Friday, January 24, 2020

The WWE Is Ruining... The Street Profits

WWE, why do you keep doing this? You take something both beautiful and wonderful from NXT, and you immediately stop doing what made them great. I understand that things must evolve, but their initial evolution was to be shills for other wrestler’s t-shirts, match reviews, and doing a parody of a Weekend Update, which is already a parody.

But at least they were able to showcase in tag matches. With WWE’s incredibly deep and talented roster, it is never hard to find opponents for the Street Profits. That is why they have been able to match up with The OC, The Viking Raiders, and....nope, those are the only two teams they have faced. The good news is that they are 2-0 against The OC in regular tag matches. Their only other tag match against a single team was losing to The Viking Raiders in three minutes.

And this is what makes it so tough to care.

Luckily, I have a solution, and that solution is drawing near. The Royal Rumble is the perfect time to turn Montez Ford into a star. Now, I am a total mark for Montez, but even I can’t quite justify him winning the Rumble, but how cool would it be if he got into the Rumble early and was one of the last four guys in there? The crowd would almost definitely be fully behind him unless Matt Riddle is still in there and needs to eliminate Brock Lesnar. It would be a star-making moment.

But then he loses and goes back to his tag team, but he’s now a star in a tag team instead of one half of Street Profits. I know none of this has touched on Angelo Dawkins, but I think anyone can see that Montez Ford is the star of the team, and Angelo is plenty good enough to keep them as a team for the foreseeable future. The next night on Raw, you have The Street Profits challenge and defeat The Viking Raiders to capitalize on that momentum.

After that, you have NXT tag teams come up and challenge them week after week as opposed to them facing the same two tag teams over and over again. You just let them put on entertaining matches with The Forgotten Sons, Imperium, and maybe even The Time Splitters if you really want to blow people’s minds.

Then, they are your champions going into a tag team ladder match at WrestleMania where again, they can set the world on fire. At that point, have them drop the belts to a top team, and get them chasing after the belts again.

Boom, Street Profits are STARS.

And please stop having them parody things that only boomers watch.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Aiden English
AJ Styles

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Nobody Can Possibly Be Mad About This

Anytime my hometown of Davenport, Iowa is in the news, it is for something shockingly stupid. D-Port Represent! The most recent example is no exception as we have an argument over free speech or hate speech. You can check out the full article here, but I can also sum it up fairly easily. Local man has too much time and snow on his hands so he builds a snowman who is both chainsawing and gunning down Bernie Sanders and a random democratic supporter. Also the attacker has a can of Busch Light, because of course he does; it’s Iowa. 

On top of that, he put up a political sign, “Hesseltine 2020” just so everybody knows who did it. 

And, of course, people are outraged. Someone might see the military snowman, down a 30 of Busch Light and chainsaw a democratic presidential candidate in half, I guess? It’s all so stupid. It reminds me of Iowa Hawkeye fans getting mad because Stanford made fun of Iowa during halftime of the Rose Bowl. Like, nobody could actually be mad about that, right? Yet, somehow people are. 

And Donald Hesseltine openly admits that he is just trolling people. Here are some of his quotes:

“I put it up there to mess with them.”

“It’s just to make people cry I guess.”

“They’re crying so I win.”

Okay, let’s take a moment and recognize that, “They’re crying so I win” is a slogan that could probably sell millions of dollars worth of merchandise. 

But it’s all just so stupid. And since everyone in Iowa knows each other, I do need to point out that Donnie was a friend of mine in high school, and I would have no issue grabbing a beer with him if I was back in Iowa. But he’s clearly a troll; he’s always been a troll, just doing shit to make people mad, and I think he would even point that out himself. He is doing nothing to hide the fact that he thought it would be funny to make people mad, and people are still getting mad about this stupid shit which turned something that maybe 100 people would have seen into something that millions of people have seen. 

So, please, don’t get mad at the snowmen, because they have different political opinions than you. Just ignore those men of snow and focus on...literally anything else. 

D-Port Represent!

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Why Am I Not More Into This Iowa Hawkeyes Basketball Team?

The Iowa Hawkeyes are currently ranked in the top 20 in the polls and have some great wins on their resume. They have three-point shooters, one of the best scoring big men in the entire country and a young point guard who, although flawed, is always exciting to watch.

