Thursday, October 31, 2013

Everything You Need To Know About The Movie "Syrup"

On my way back from my honeymoon, I had an 8 hour flight back to the good ol' USA. This led to me having a lot of free time, so I saw what Aer Lingus would provide for entertainment. It was awful. After watching the one episode of Dog with a Blog they had, I decided to give the movie Syrup a try. This would not be a good decision.

The movie is about marketing, so everybody comes up with names to help market themselves because before you market a product, you have to market yourself. I swear to God I am not lying about any of these names/reasoning behind these names.

First off, there is the roommate of the main character, and his brilliant name to market himself, that will blow the doors off the world, is...Pete. Pete doesn't need a great name, because Pete never says anything. Never speaks; that's his thing. Some refer to him as Sneaky Pete, but we'll get into that later.

Next is our main lady, and her name is Six. Her name is Six, because it sounds like Sex. So dudes get boners when they think of her name. When I was a horny teenager, I used to count, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, and then I would just pre my pants. It's impossible to not equate it to sex.

Another lady starts working, and her name is Three. Three is half of six, and that really pisses Six off. Apparently the smaller number is better? If I become a douchey marketing person, my name will definitely just be Decimal.

By the way, they did an excellent job of casting the ladies in this movie. Six was the main girl from Never Back Down, which was hilariously bad. And Three is the main gal from John Tucker Must Die, which was hilariously awesome. 

Why have I not brought up the main character yet? Oh, because his name is the best. And by best, I mean the worst. And by worst, I mean, I would have trouble trying to come up with a worse name that is not blatantly racist. Our main character's name is, drumroll please...Scat. Yes, Scat, like the shit porn. Because making people think of shit porn is a great way to market yourself. What really angered me is that there is one way to make it worthwhile, and they never mentioned it. "My friends call me Scat, because I'm the shit." Nope, they never used that line.

Luckily, Scat has this brilliant idea. He is got the perfect marketing campaign for an energy drink. He doesn't have a flavor or really know anything about energy drinks, but that doesn't matter. His brilliant idea? Call the drink Fukk. Yep, that's his stupid ass idea. Luckily, Six loves it, because they are apparently both mildly retarded teenagers despite being in adult bodies, so he is going to become very rich off of it.

He then has his “great” idea stolen by his roommate, Pete, because he apparently went to the copyright office before Scat thought of that idea. This leads to Pete getting hired and eventually taking Six's never saying a word. Now you should understand why he is called Sneaky Pete.

Although Six gets demoted, she still has a job there, and she needs to come up with a great ad campaign. Luckily, a vending machine falls on Scat, and he suffers no injuries, but they do get a great idea for an ad campaign. They show an animation of kids having vending machines falling on them, with the tag line, "What would you do for a fukk?" Surely, it can't get worse, right? Haha, oh, it's getting way worse, because they also decided to hire a spokesperson. Now if you were going to sell sex in an ad, the woman you would hire would probably be in their 20s, right? This woman isn't in here 20s. She isn't in her 30s. She isn't in her 40s. That's right, she's in her...wait, nope, this woman is not even in her 50s. It is 62 year-old, weight rollercoaster, Kirstie Alley.
Needless to say, sales for the demographic of Grandma Fuckers went through the roof.

Unfortunately, a boy is encouraged by the ads and gets crushed by a vending machine and dies. They go to the funeral when Scat realizes that everyone who is there is an actor, and there is no dead body, because Sneaky Pete created a boy out of thin air to kill him by a vending machine to hurt Six's and Scat's ad campaign for the product that he got credit for creating. Pete says nothing and Scat gets fired, because...I don't know, maybe the heads of the company loved The Sixth Sense.

I really started to get worn down at this point, but Scat and Six join a rival firm and come up with a drink called Average Kok. It obviously becomes the biggest thing ever, and a kid really does kill himself. Scat goes on TV to talk about how awesome his ad campaign is to want someone to want a drink so badly, so he brags about the death of a child, and he's now a hero?

Without anything else happening, and I need to stress that. He goes from bragging about a child's death to a moment where Scat reveals his name as Michael to Six. Six says her name is Six, and Michael leaves her, because she is not a real person.

So why did I watch this movie? Eh, I got a half hour in, and the two females are attractive, so there’s worse things to do on a plane. Not many but still.

I really wish the plane would have had more episodes of Dog with a Blog.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Something To Be Excited About For All 30 NBA Teams

The NBA is back, and I'm super excited about it. Since I grew up a Bulls fan, nothing will ever touch the 90s for my basketball love, but even though my love can never be as deep, the variety of things to love for the current NBA is incredible. There is not a team that is not at least somewhat interesting to watch this season, and I am incredibly excited for so many things. Here is one thing for every team.

