her company. She's innocent of the murders and still lost her company, so, yeah, it's not a great week to be Ava Hessington.

Suits Power Rankings - The Arrangement

Suits is back, ya'll. And this has me very excited. Suits is a strangely addicting show, and I have become more and more in love with it. It used to trail Franklin and Bash as the best lawyer show on TV, but it has not only surpassed it, it has now blown it out of the water (ocean water, not hot tub water). So when we last left, Pearson Hardman was merging with some British lawyer mill, Harvey was pissed, and Mike admitted to Rachel that he was a fraud, but then he started making sweet, sweet love to her (Note: It is much more effective to lie about being a lawyer than telling the truth about not being a lawyer when trying to pick up women in a bar atmosphere, but props to Mike for using a little reverse psychology).

These rankings used to be just for lawyers. Then they expanded to include one non-lawyer, and because of the success of these rankings, I will show my power by expanding again by including all people in these rankings. Let's face it, Rachel is close to being a lawyer, and Donna could be one if she just one day decided to pull a Mike Ross. Power to the ladies, ya'll. Now onto this week's rankings:

1. Harvey Specter - Harvey closes Deron Williams deal in the most ridiculous way ever. HE ASKED FOR TRIPLE? There is a max salary in the NBA. That means the Nets offered somewhere around $6 million, and Williams was going to take it had Harvey not stepped in to get him max money. Sadly, I will be getting into this storyline four more times before these rankings are finished. He charmed the crap out of Scotty and got her to help him out. Harvey then puts Mike into his place by teaching him about loyalty. He even has Donna basically repeat the loyalty speech just in case his voice was a few too octaves low for Mike to understand. Harvey does a lot of backhanded things to every single person around him, but damn if everybody doesn't love the guy. Harvey takes the Ava Hessington case, but only if it gets him out of his non-compete clause. Psych. He is actually using it to take over Jessica's spot as managing partner.

2. Mike Ross - Mike Ross dreams of Rachel, but it is of her exposing him. I also have dreams of Rachel, but it is usually of both of us exposing ourselves, and I am always saddened to wake from it. Mike Ross lied, cheated, and stole his way to the top, and now he's got his own fancy office. This is indisputable proof that Eddie Guerrero would have been the best lawyer ever. He framed poor Benjamin from IT, but it did get him what he wants so he could help out Harvey and win his friendship back. Still, Mike Ross came back strong and seduced Rachel while holding onto his job, so win-win for him.

3. Edward Darby - He also has 51% of Pearson Darby, and he's going to use that to overpower Jessica at every chance he gets. I am not sure whether he does the same thing in relationships, because the man has the proper base to be a very effective power bottom. He is also making a deal with Harvey where he gets Harvey's best work on a case that he cares about and really doesn't care if Harvey is Managing Partner instead of Jessica, because Darby will still have 51%.

4. Richard Jensen - One of the best District Attorneys around. He's a buddy of Harvey's since the old days and makes a good point about bonds being strong enough to survive a simple no. But he only said that, because he's trying to break Hessington's oil company to get more money for his campaign from their number one competitor. Then he puts Cameron on the case to muck up everything while he remains squeaky clean. Classic politician move.

5. Barbara L. Tottingham - Nigel Alexander Nesbitt used a fake name to destroy Louis. First he took away his pens, then his bran bars, and finally, his beloved associates. Louis deserves all of this, but damnit, if my patriotism doesn't make me automatically dislike foreigners while siding with their American counterparts. I know this is ignorant on my part, but...America, god damnit.

6. Dana Scott - She gets charmed by Harvey, but she does get a first class flight to Trinidad/Tobago out of helping him out.

7. Generic Brooklyn Nets General Manager - OFFERED DERON WILLIAMS $6 MILLION A YEAR? Prokhorov is going to have your ass on that one. Still, he would have won that deal had Jessica been handling the negotiations.

8. Rachel Zane - Keeps a very tidy apartment. She wants Mike to quit his job so he can live an honest life. Then he gives her full honesty, and she gives up the goods. She was more just a pretty little thing than a strong, young female, so that is why she is so low on this list. Still very purty, though.

9. Mark Cuban - Illegally negotiating with Deron Williams during the season. That's tampering, and David Stern is not going to be happy about this.

10. Donna Paulsen - She tricked Louis into looking like Hitler. But really, it was not a strong episode for her. Her advice to Louis ended up being terrible, and Mike just ignored her when she gave her speech about loyalty and did what he already set out to do.

11. Utah Jazz General Manager - Apparently signed Deron Williams to a contract that could be terminated in the middle of the season. He must have been counting on some sort of Mormon Honor Code.