And yet I just can’t get into this team like I should. Iowa is currently 13-5, and they keep showing flashes that they might be putting all of the pieces together. Luka Garza has been phenomenal. Like, what the hell? I had a friend who thought that Adam Woodbury should have had stats like Garza is putting up, also while leading the nation in blocks. And that’s the beauty of Iowa fans as we always have ridiculous optimism even if it is not at all warranted. But with Garza, he’s simply been incredible, and I feel great any time the ball is in his hands. He’s nearly fulfilling the Woodbury promise.

Along the wings, CJ Fredrick has been a revelation. Like, how did that guy need to redshirt? I’m glad he did, but damn, that guy is all over the place on defense and he has ice in his veins when it comes to making big shots. Alongside him is the guy we thought would be the unstoppable monster of this Iowa team, Joe Wieskamp, who has showed plenty of flashes of brilliance but still disappears during some games where he becomes a non-factor. Still, Wieskamp is a guy I totally believe in, and he has the ability to raise his game when the Hawks need him.

Joe Toussaint is starting at point guard, but he shares plenty of minutes. He’s definitely the most exciting of all of the options as he’s the fastest player I ever remember wearing an Iowa uniform. He’s a little out of control, and the shooting needs work, but he’s a menace on defense, and he just makes this team a lot more fun.

Connor McCaffery is the weakest link in the starting five, and somehow, has played just 23 fewer minutes than Garza this season. He has not quite had the impact of Garza, but he’s a jack-of-all-trades. Nothing he does stands out, but he’s not awful in any way. Still, I feel ill anytime that I see him with the ball in his hands. He’s not my personal cup of tea.

Off the bench, Iowa has Ryan Kriener who seems to make every shot he takes. That’s not too far off as he is making 63% of his shots. Bakari Evelyn started off terrible but has found his groove lately as a grad transfer. And Cordell Pemsl is happy to do the dirty work and provide the muscle if things get out of hand.

So why am I not more into this team? I think being hurt repeatedly by teams of Fran’s past coaching tenure has made it tougher for me to open my heart again. It might just be that I have a kid now, and that makes my previous plan of waking up super early to watch the game way more difficult since he also wakes up super early. But this isn’t the team’s fault. Dominant big men are rare sights, and it’s so much fun to watch. Wieksamp and Fredrick are a blast, and I don’t care if Joe Toussaint isn’t all that great at basketball, he’s so fast that I can’t take my eyes off of him.

I’m all in on the Hawkeyes. In fact, I am so in that I’m even going to stay up and watch the Rutgers game tonight (sees 9 PM tipoff)...okay, well, I’ll do my best to watch the first half.

National Title, here we come! And you heard it here first, from Iowa’s #1 fan, as long as fandom doesn’t interfere with bedtime.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

The WWE Is Ruining... Erick Rowan

So, the cage is a rib, right? Rowan is carrying around this terrifying cage that sometimes spits out blood and freaked out the unfreakoutable Mojo Rawley, that cage is just to rib their competition. It’s the classic, and oh man, do I mean classic Billionaire Ted skits for a new generation. With the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face, those things tickled my funny bone to its core. Instead of the Macho Man, they called him the Nacho Man. And instead of the Hulkster, they called him the Huckster. Damn that shit was good.


So now that the WWE has legitimate competition, they just can’t help but needle that competition and hope that it gets a response. 


By this time, you probably already know what’s in the cage, and that it will probably send the leader of their competition into a fit of absolute rage when they finally reveal it. 


Yep, they are going after their toughest competition, the NWA, and despite all of Billy Corgan’s rage, Rowan simply has a rat in that cage. Oh man, is that going to irk Billy C. Later, Rowan may even use that cage to smash fruit...pumpkins, perhaps? You betcha.