Atlanta Hawks - Lou Williams is coming back. He is awesome off the bench, and I used to hate him, because my brother used to be the 76ers a couple years ago and dominate me with Lou Williams. If Williams finally becomes as good as his video game identity, he will be first-team All NBA.

Boston Celtics - Jeff Green. I have an unnatural love for Jeff Green, because I worked for the Sonics during their final year, meaning I saw Green's and Durant's rookie year. He also got Scottie Pippen comparisons all the time, and Scottie will always be near and dear to my heart. Is he going to be Scottie Pippen? No, but he showed flashes of brilliance, and the Celtics are going to need somebody to step up, and Jeff Green is probably their best option for that.

Brooklyn Nets - Aundray Blatche. Oh yes, out of all the changes the Nets made, I'm going with a guy they brought back. Blatche, who took the minimum to screw over the Wizards more, so they have to pay him as much as possibly after amnestying him is going to be one of the most interesting players of the season. That is because he will be playing with KG. Blatche has always had talent, so will KG help him unlock those skills, or will he drive KG insane? There is NO MIDDLE GROUND. Can't wait.

Charlotte Bobcats - Kemba Walker. I think most would say he had a disappointing rookie year, but his second year, he improved across the board with increased usage. Now that he has Al Jefferson to take some of the defensive focus away from him, he could easily go for 20 PPG. Also, do not count them out of having the worst overall record. This team isn't just going to stand up and let the 76ers be worse than them; they'll have to earn it.

Chicago Bulls - Derrick Rose. So I'm an admitted Bulls fan, and there are a lot of things I could write here, but everything pales in comparison to this team having Derrick Rose back. The Bulls could really use a backup center, but outside of that, this team looks great. They may even occasionally bench Deng since they have Dunleavy to take minutes at the 3, and they can just play Jimmy Butler 45 minutes a game so Thibodeau doesn't get out of rhythm. Taj added 20 pounds of muscle and has looked like a beast in the preseason. Okay, need to stop before I start waxing poetically about what Erik Murphy can bring in his 10 minutes of garbage time this season.

Cleveland Cavaliers - Anderson Varejao. Yes, Kyrie is great and everything about Andrew Bynum is worth paying attention to, but don't forget how great Varejao was last year before a blood clot ended his season. It's never just one thing with Varejao, but it's always something. I really hope he stays healthy, because he's a total hustle player, and if he's playing the Bulls, I'll want to reach through the screen and strangle him, but you just gotta respect what he brings to the court.

Dallas Mavericks - Dirk Nowitzki. If he's back to 100%, or even near there, he's amazing to watch. He does things that nobody else in the game can do, and we should not forget how great he is. Never forget: Initially traded for Robert "Tractor" Traylor.

Denver Nuggets - Everybody. Seriously, everyone. Checking out their roster from top to bottom, I can see the value in every player they have. They are kind of like an experienced college team where they'll play a lot of guys and can scrap with teams that have better talent. They will just keep throwing out lines, and they have an insane bench scorer who can turn into the best player on the court in Nate Robinson. JaVale McGee and Kenneth Faried as their starting front court has so much potential. They are likely going to regress, but they are also likely to bother every team they play as they keep sending out fresh guys.

Detroit Pistons - The Frontcourt. I kind of feel bad for Greg Monroe, because he is a very good NBA player, but he is completely uninteresting compared to Josh Smith and Andre Drummond. But how those three work together in an offense where they will basically just all be calling for the ball in the paint, with Josh Smith occasionally popping out for an ill-advised three just because he can. Also, they may never get the ball with Brandon Jennings running the point. They will have the biggest smiles on some nights and the biggest frowns on others. I expect this team to make Assistant Coach Rasheed Wallace proud with their number of ejections.

Golden State Warriors - Stephen Curry. He's really amazing when healthy. I don't think he'll ever be fully healthy for a full year, but who cares? When he's out there, it is nearly impossible to change the channel.

Houston Rockets - Dwight Howard. I know everybody hates Dwight Howard, and he does seem incredibly douchey, but back when I worked for the Sonics. I saw him put up 39 points, and I'm pretty sure that 24 of those points were scored on dunks. I just checked the box score and he somehow made 15-20 free throws in that game. To be fair, Robert Swift was injured during that game, but I will never forget how dominant he was in that game. Back surgeries are bad news, but he has actually had time to totally rest it, and if he's back to Orlando Magic Howard, the Rockets are going to be a contender.