12. Louis Marlo Litt - You forgot his last name was Marlo, didn't you? I sure didn't, and that is why he will keep that name for as long as this show continues. He both started and ended this episode looking like a fool. He opened by resembling a certain German Dictator and ended it with bran bars and pens but no associates. Not a good time to have the middle name Marlo.

13. Benjamin - Oh, Benjamin. Clearly, he has never watched an action hero movie, as he was the bad guy who revealed his evil plan before executing it, and the good guy ended up destroying him because of it. He also lost part of his sandwich.

14. Jessica Pearson - She wanted Deron Williams to take $6 million a year and thought Harvey was crazy for wanting max money. That is some awfully poor lawyering, Jessica. I'm now 95% sure that Jessica handled the Andrei Kirilenko signing. She did give a pretty good pump up speech to Mike, although mentioning going to Harvard is probably not the best thing to say to a guy who lied about going to Harvard. She then gets punked out by Mike Ross where he points out Mutually Assured Destruction to her to make sure she doesn't mess with him. Also, she might be losing her job to Harvey. Yes, sadly, she had a worse time than Benjamin.

Not Ranked:
Harold - Even though he is the best.

Suits Power Rankings: Week 6 - War

Well, if you saw the season finale of Suits on Thursday, you know that shit went down, but for those of you that didn't watch, let me just tell you: Shit went down. There wasn't just some shady behavior; there may have only been shady behavior throughout the entire episode. And don't get me started about that ending. Hoo boy, that ending. Anyway, for last week's rankings, click here. And now onto the only rankings for lawyers who play by their own rules:

1. Mike Ross - Got called Baby Harvey, and thought of it as a compliment...for Harvey. But, his lawyering was pretty weak as he totally sold out Harvey so he wouldn't go to prison. I don't think Jessica had the vagina balls to follow through with turning him in for being a fake lawyer, but he bitched out majorly. So, how in the hell is he ranked number one? The end of the episode, but we'll touch on that later.

2. Jessica Pearson - Jessica knows how valuable Harvey is. Jessica is trying to control Harvey by getting up in his grill. I hate her so much for what she did to Mike and Harvey, but goddamn if it wasn't some fine lawyering. She completely screwed over Harvey by threatening Mike and not allowing that information to see the light of day. It was incredibly shady, but that just makes me respect it more. I hate her for what she did, but I have no choice but to respect it.

3. Edward Darby - Darby throws a sexy party to impress Pearson Hardman employees. It does not impress Harvey. Secretly, Darby is scared of how good Harvey is, but Harvey must never know that. He showed some solid lawyering to put Harvey against the wall, but Jessica was the star of the team that won the case. Still, picking a team and having them do the work is a pretty boss thing for him to do.

4. Louis Marlo Litt - Got in a fight with a British dude and threatened to shit on the Queen...or something. Then he became best friends with Nigel. But even a best friend of Louis will get screwed over by Louis, as he broke his promise to the Brit and barely felt bad about it. He truly Litt him up. Also, let's talk about mudding. I had no idea what this meant, so I decided to go for the best source to learn about such a term, Urban Dictionary, and since I don't think either of them can be butch, nor do they drive pickup trucks, it means that they either love dark ladies or entering dark places. I'm going with the latter and calling both of them scoundrels.

5. Harvey Specter - Harvey is doing everything he can to stop the merger. Harvey totally pulled a power move on Darby. "Oh and everything, that's your record against me," is definitely a line that I want to start using to shut people down. Both Jessica and Darby think that Harvey is about the best lawyer in the world; he's like the MICHAEL JORDAN of lawyering. Harvey ain't no homewrecker, so he doesn't want Scotty to be anything more than a bangpiece. He did help her get her job back, but he refuses to let himself fall in love. Also, he's not a partner, because Jessica outcheated him. He really faded down the stretch. The question is whether this is 1994-95 Michael Jordan, and he's about to be better than ever, or if it's Wizards Jordan, and he's about to go downhill and start wearing ridiculous clothes.

6. Dana Scott - She wants Harvey to be a partner in their super firm. Not because he's a great lawyer, but because she is actually in love with him. She has to sue him to get his attention, and she is willing to throw the case away to win his heart. She attempted to throw the case, but then lost her job instead, so that was a miscalculation on her part. She did get her job back with Harvey's help, but neither one of them will be partner anytime soon.

7. Nigel Alexander Nesbitt - Nigel thinks he's going to bang Donna; I do not see this turning out well for him. But he is also owning Louis at every turn. He calls a truce and follows through on it, like a total gentleman. A total gentleman that got screwed over by Louis.