As of this writing, his last match against a real opponent (No Way Jose doesn’t count) on television was all the way back in October against Seth Rollins, so it seems like they’re utilizing Rowan as a monster, but putting him in against some actual contracted WWE talent would probably be a good idea, because I think everyone understands that he is better than Local Jobber at this point. He’s probably not a main event talent, but he’s big and scary, and those guys are always useful to build up your up-and-coming babyfaces.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Aiden English
AJ Styles

Monday, January 20, 2020

The WWE Is Ruining... AJ Styles

I still can’t believe how long it took for the WWE to realize that AJ Styles might be pretty good at this whole professional wrestling thing. But after proving he was great for like two decades, he finally did make it on the WWE roster, and overall, it’s been a tremendous success. He has been seen as the best wrestler in the world for part of his run, and his greatness is undeniable.


But it seems like the momentum has slowly come to a halt. He’s still great in the ring, but I’m just not as inspired by it. It’s partially being paired up with The OC. Don’t get me wrong, I think that pairing is a great idea, but the execution has been terrible. They had one night where they truly looked awesome together, and that is when they beat the hell out of the Undisputed Era at the beginning of an NXT episode. They looked like monsters who could destroy you with the strength of their teamwork, but that has never shown up on the main roster.


And really, that’s all I’d want to see changed with Styles. Make that group more viable and threatening and everything they do will seem more important. This probably helps The OC more than Styles, but it gets Styles to that vaunted tier of guys that could legitimately main event WrestleMania, something that Styles has more than enough all-around ability to do. A good heel faction bashing skulls and having lolz is just what this WWE roster needs.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Aiden English
Akam
Aleister Black

Friday, January 17, 2020

Is Pulling Abe Assad's Redshirt a Good Decision?

After Midlands, I boldly declared that there was no way that the Iowa Hawkeyes were going to pull Abe Assad’s redshirt to take over the spot at 184 pounds. The Hawkeyes promptly pulled Assad’s redshirt for the next meet and he went 2-0 in his debut weekend. That’s good, but it’s too early to tell whether this decision made sense.

Now, I do not have a source for the inner workings of that wrestling room so I need to recognize a few things that I have no idea about. First off, how good has Abe Assad looked in the practice room compared to Cash Wilcke and Nelson Brands? If he’s been putting it on them in practice, then it’s not the craziest idea that he should be starting immediately. Also, did Assad want his redshirt pulled? He may want to go four hard years and be done with it, or he may think that taking a redshirt later on is the best thing for him. He may not think about either of those things, but he sees that Iowa could win a National Championship for the first time in a decade, and he wants to be one of the members that helps the team accomplish that. I can definitely understand the appeal of being a starter for a National Championship team, so I could totally understand that from Assad’s perspective.

But it seems incredibly likely that Assad will be better at the 2024 National Championships than he will be at the 2020 National Championships. So was it a good decision to sacrifice a better year later for a good year now?

I didn’t think the move would happen, partially because I didn’t like the idea of it. I think Cash Wilcke has proven that he’s good enough to be a blood round guy (Round of 12). He might be lower and get eliminated a little earlier or a little higher and be a low-level All-American. Can we really expect any more from Abe Assad? 

So far, he’s 17-3 this season, but his competition has been lacking for most of the season. His early season losses were to a wrestler from Grand View and a guy redshirting at Iowa State who is not an elite recruit. Even with subpar competition, he wasn’t blowing a lot of guys out of the water. Although the competition took a jump up at the Midlands, Assad won two of those matches in sudden victory so it was not a dominant performance. He’s likely going to be having a lot of close matches, and as a true freshman, he may be getting better as the season goes on.

He’s currently ranked ninth, and looking through that list of the eight guys ahead of him, it’s going to be really tough for him to break through. I think he has to All-American to definitively say it was a good decision. 

I may not totally agree with it, but I get it, and if Iowa is at the top of the podium at the end of the National Championships, I won’t be complaining about a redshirt. 

I’ll be too busy celebrating.

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

The WWE Is Ruining... Baron Corbin

It’s gonna be another short one today. I know a lot of people hate Baron Corbin, but if you saw Corbin in any other organization, you would be in awe of his talents. This isn’t a case of the WWE pushing a bad wrestler, it’s the case that the WWE is properly pushing a guy of Corbin’s talent; it’s just that the WWE has such an abundance of riches when it comes to talent on their roster that Corbin doesn’t seem that impressive.

I’m not a huge Corbin fan, but his talent is undeniable. Is he going to set the world on fire with promos or in-ring work? Maybe not a fire, but he’ll at least get some kindling going, because he’s really freaking good. Everybody can think that he sucks, but objectively speaking, he’s quite good.