Indiana Pacers - The Next Level. The Pacers have three guys who have a very realistic shot of making a huge leap forward in their game. The most obvious is Paul George who already showed that he's good enough to be a star, but if he can make a higher percentage of shots and get to the line some more, he might be a superstar. Roy Hibbert was dominant in the postseason, and if he does that all season, that could make things very interesting. There's also Lance Stephenson, who might be great, but could also turn into a guy who takes so many bad shots that he cancels out his defensive contributions. But if he developed a consistent three from the corner, he could cause some serious issues for other teams.

Los Angeles Clippers - The Wings. Yes, Chris Paul and Blake Griffin are great, but their wings are what could bring this team to the next level. They are all guys who are way better suited to be on a contender. Jamal Crawford is a heat check guy who can score a ridiculous amount of points if he's on. If he's off, you bench him, and it's no big deal because of the other guys around him. Matt Barnes is a nice contributor, Jared Dudley fills many of the same roles, as he plays tough defense and is high energy. And then there's JJ Redick, who was made to play for a contender as he provides above average defense and great shooting. Nothing else, but that's all they need. I also really like Reggie Bullock, but I do think it'll be tough for him to get many minutes.

Los Angeles Lakers - Steve Nash. I love Kobe too and am anxious to see him back, but I feel like everybody forgot how great Steve Nash is. The way that people talked about Nash, I would have thought he played 20 games and produced zero value. Yes, he's awful on defense, but he still has tremendous court vision and almost shot 50-40-90 last year. Also, Kobe. He's more like Jordan than any other player in history. And yes, LeBron's better, but he would cut his left arm off to win another championship, and you have to respect that.

Memphis Grizzlies - Grit n' Grind. This is not going to be pretty basketball, but if you fondly look back on the 90s, this is the most 90s style team you could ever possibly see.

Miami Heat - LeBron. I know I have picked some under-the-radar guys for other teams, but LeBron is amazing to watch. Remember, LeBron got better last year. He could still be improving. That is so scary. When he plays the Bulls tonight, I am going to be filled with hate, but I still can't wait.

Milwaukee Bucks - LARRY SANDERS! - Credit to Zach Lowe, because he deserves the CAPS treatment. Not only does he block shots like no other, but he also did this.

Minnesota Timberwolves - Ricky Rubio. Not only is he the happiest guy in the NBA, but he also makes others around him happier. He is encouraging Alexey Shved to play with a smile, because he plays better when he is happy. If I could adopt an NBA player, it would be Ricky Rubio. Am I the only one who imagines him as the Tom Haverford of the NBA. I can't be.

New Orleans Pelicans - Anthony Davis. If The Brow takes the leap (like everyone in the world seems to be predicting), New Orleans basketball will be really fun. I still worry about their defense, but with Holiday-Gordon-Evans-Anderson-Davis out there, they'll be incredibly fun to watch while they have the ball.

New York Knicks - Carmelo Anthony. He's got old man game. He's not an athleticism guy, but he knows all the tricks to get his shot off, and that will never leave him. Down the road, if he wanted to take a smaller role, he could probably keep being a valuable contributor for a team well into his 40s.

Oklahoma City Thunder - Kevin Durant. Nearly the same explanation as LeBron. Durant is still getting better, and that's scary. He's great. Enjoy him in his prime.

Orlando Magic - Youth. Trying to decide what young guy is the man to get most excited about is too tough, so I'm just happy to watch everybody. Yes, Oladipo and Vucevic are the best bets to stand out, but Tobias Harris, Mo Harkless, and Andrew Nicholson could also take steps forward this year. No, they probably won't be good, but it'll be fun to see who's the best of the bunch.

Philadelphia 76ers - Brandon Davies. Remember him? From BYU. He got dismissed for the honor code, which most likely means he had sex, possibly with the Mormons most valuable commodity, white women. But he's on the 76ers. There are 29 teams that he probably couldn't get playing time with, but he's on the one where he can. I know people keep saying that they won't break the record for most losses, but man, you look at this roster, and they definitely have a shot.

Phoenix Suns - Eric Bledsoe. This is easy, because he was exciting in limited minutes for the Clippers, but now the Suns may as well play him as much as possible and see what good comes from it. They may even trade Dragic to help with the tanking, which would give him even more freedom to do as he pleases. It's Bledsoe's team, and I can't wait to see how that turns out.

Portland Trail Blazers - Damian Lillard. He was Rookie of the Year last year, so he may be getting better still. Even if he is only as good as last year, that's still a fun player to build around. He's also got Aldridge in the middle and a lot of quality NBA players around them.

Sacramento Kings - DeMarcus Cousins. There's basketball in Sacramento, and maybe this is the year that Cousins figures it out. Yes, I could see myself saying that in six years too, but things might finally be coming together. If Cousins cared, just, like 80% of the time, he'd be an All-Star. If he cared all the time, he's an MVP candidate.