Best Non-Lawyer Performance
Rachel Zane - Got bamboozled by Louis into thinking that she was Harvard material. She looks more like a USC student to me. Does USC have a law school? I don't know, and don't care, but it still seems like a proper spot for Ms. Zane. But none of that is important. Law school rollercoasters of emotion are boring. The important part is that she decided it was time to get freak nasty when she found out that Mike didn't go to Harvard. I have lied about going to Harvard to seduce ladies, but I have never tried the opposite, but I may have to give it a shot. Honestly, Donna had this spot, but then Rachel showed some butt cleavage and was banging like a champ. She showed skin for the win, and BRAAAAAA...VO on that.

Butt cleavage. It was exactly how I hoped this season would end. 

Suits Power Rankings: Week 5 - Normandy

This episode may have been called Normandy, but it should have been called Ladies Night, because the ladies were ON POINT in this episode. It seems that they one-upped every guy that they interacted with and good for them. Too often, ladies play by the rules, but I saw a different side where these Law Ladies played by their own rules, and, not gonna lie, it was a major turn on. Last week's rankings are here, now onto this week's list:

1. Jessica Pearson - Her firm has no money, which is embarrassing. I thought she was going to have a very weak performance, but she's still got swagger. She did a great job of putting people in their places. Then at the end, she threw everyone a curveball. By thinking about a merger with Darby, she was able to share her books, and he was able to find the embezzlement by HARDMAN. That is playing by your own rules and some great lawyerin'. Great job, Jessica. You have earned the number one spot.

2. Katrina Bennett - Was putting Mike in his place repeatedly. Then she pulled a power move on Rachel and made her feel like shit. Then she beat Mike to the information that they were searching for. She is basically driving Mike and Rachel to a joint suicide. She notifies Rachel that it's good that she is going to law school, because lawyers "sleep with the paralegals, but end up with the lawyers." She was a total bitch, and I loved it. I like Kat, but I can't help but wish it was played by Autumn Reeser. I mean, really, who couldn't use more Taylor Townsend in their life?

3. Dana Scott - Never got married, but still looking good. She took the Bakersfield case, so that's baller of her. Then she made fun of Harvey's age, which takes balls, vagina balls, but balls nonetheless. She showed so much balls that she forced Harvey to join up with her firm. Also, her firm has a jet, and she litigated Harvey into sleeping with her. Surprisingly, no lady has ever gotten me on a private jet and convinced me into sleeping with her. She tricked Harvey pretty well, but he left her with her cleavage hanging out. Don't worry, sweet Scotty, if you give me a ride on your jet, I'll give you a ride on my rocket. HEY-OH!

4. Mike Ross - Mike Ross would have a great college, because he would only let in hot chicks. He gets totally owned by Katrina repeatedly, as she always finds a way to be a step ahead. But he uses her own methods against her to get major credit for helping out in the Folsom Foods case. I still can't put him quite as high as the ladies.

5. Harvey Specter - Needs to get the cash money. Harvey really impressed me by using a WWII reference instead of a Michael Jordan reference. It looked like Scotty had a leg up on him, and not in a good way where that leg is up on his shoulder, HEY-OH! But then he totally gets her firm to do exactly what he wants. Harvey made a lady with no uterus cry. His bad cop was on point. He turns down Scotty, because she actually knew more than he did and was tricking him the whole time. This means no sex and no partnership, because Michael Jordan didn't need teammates...to buy the Bobcats (I'm actually pretty sure he does have partners in that, but I couldn't ignore the contributions of Scottie Pippen and friends during the glory years, and I needed to make some sort of Michael Jordan reference).

6. Edward Darby - He's one cool cat who wants to get naked with Harvey. Everyone at that damn British firm wants to have sex with Harvey. Plus he might merge with Pearson Hardman. I know PH always says they are the best firm in New York, but they have no money, and this firm in England seems like way better off. But, as the saying goes, Darby's gonna Darb.

7. Daniel Hardman - Pearson Hardman spent a bunch of time trying to start where HARDMAN would not be, and that is exactly where he was. Unfortunately, they got into his head when they took his name plate down. Then he got outhustled by Jessica's tricks. Please don't go, HARDMAN. I'll miss you.

8. Sheila Sass - Stopped Rachel from getting into Harvard. Then banged Louis, but didn't get her vagina balls off enough to let Rachel in. Tough break.

9. Louis Litt - "Litt"erally was not around for the first half of this episode, but immediately made an impact by assuring Rachel that he would get her into Harvard. Then he gets after it with Sheila.  Louis said she didn't get in, because she wanted revenge, but it was because he couldn't give her the business well enough.

Best Non-Lawyer Performance
Rachel Zane - She's looking at places to live near Harvard, but she didn't get in, so whoopsies. But she put on her sexiness to help out Mike and screw over Katrina, so props to her for that. Even if she can't get into Harvard, she can still go to law school. Maybe she'll go to Greendale Community College and be Law classmates with Jeff Winger.