It's Time To Charm MusclePharm

I know what you're thinking. You thought that this Adonis-like body was all natural. Unfortunately, at age 31, I need a little help to keep up my image as the personification of perfection. Since I'm too cheap to pay for the good stuff (steroids), I turn to my good friends at MusclePharm. They make a wide variety of products, but I keep it simple with a daily vitamin, pre-workout, protein powder, and protein bar. Luckily for me, MusclePharm makes great products in each of these categories.

Daily Vitamin: Armor-V
Daily life is hard, as there are always people trying to take you off your game, whether it be giving you extra assignments at work or shooting you, Armor has everything you need to survive the day. It gives me both inner and outer strength, and I feel much better when I have had my daily vitamin.

Pre-Workout: Assault
This is where we get into the awesome names that make you feel manly and give you an uber-workout-boner. Assault is what I do to any weight that dares stand before me thanks to the energy boost I get from this product. The other great thing about it is the price continues to drop on Bodybuilding.com, so it's a super cheap pre-workout supplement. That is very important to me, as I'm not exactly setting the world on fire with my cash flow, so being reasonably priced is real nice for a fella like me. Oh, and like all pre-workouts, make sure you build in some time after taking it to take a dump before working out.

Protein Powder: Combat
Combat Protein Powder is a tasty treat in both chocolate and vanilla (I'm a very plain flavor sort of guy when it comes to my proteins). I'm a believer that protein powders are basically all the same, so if you like the taste and it comes cheap, you should go for it. The only one I wouldn't recommend is some brand that has a Jay Cutler sponsorship. It was the bodybuilder, not the quarterback, but I feel like the stink of the quarterback got involved in the flavor making process, so it'll leave you pouting on the sidelines.

Protein Bar: Combat Crunch
I know I said I was a big fan of MusclePharm products, but this one is off the chain by any standards. If you want a premium protein bar, it does not get any better than this. I scoff at people who are eating Quest bars like they are any good. Combat Crunch Bars (Peanut Butter flavor) are better than crack. I've never had crack, but I feel pretty safe in saying these are better. It's basically like eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup that is topped with a nestle crunch bar. These are the one MusclePharm product that is a little costly, but it is well worth the price, as they are that damn good.

The only downside with MusclePharm is that they aren't sponsoring me. I mean, I'm not a professional athlete, but I lift, train in MMA, and go for runs and would gladly be a walking/rolling/running billboard for their company for the low cost of some free products and some swag to stroll around in. So MusclePharm representative, add me to your stable of sponsorships by reaching out on Twitter or by email. Together, we can have a beautiful relationship. 

I Would Make Love To Mrs. Renfro

Mrs. Renfro may be the sexiest woman in the world. This, despite me never laying my eyes on anything more than a picture of her. But just a picture of her basically makes her the Sunny of my adulthood (although hopefully less racist). And even though I have never seen her flesh, I have tasted her, and oh my, her taste is impeccable. But enough buildup, feast your eyes on this beauty:

I don't know about you, but I'm all boned up over here.

But let's get down to brass tacks, Mrs. Renfro's Habanero Salsa is the hot sauce that I use for all of my Mexican needs and even some other needs like burgers or straight snacking. It's amazing. It's got a good kick to it without making you feel awful, and the taste is absolutely delicious. It's the only hot sauce worthy of my fantastic meals, and it's at least partially responsible for my wife agreeing to marry me.

But that's not her only amazing product, as the Ghost Pepper Nacho Cheese Sauce should be banned for being highly addictive. The only place I have found it is at a Fresh Market, and even then, they were sold out 2/3 of the time, so when I did see it in stock, I quickly made sure that they would be out of stock by the time I left. Imagine the best nacho cheese sauce you have ever had. Now add ghost peppers. That is what this sauce is. This is what the song Hurts So Good is about, as the taste is amazing, and that burn keeps you wanting more.

I have very strong feelings about Mrs. Renfro and their amazing products (They have tons of stuff, but the only other thing I have tried is the Ghost Pepper Salsa, which is also great). So Mrs. Renfro representative, feel free to leave a comment, hit me up on Twitter (@HottJoe) or email (uncensoredwriting@gmail.com) and bless me with some product or some sweet swag, as I will gladly wax poetically or become a walking billboard for Mrs. Renfro and her wide array of quality products.