San Antonio Spurs - Teamwork. Yeah, it's cliche, but how do you separate an individual on this group that is made to be a team. Duncan is fantastic, Tony Parker is properly rated by hardcore NBA fans, but still underrated by the casual fan, maybe Ginobili can only play 15 minutes, but if he does it at Ginobili levels, that's still great, and then there's Kawhi who turned into a beast down the stretch. You put these parts together, watch them gel perfectly, and enjoy the fun.

Toronto Raptors - Jonas Valanciunas. He was super popular to be a sleeper last year, and he was fine, but what he showed in the summer and preseason lead me to believe that he might be taking a big step forward this year. Honorable mention to Rudy Gay who is seen as highly overrated by analytics, but he's still a really good basketball player, and that shouldn't be underestimated.

Utah Jazz - The Bigs. Enes Kanter and Derrick Favors. Who is going to be the dominant big? No idea. Are either of them going to be good? Probably, but we don't know. I'm anxious to find out.

Washington Wizards - Johnley Beall - John Wall and Bradley Beal are two players I love watching, and they work great together. They have been helping each other get better since the moment Beal was drafted, with Beal helping Wall on his shot, and Wall helping Beal with ball handling and defense. These are two guys who can be All-Stars with Beal as a dominant scorer, and Wall as the most athletic point guard in the league who can do things that nobody else can. Do not underestimate how good these guys can be.

The season opens up tonight, and there's plenty to be excited about.

Fantasy Basketball Picture

My team is The Outsiders, because I have Steve Nash and Jrue Hol(iday). Also, photoshop is for losers; MS Paint 4 Life!

ESPN makes you use images from the web, so now everyone can enjoy my art. You're welcome.

Also, here is our first promo:

Jrue Hol(iday): Hey yo. We've been takin' a little survey, and we want to know if you're with us...or against us. So who here came to see TheElevenOtherCrappyTeamsInThisLeague? (Boos with a hint of polite golf applause) And who here came to see The Outsiders? (Huge applause) Sounds like another one for the good guys.

Steve Nash: Because we are too sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Monday, October 28, 2013

A Guide For Grooms: Find Time For Yourself

So the whole week of the wedding, there is no free time. You must constantly be working towards the wedding ceremony and reception or socializing to make a good impression, because your bride needs outside approval from everyone who is there. Finding time for yourself is incredibly difficult, so be smarter than me and come up with a plan.

Although I did not have a plan, I did luck out in finding some me time. The one thing that helped me initially is my enjoyment or running, since it is really hard for people to argue against a person staying in good shape. But running isn't all that much fun, and I couldn't go for any epic runs and feel like crap the rest of the day; otherwise, there would be problems.

Where I really lucked out was a delayed flight. Suddenly, plans to pick up multiple people meant that we would need separate trips for the people. That means I had to drive an hour to the airport to pick up a family member. This was basically the best news ever. I got an hour in a car by myself. Also, I can get there early, frame it as me being responsible, and literally just sit there, listening to the Art of Wrestling podcast. It was glorious. Plus, it gave me a reason to go out of my way to get myself a lunch that I could not normally get which added an extra bit of awesome to my day. Also, the drive back gave me some one-on-one time with my airport guest, and I can say that all of my airport guests were great conversationalists. I ended up making three trips on three different days, and it was the greatest thing that could have happened to me. I have a feeling of euphoria just looking back on it. Ah, memories.

So, grooms, even if you aren't big on fitness, volunteer for airport duty. If you’re a stupid oaf like me, you usually just get in the way of things, so it should be easy for you to convince the bride that it is a great way to stay out of the way and still be productive. Best of both worlds.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Scouting Week 9 of College Football

Oh, Jameis Winston. You're very good at football. He has great placement on his balls. He also is thinking far ahead of most college (and even some pro) quarterbacks in the way that he will throw balls to protect his receivers. He threw a crossing route behind his receiver, and it saved his receiver from getting laid out by an NC State defensive back. Still, it's really hard to do much judging of him when his team is just dominating their opponents. Maybe Miami will give him a tough game next week, but I'm kind of doubting it.

Sammy Watkins is incredibly smooth as a receiver. The one thing that stood out for Alshon Jeffrey that Watkins has is the way he attacks the ball with his hands instead of waiting for it to come to him. Jeffrey has been so good that some people view him as the Bears true #1 receiver. I'm not quite ready to go there with him, but Watkins might be Jeffrey with more athleticism. He's just an incredibly reliable target.

