The WWE Is Ruining... The Ascension

I know what you're thinking, "The Ascension sucks. They always have sucked, and they always will suck." I get that sentiment. They have sucked for so long that it is nearly impossible to remember a time before they completely sucked ass. But this was once the most dominant tag team in NXT history. So what went wrong?

Well, the big thing is that they do not win matches. I know Curt Hawkins had a historical losing streak, but somehow I feel The Ascension's is still sadder. Konnor and Viktor were actually pretty sweet on NXT. No, I'm serious. Konnor was in way better shape, and Viktor helped The Ascension rise. They were the NXT tag team that dominated everyone else.

Oh, how times have changed. The Ascension managed to become worthless right away when they said they were better than Demolition and The Legion of Doom. Then this happened, and things never recovered.


Just for fun, let's see their last win which happened July 2nd on a Main Event taping against Rhyno and Heath Slater. So it's been nearly a year, but on the bright side, Konnor has weirdly been undefeated in three singles matches, beating the likes of Rhyno, Chad Gable, and Bobby Roode. That is really weird, but what is even weirder is the last time that The Ascension won as a tag team before July 2nd as it happened all the way back in February of 2018? No. 2017? Nope. It was February 8, 2016 on Superstars against Fandango and Damien Sandow. I do not even remember those two being a tag team, so The Ascension can take credit for ending what could have been a hell of a career for those two. In fact, The Ascension somehow owns Fandango as they also beat him when he tagged with R-Truth and in the most random of tag team partners possible, Jack Swagger.

But The Ascension used to be important, so could we see them rise again? The short answer is no. But the long answer is why the hell not? Are they the best wrestlers? No. Are they the most physically imposing? Not really. Are they great on the microphone? In small doses, they're okay. So maybe they aren't an ideal fit for a tag title run, but maybe there is another way to get some redemption.

Give them a legend killing tour. First they take out the APA. Then they take out Demolition, because they shouldn't have much problem considering Ax in his 70s at this point, and Smash is about to turn 60. Finally, you have them take out the best of them all, Legion of Doom. You may be thinking that it's not a fair fight since Hawk has passed away, but there were many iterations of Legion of Doom. Now I know I have some questionable ideas occasionally, but don't worry, I have not chosen to tag him up with Darren Drozdov, because The Ascension beating up a paralyzed person seems a little beyond what Fox meant when they said they wanted adult entertainment. Heidenreich would be the obvious choice, but does anybody really want to see him brought back? Nah. So let's go with the unconventional choice, a partner in LOD 2000, let's tag up Animal and Sunny to get taken out by Konnor and Viktor. Sunny is ready for her return, and I think the fans are as well.

Eventually their killing spree must end. And the easiest way to do it is to put them up against the returning Breezango to finally end their reign of terror. It's the perfect way to come full circle and honor a truly great story.

Come on WWE, give The Ascension some love.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Carmella
Chad Gable

Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Curtis Axel

Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Epico

Goldust
Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley

Natalya
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Primo

Randy Orton

Rusev
Scott Dawson
Shane McMahon
Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Zack Ryder 

The 3 Coolest Things About WWE's Crush

The WWE Network is built for nostalgia, and I every few episodes of Raw, I will come across that a guy that I liked way too much or didn't appreciate enough. Crush falls into the former category, as I thought Crush was really cool. When watching now, I am wondering what I thought was so cool, so I decided to break down the three coolest things about Crush in the eyes of a child.

1. Demolition
I thought Demolition was awesome, because I was a WWF kid, so although I was aware that the Road Warriors were awesome, I thought Demolition was just as cool. When looking back, Hawk and Animal actually were awesome, where Axe and Smash were kind of flabby S+M-looking perverts. Anyway, Crush joined the team towards the end, so he had a lot of built in credibility from being associated with Demolition.

2. "Brudder"
A few years later he came back as a Hawaiian who said "Brudder" a lot. I thought that this was both exotic and totally badass.

3. Kona Crush
The coolest thing as a kid is also the lamest thing as an adult. His finisher was the Kona Crush where he basically just squeezed a dude's head until they gave up. The reason this is so awesome for a kid is that kids are small and weak, so being strong enough to just squeeze a man into submission is an amazing fantasy to live vicariously through a wrestler.

After a year of being a cool Hawaiian dude who beat up Doink the Clown for being mean to kids, he "hurt" his back trying to bodyslam Yokozuna and became a Japanese sympathizer, because Macho Man didn't call to check up on him while he was recovering. He then bounced around various tag teams and various organizations over the next few years until retiring due to real back issues.

Like too many wrestling stories, he passed away in 2007 at age 43. Maybe Crush wasn't built for the modern-day cynical adult, but he was still cool by me, brudder.