So he’s in a main event spot. Are there guys that I enjoy more that I would like to see in that spot? Definitely, but the guy pleases the audience of one in the WWE, and he’s so hateable that you never have to worry about him becoming a cool heel that gets cheered eventually, and that’s a tough feat to pull off in the smart mark age that we’re currently living in.

tl;dr: Baron Corbin, pretty cool, not totally for me, but the WWE is doing a fairly good job of maximizing his talents.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

It's Your Turn To Feel The Bern

I don’t talk politics too much here on the blog, but I’m throwing my support behind Bernie Sanders for the democratic primary. I know we have a lot of readers in an early primary state, so I just want to share my opinions about how I got to that choice.

First off, I think I need to recognize that I have been secluded in a Bernie Bubble. Social media has made it easy to surround yourself with like-minded people, so I think it’s important to open my mind and recognize why people like other candidates.

Donald Trump - Let’s recognize that the man is funny and charismatic. Even if you really hate him, you need to recognize that people are drawn to him and he’s said some legitimately funny things. First he made fun of Jeb Bush for being a mama’s boy, and when Jeb said that his mother was the strongest woman that he knows, Trump replied, “She should be running.” That’s legitimately funny.

Joe Biden - Obama kind of liked him back in the day. Reminds you of your racist grandpa that you justify their comments with, “He grew up in a different time.” That’s sweet.

Elizabeth Warren - Is a woman. She knows a lot about financial institutions which makes her qualified to tackle income inequality in this country. Has a cute dog.

Pete Buttigieg - Could be the first gay president. Probably knows a lot about wine.

Cory Booker - Minority candidate who dates an actress and unapologetically tells Dad jokes. That might make him the winner of candidate I’d most like to have a beer with.

Andrew Yang - $1,000 a month? Hell yeah! He cusses. Plus, he is good at math because of racist stereotypes. Probably the candidate I’d most like to smoke weed with.

Amy Klobuchar - Is unapologetically an asshole who wants nothing to get better who is only doing this to make rich friends so she can finally sit at the cool table. Even I love how honest she is in her ambitions.

Michael Bloomberg - Makes me feel tall.

Tom Steyer - Is also running for president

Okay, I recognized I was in a Bernie Bubble, but I emerged to find the best qualities in each of the other candidates. My case for Bernie is super simple. I don’t agree with him on everything but he’s strong on climate change and he’s the only candidate with a strong plan for Medicare For All. Those are the biggest issues facing the United States at this time.

I also think he has the best chance of any of the democratic candidates. I saw somebody point out that the most exciting candidate has continually won the election over at least the last 30 years. Think about the boring ass dopes that ran against Clinton, Bush, Obama, and Trump. Was anyone excited about Older Bush, Dole, Gore, Kerry, McCain, Romney, or Lady Clinton? No, I’m not sure if I could come up with a more milquetoast group of people if I tried. Andrew Yang is the only other candidate that people are actually excited to support. The other candidates people just support because they think they have a chance, but there is nothing exciting about any of them. Bernie’s rallies are the biggest, he has the most donors, and the most money coming in despite not having big money donors. Bernie isn’t the most exciting guy, but he has exciting ideas, and people actually want to vote for him on the strength of Bernie, not the weaknesses of his competitors.

I think a big reason for that is Bernie is the only candidate who is not simply running to become President. He actually wants to improve the lives of Americans, and he knows this is the only way to get it done. When I look at every other candidate, I see people vying for president just so they can say they were president. It reminds me of when I ran for Junior Class President even though the only responsibility of that position was planning Prom, something I had zero interest in, much like these people have zero interest in improving the lives of Americans. Most of them don’t want anything to change which means I at least respect Amy Klobuchar for being honest about it. The only two that would bring some change are Yang and Warren. Yang has seedlings of good plans, but they haven’t grown into viable ideas, while Warren has already backtracked on medicare for all, and the longer this goes, the worse people are going to feel about her.

Even if your political opinions don’t totally align, at least recognize that Bernie Sanders actually seems to care about working class people in this country. He’s not a perfect candidate, but at least he wants to make things better. We could do far worse than that.