Tajh Boyd, on the other hand, is just fine. He greatly benefits from the weapons around him, and he seems to lack a great feel for things. Last week, he lost the ball on a corner blitz when he was naturally rolling away from that blitz. This week, he failed to handle pressure repeatedly. He loses track of what is around him when he feels pressure, and he only survives on pure athleticism, which will not work at the next level.

AJ McCarron, and everyone on Alabama, drives me crazy, because there is just so much talent on that team that they can completely outclass opponents. How much credit does McCarron deserve? As I'm typing this, Christion Jones just took an end around for five yards; unsatisfied, he completely reversed field, and ended up picking up an additional 15. McCarron places his balls really well, but his receivers get so open that he really doesn't need to rocket anything in there.

From what I've seen, I would compare him to Andy Dalton, where he has the skillset to be competent at the next level. An interesting question is whether Andy Dalton was a good pick for the Bengals. He's good enough to guide them to the playoffs with the help of the best receiver in the league, a good offensive line, and a very good defense. I'm really not sure if that's a compliment or an insult. He's not Blaine Gabbert, which is good, but is their ceiling with a guy like him at QB a loss in the divisional round of the playoffs?

Anthony Barr is baffling me. He always takes advantage of mistakes, but it seems like he only makes plays off of mistakes. He's got a great speed rush, so if the offensive line doesn't get a good kick out in their initial set, he will blow right by them. I can't tell if his speed is so great that he makes people look like they have terrible technique or if his speed just kills terrible technique. He also has a great engine, and he does just keep moving and finding a way to make plays. I could see him being a lot like Aldon Smith, who is a guy I totally whiffed on. Before the draft, I'm going to try to watch tape from both guys to see if I am missing something on prospects like this.

Marcus Mariota is one guy who I have been waiting to study. I'm still not nearly as high on him as others seem to be. The first thing that leaps out is that he is an incredible athlete. His down field throws left a lot to be desired. In the second quarter, he completed a deep out, but he under threw it and it almost gave the defensive back a play on the ball. They turned the ball over on downs when he badly overthrew a receiver in the end zone. Too often, he just tries to fire the ball in there, but he has the ability to put touch on the ball. His touchdown pass in the game was a really nice ball that he made look very easy. He does do a good job of going through his reads. He doesn't panic and does a good job of setting and throwing. Oregon has a great offense, and that makes things easy on Mariota. Right now, I see him as a rich man's Kaepernick, so he definitely has first round value. Seeing how he handles pressure will provide a better idea of how high in the first round he should go.

Brett Hundley is just not impressive. I saw major issues when I watched him against Nebraska, and I continue to have the same concerns. The good about Hundley is obvious. He's athletic, and he has good arm strength. The most brutal part of his game was a terrible throw inside the red zone that led to an easy pick from Oregon. Hundley's touchdown pass before the end of the half was a nice ball, but that is where he succeeds. It was a throw over the middle where he was able to go to his first read. He recognized the blitz and knew that if his receiver was able to break inside the cornerback that it was just going to be a pitch and catch at that point. He also doesn't have a great feel inside the pocket as sometimes he panics when it is not necessary and other times he does not notice a defender nearby. The endzone camera would help on this, but he seemed to lock into receivers at times and fail completely on going through his progressions before trying to run. He zeroes in on a guy, which gives the safety a chance to break on routes, so instead of waiting for a receiver to get open, he telegraphs it so much that the coverage can adjust to his eyes. This is the reason he got picked off at the beginning of the fourth quarter, because the man in coverage was able to break on the pass before he even threw it. I don't hate him as a prospect, but I do think he could use another year, possibly two, in college to refine his game. If he came out this year, a team would really be gambling on a lot of different things coming together for him to work out at the next level.

DeAnthony Thomas is a guy who is dangerous in space, and I think if he is utilized correctly, he can be an impact player, but he's far more Darren Sproles than Warrick Dunn. I just don't see an every down back in him, and he has to be in a system that is designed for success.

I was digging Jordan Zumwalt, as there was a drive where he was basically trying to murder everyone on Oregon. He was always around the ball, and that guy is a player.

I love Brandin Cooks. I was only able to catch the oregon State-Stanford game at the bar, but that dude is a player. Very elusive and very good routes, finds holes in the defense and is a great asset for a quarterback. 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

11 Thoughts on Iowa vs. Northwestern

1. I'm going into this game with high hopes, and if there is one thing Northwestern is known for, it is destroying Iowa's hopes with stupid luck and chicanery.

2. I love when Iowa plays at a fast pace, because it is unlike anything any other team does. They don't spread teams out; they keep things even tighter and just pound the ball to help set up their play action. It is aesthetically pleasing for somebody who loves watching a good run game.

