Thursday, March 27, 2014

Suits Power Rankings - Moot Point

In what I believe to be an unprecedented set of events, Harvey has not been in the top spot in the first two weeks of this season. Can he regain his mojo? Or are these new lawyers to much for an old favorite. I don't have time to look at the past, it's time to focus on the present, which since this is late, is basically still the past, but still, onto this week's rankings.

1. Dana Scott - Let's just break down everything that Scotty did this episode.
1. New senior partner, and she owns Louis for being late.
2. She is breaking into people's computers to ruin Louis's life.
3. She's also so hot and making fun of "Litt Up" on Facebook. She only gets a half point for that, because that's more of a Twitter joke. Maybe she could have even SnapChatted something hilarious.
4. She uses Harvey's same speech that he gave to Louis on him because she is basically female Harvey, except better since she is wonderful, and special, and beautiful, and just perfect. Oh, man, haven't had this big of a crush on a fictional character since the Pink Power Ranger. I know I shouldn't be admitting this, but I am seriously thinking about writing Fan Fiction about Dana Scott and Andi from The Bachelor.

2. Archibald Elliott Stemple - The one man who haunts Harvey, because he destroyed him in college and then never let him get his revenge. He will lie about absolutely everything. He's a total scumbag, and that's what makes him so good at his job. He sets up Harvey and uses Muhammad Ali's rope-a-dope against him. He is basically the most despicable character ever in just one episode. He's got all of the evil of HARDMAN with none of the charm. Still, he loses the case because of Mike, but had he just gone up against Harvey, he would have won. I hate this guy so much (I also really hated him on Mad Men), but god damn, he's one hell of a lawyer, and that's what these rankings are all about. I want him to go one-on-one with everyone at Pearson Specter, just so I can be aggravated and fascinated all at the same time.

3. Marsha Myers - She played tennis like I play tennis, where she is kind of terrible but runs everything down and puts it in. I have aggravated so many people by playing that way. She sounds wonderful.

4. Harvey Specter - Harvey hates Stemple, but he knows that although he may look meek, there is a tiger roaring inside of him. We found out that the one thing that you should never do is use a Muhammad Ali photoshop against him. But this was 15 years ago, Stemple was probably using MS Paint to do it, and it looked awful. Still, it burns him up inside. Stemple was staying ahead of him, but Mike helps him get the win. Then Harvey makes the terrible mistake of betraying Scotty as a name partner instead of being honest with her as her boyfriend. This means Harvey cares more about Mike than Scotty, and that is probably the most terrible decision in the history of the world.

5. Mike Ross - Mike gets Harvey the opponent that he has wanted for 15 years, but even though he uncovers what Stemple was after, he will never get the credit for it. Mike must stay out of the spotlight forever. Since he will always be second fiddle at best and sometimes no fiddle at all, it really hurts him this week. Sure he's got some great lawyering, but I need my lawyers to be superstars.

6. Donna Paulsen - Donna always knows the best gifts for everyone, so she gives Mike the idea that spawns the whole episode. She also tried to influence Louis to make the right decision when it came to Scotty, but she failed on that mission. In the end, she's sprinkles, nice to have around but not a necessity.

7. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis wants to bring the hammer down on Scotty. He tries to play nice by giving her a fancy scarf, but she still wasn't having any of it. Louis's big issue is that he suspects that nobody is actually a friend. Because of that belief, he would rather get what he wants as a partner than as a friend from Harvey. Louis is destined for two things: Success and loneliness. You can't have it all, Moby Dick.

8. Jessica Pearson - Jessica was 38-3 in tennis, but she could never beat one girl. Instead of strategizing a way to beat this girl, she just gave up and wants Harvey to do the same. Then she gets punked out by Mike and maybe finally realizes that if she just would have charged the net, she probably could have beaten her.

9. Katrina Bennett - Katrina got fooled by a note. Then made a stupid face about it. Not her best week.

10. Rachel Zane - She decorated the whole place while Mike was gone. That was nice, but it also really bothered me because she was wearing like 4 inch heels when Mike came home. Why would she put herself through that pain? Wear sneakers or go barefoot. No wonder you can't get into Harvard. 


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