Natural Light, I Love You

Outside of the WWE, there is no #Brand that I have more affection for than Natural Light. I have waxed poetically about Natural Light here, here, and here. Oh, and also here. And how could I forget here? And then there's here. That should do it...wait, here's one more (there are actually more where I dropped in compliments; these are just the most prominent posts).

I love Natural Light. Nearly all of the most fun times I have had in my life have had Natural Light prominently involved. Is it the best beer I've ever had? No, it's not. But it is the best beer to have. It's perfect in so many ways.

It falls in this beautiful area where it's cheap but the Hipsters really haven't attached themselves to it. Not only that, but it's always easy to call out posers when they try hate on Natural Light. I have had this exchange every time I have Natural Light.

Poser: Natural Light, ugh, I can't believe you can drink this stuff.
Me: It's awesome beer, why is that so hard to believe?
Poser: It tastes like shit.
Me: Natural Light barely tastes like anything. You've never had Natural Light, have you?
Poser: Uh...
Me: Yep, that's what I thought.

AND SCENE.

Also, Natural Light is a great way to make friends. Good, salt of the Earth people have gone through some weekends of pounding back some Natural Lights. They may have lost their way as the years went on, but they are always excited to see a guy going to a backyard BBQ or Rose Bowl with 12 Nattys by his side.

Finally, I've mentioned this before (probably numerous times), but nothing bad happens when you drink Natty Light. You can have 1, you can have 10, you can have 100, and you can only reach a safe level of drunkeness that keeps you fully aware of the good times with the ability to impress the ladies.

I love Natural Light, and I want Natural Light to love me. I know that the good people at Natty Light Headquarters can't send me 30 packs as a gift, but I know they have swag. Sweet, sweet swag. Maybe a t-shirt, maybe a hat, or maybe a gi (which would be THE coolest thing ever), but come on Natty Light representative, show me some love. Hit me up on Twitter (@HottJoe) or by email (uncensoredwriting@gmail.com), as I have already pledge my allegiance but want to walk proudly in swag to let everyone know that I'm ALL NATURAL...Light.

My Goal for 2016 - Free Stuff

Me and this blog have been on one hell of a non-lucrative ride (probably because I still don't know to write, "This blog and I"), but I feel like 2016 is the year for this to change. I'm not going for ads on the site; instead, I'm going for straight pandering. You see, there are things that I love out there, but I'm still paying for them, which is incredibly unfortunate. That is why I am going to write lovingly about my favorite #Brands in the hopes that they will send me some free product or merchandise. On top of this, you will get exposed to the very best that this world has to offer. And trust me, it won't be expensive, because I am cheap as shit.

We'll officially begin next week, but for now, I'd like to tell my friends at Lamborghini that they make an incredible car, but if Ferrari wants my undying support, I could probably be bought with a simple keychain...attached to keys...for a brand new Ferrari.

(Editor's Note: I also put this on my dream board, so it's bound to happen)

Suits Power Rankings: Give Me Free Stuff, Suits Executives

The Suits Power Rankings are late this week, and there is a very good reason for that. I moved into a new house this week, so we have a bunch of stuff in boxes, and sometimes life gets in the way of watching legal dramas on cable...

Oh yeah, about that cable thing. I have joined the hip, young generation and gotten rid of cable. That means that I won't be able to watch Suits until Hulu Plus posts the episodes. This means the rankings would generally be too late to have the meaning of hitting within 24 hours of the episode actually airing.

So, here is my plea, Suits Executives. Give me advanced screeners of the episodes, and you will dominate the Thursdays on this blog. Do you want some extra early-week content? That could be arranged. I am a man who is willing to negotiate. I want both you and I to come out as winners. I produce the best darn content on the internet to buzz up interest for a show. Am I guaranteeing a spinoff? No, but it certainly wouldn't be out of the question if these power rankings continue.

So, let's make virtual love, Suits. You give me advanced screeners of episodes; I give you kickass content to help you launch, Suits: Chicago, Suits: SVU, and my personal favorite, Suits 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Even the great Harvey Specter couldn't turn down a deal that good.