3. Rudock is very good at running the sneak. If they don't stack the middle, he shoots in right behind his center. If they do stack the middle, he just takes his time and goes behind his guard or tackle depending on where he can find some space. A guy like Cam Newton will always be great at sneaks with his athleticism and leg power, but being patient works for less athletic quarterbacks. Tom Brady is an excellent example of this, but I promise this will be the only Brady/Rudock comparison I make today.

4. Iowa used James Morris as a spy this week, which is a way better use of a fourth rusher considering the lack of rush they have been able to generate with their defensive line. Learning lessons from last week is a very positive step forward. It also doesn't hurt that he made a great play on a delayed rush with a sack on Colter.

5. Northwestern showed that although Iowa can handle power running, speed running with misdirection can pick up yardage, especially if the quarterback is a key part of the running game.

6. It is very tough for me to be critical of Iowa's strategies, because it's never poor; it's just often not good enough. That is why it seems as though any time an offense gets a penalty, they can never recover to get that first down. Teams can get ten yards on Iowa, but they'd shut teams down if they changed the rules to go 12 yards.

7. Meyer missed the kick against Northwestern, because these things always happen against Northwestern. He never had a chance.

8. I am glad that even Kirk pointed out that Rudock made the right call on his interception at the end of the game. Trying to thread the needle there is well worth the risk, as an interception did not put Iowa in any danger, and if he is able to complete it, they are set up to try a field goal as time expires in regulation. It's a situation where stats can be deceiving.

9. The touchdown pass to Fiedorowicz was a well designed play. In man coverage, you know the man in coverage has to protect on inside breaking routes, so all he had to do was loft it out there  and count on his tight end having a step on his man.

10. Desmond King makes plays. I am super excited about his future, as he may be the first cornerback since Jovon Johnson who will get crunk on the field.

11. 5-3 is very solid. This team plays everybody tough, and nobody is claiming that Ferentz should be fired. It's a good time to be a Hawkeye.

Why I'm Excited About Iowa Football

Last week against Ohio State may have been Iowa's best offensive performance of the year. They ran the ball effectively and actually did some damage down the field in the passing game. Jake Duzey is a legitimate weapon that they could really do some damage with if they continue to get him the ball with move to room. Damond Powell is a guy who makes my heart stop every time he touches the ball, because he has such great initial quickness that he can bust things wide open if given just a little bit of space. And the running game with a heavy dose of Weisman, a decent amount of Bullock and a sprinkle of LeShun Daniels is ideal for Iowa's blocking scheme. I'm really excited about Daniels, as I think he has shown excellent vision early on, so with a little more experience, he can do some serious damage. I see him being #2 next year before moving up to #1 on the depth chart as a Junior. Plus, the offensive line has been much better than in recent years, and a good offensive line is key to Iowa success.

That turned into a tangent, but the main point from last week is they may have only put up 24 points, but it was against a team that was athletically superior everywhere and made very few mistakes throughout the game.

Also the defense came very close to playing one of their best games. I know that is hard to see considering they failed to force a single punt, but they put Ohio State in third and fourth down situations, but they just couldn't get those necessary stops. In the second half, they were just worn down and outclassed, and Ohio State just didn't make any mistakes. The defensive line is doing a great job against the run, with the only time they really got beat being the second half of last week when they just got worn down. Iowa still needs some impact pass rushers to help that defense click on all levels, but it's still a positive step forward.

If Ohio State doesn't make mistakes, Iowa won't win, but it was still my favorite Hawkeye performance of the year. Yes, Iowa won a game 59-3 this year, but even that was built off of opponent mistakes instead of great play from Iowa. The type of game they had against Ohio State gives me hope. Iowa is 4-3, but has led at halftime of every game they have played this year. That is because the strategy has been there to put Iowa in a position to win. The talent just hasn't quite been enough to actually keep things going through the second half. Still, I'm very excited about the future and think they could compete for a spot in the B1G Championship in 2014.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Please Start Watching NXT

Please start watching NXT. You can watch it for free on Hulu. I notice the episodes on Thursday mornings, but maybe they come out earlier than that. NXT is the best show the WWE produces. It is made up of wrestlers you have likely never seen before (unless you actually like independent wrestling, which very few people are aware of), and it has appearances by guys on WWE's main roster. It's awesome. The storylines make sense, and the matches are way better than Raw (excluding matches from The Shield, Ziggler, Cesaro, Daniel Bryan, and honestly, Randy Orton lately). I can't tell enough people about Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn in a 2 out of 3 falls match from a couple months ago. Click on this, go to right after the second to last commercial break (it's about 19 minutes left) and watch the match of the year. Seriously, the only that isn't awesome about this match is Alex Riley on commentary. Sami Zayn has followed this up by having awesome matches with Jack Swagger, El Local, and Bo Dallas. If you start watching NXT, Sami Zayn will become one of your five favorite wrestlers.

Outside of Sami Zayn matches, which are all awesome, the other best thing about NXT is Bo Dallas. That's right; I'm a Boliever. This is one of the greatest gimmick alterations the WWE has ever performed. Bo Dallas was basically John Cena where he was a good guy who was always positive and people despised him for it. The beauty of NXT is it is almost entirely made of the snarky WWE fans (I am one of these people). What Bo Dallas initially did was try to ignore things, but now he has become a delusional character who hears boos as "Bos," and basically everything he says now is brilliant. He is now the guy that everybody wants to punch in the face, and I love him for it.

The worst thing in the WWE is CJ Parker. He is a hippie who doesn't quite understand how to be a hippie and snaps in and out of character with no rhyme or reason. But that's the beauty of NXT, everyone that you feel should be hated is actually hated. Everything about CJ Parker is geared to get a positive reaction, but everyone who goes to NXT shows hates CJ Parker.

He's feuding with Tyler Breeze, who is Wrestling Zoolander. I see I have piqued your interests. Enjoy this video:

Yeah, he constantly takes selfies, and he's just a really fun character. He also beats CJ Parker all the time which is also very enjoyable.

Speaking of ridiculous things that make me happy, Enzo Amore and Big Cass are also fantastic. I am working on memorizing this speech for every job interview that I have:

This is one of my favorite promos of the year:

I cannot wait to tell somebody that they don't eat hard tacos, because they are S-A-W-F-T SAWFT!

And there is also Renee Young who has started showing up on the big shows but is even more wonderful on NXT. She does commentary occasionally and the only one who can keep up with her is William Regal. She could easily be to wrestling what Doris Burke is to basketball, which makes her the opposite of what Pam Ward is to college football. Also, she's pretty easy on the eyes as well.

I could easily keep going on this, but I really want people to start sharing in my love of NXT. Right now, all I have are the weekly recaps from Brandon Stroud on Uproxx (which are excellent). So please start watching, and I will gladly share thoughts on Aden English, Alexander Rusev, Kassius Ohno, Mojo Rawley (Stay Hype), and anybody else.

NXT is the best. Please start watching it.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

A Guide For Grooms: Writing Vows

Now let me just start by saying that this is an area where I wish I could have had back. My vows were solid, but I did not follow these rules since I didn't know about them until it was too late. Still, I learned from my mistakes and am passing on my wisdom to you.

1. Write it well in advance.
You are going to get busy, and you are not going to want to/have time to sit down and write proper vows. This is where I messed up. I kept thinking I would have some time to get it done but stuff really piles up that week. I just kept putting it off, and then finally did it about 45 minutes before the ceremony was about to start. Now I'm a solid writer, so they turned out well, but they could have been better. Do not make the same mistake I did.

2. Keep it short.
Mine was probably about a minute, but I hit the key points, made sure to take her cocky ass down a peg but was nice enough where she wasn't going to call the whole thing off.

3. Make it sincere.
Even if you are a shithead like me, you should still make it sincere. You're only going to do this once (fingers crossed), so you should do it right. A real key to these weddings is that this is not your special day.

4. You can add humor, but make it appropriate.
If you're not using humor, this should be easy for most people, but adding it in with sincerity is tough, because many don't talk like a lovey dovey smoochie smooch when with their lady. I am definitely one of these people. Honestly, most of my private conversations with her make us both look borderline retarded, but we fit well with each other. Like I said, I was able to take her down a peg, but it was still 90% complimentary.

5. Memorize it, but be prepared.
You should take the time to memorize your vows. It will look way more baller, and maybe people will think you're just super romantic and these words are coming straight from your heart. With that being said, be prepared for the possibility that you will get nervous and forget everything. Pack a notecard, and hopefully you won't have to use it. Since I'm an idiot and wrote mine 45 minutes beforehand, I definitely needed my notes, but I just used simple notes so I could still talk to her. Still, it is a nerve-racking day, so remember to go slow and actually think about the words you are saying.

As I said, this is one area where I definitely could have improved, but I hope you can learn from my mistakes. Oh, also, if you are looking for a great quote to use, my bride used, "Life's cutthroat, not love boat," and there is not a situation where that quote is not awesome.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Suits Power Rankings - Stay

Okay, so here's the story: The last Suits was during the week leading up to my wedding. I snuck in a late night viewing of the episode and took notes. But I never actually formed my notes into meaningful sentences. Now it's six weeks later, and I have a lot of things that make no sense. Still, maybe you can make sense of these ramblings. I tried to rank people, but it was based on very limited information. For the previous week's coherent rankings, click here. Now onto the ramblings:

1. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is using his main squeeze to find top notch candidates, but seeing himself in his LARP gear gets him all boned up. Still, a 77 minute break is long enough, he's got to get to work. Louis slays so much tang that he doesn't even realize when ladies fall in love. Then Louis finds out that Mike Ross never went to Harvard. CLIFFHANGER!

2. Harvey Specter - Harvey is trying to do the right thing, but he is also trying to help out Scotty. He hates Tanner, so he gives him a good zinger about never winning against him. Harvey loves zingers, both the quick wit ones and the delicious Hostess treats. Harvey also finds out that Scotty was engaged while he was giving her the business. Whoopsies. He's a smooth talkin' son of a gun. That's how he not only wins over Ava to win the case, but he also wins Scotty's heart without ever telling her that he loved her. All he had to say is, "I want you in my life." I have Facebook friends that I haven't said a word to in years that are technically in my life. Don't hate the game.

3. Jessica Pearson - She knows they have no chance to win against Ava Hessington's lawsuit. But she is also involving herself in Mike and Rachel's relationship, because A) she loves office gossip, and B) She realizes that Mike sharing his secret with Robert Zane's daughter could bury her firm, and that shit don't fly with her.

4. Dana Scott - Scotty gets Harvey to help her out on the Ava Hessington case. She also isn't going to take any shit from Tanner.

5. Sheila Sass - Created an app to help Louis find the best candidates, but that's just so she can get the business. She didn't get a kiss goodbye from him, so she decided to break Louis. Then they make up and make love.

6. Mike Ross - Mike is very broken up about Rachel thinking about Stanford. Mike goes to Harvey for love advice, but luckily ignores everything he hears.

7. Rachel Zane - Rachel needs to spread her wings.

8. Donna Paulsen - Gives up the goods on Mike and Rachel's relationship to Jessica. What a boner. Then she makes up for it by tricking Huntley into confessing to his lies.

9. Ava Hessington - Ava is going after Harvey with full force.

10. Stephen Huntley - Signed an affidavit to bury Scotty. He's lying, but the guy is up for murder, so lying is the least of his worries. He fell for some Franklin and Bash shenanigans, because everyone is the worst lawyer ever.

11. Travis Tanner - Tanner is back on the case to try to beat Harvey. Tanner is the king of gossip, so he knows everybody's business. Tanner gives ladies a special drink to try to get them to turn on old flames. It never works, but it's his go-to. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Jadeveon Clowney is Still a Beast

Jadeveon Clowney is still a beast. I know his stats have not shown that. Honestly, even the tape can fool people. Teams have watched tape, and they have found what Clowney’s weaknesses are, and they have done an excellent job of exploiting that.

This is where people get confused. Technique is the most underrated aspect in football. In football, how you get the job done really is far more important than getting the job done in predicting future performance.

People forget how young Clowney is. He was a rotational piece during his Freshman year, and he was still figuring things out last year in his first year as a full-time starter. As the season progressed, he got better and better. As he was getting better, coaches had limited time to prepare for him and limited resources to do it. Now, coaches had a full offseason, and every offensive line that is on South Carolina’s schedule spent more time studying Clowney than any other defensive player they would see the rest of the season. Honestly, many teams probably spent more time on Clowney than they spent on the rest of the SC defense. And no player is perfect, so they have found ways to neutralize his impact. SC has lost a lot of talent these past couple years, and the rest of the team is not making opponents pay for focusing on Clowney.

But this guy is still the best. A great example is how Ndamukong Suh dominated in his rookie year of the NFL, and his next year was not nearly as good. Suh didn’t get soft or lazy; he just did the same things that had always worked for him before. NFL teams adapted, and it hurt Suh’s performance. They were able to focus on stopping Suh and take their chances with the guys around him. Now that Detroit has more talent around him, teams can no longer completely focus on Suh, and he is once again seen as one of the most dominant defensive linemen in the entire league.

Any defensive player's impact can be neutralized by an offense's gameplan. Darrelle Revis has never led the league in interceptions, but that's because teams don't throw at him. Whenever you see a player have a great sack season, there is almost always another guy who has a very good sack season on that team. Anthony Spencer with DeMarcus Ware, Brooks Reed with JJ Watt, Justin and Osi with JPP and Strahan. They need those other guys in order to put up historical numbers. Right now, Clowney is so much better than his teammates that teams would rather take chances on the other 10 guys on the field, and it's really tough to put up stats if that's the case.

I always want to look at a player’s best plays, because it lets you look at the ceiling of a player. There is no defensive player with a higher ceiling than Clowney. That hasn’t changed, and that is the type of thing I want to acquire if I’m an NFL team.